How to deal with people you don’t like

In the real world, there are always some people who will drive us crazy and collapse. Of course, I have to admit that we sometimes drive others crazy. You may want to know how we should get along with those who always annoy us, or with whom we don’t want to come into contact with them?

Research by Robert Sutton, a professor in the Department of Management Science at Stanford University, shows that not everyone in your team can relate to you so well that you can go to your backyard for a barbecue. This is impossible and unrealistic. Smart people make the most of the people they don’t like. Here’s how they deal with people they don’t like:

Accept and admit that you don’t like everyone

Smart people can clearly recognize that conflicts and disputes are the result of different values. The person you don’t like may not be bad in nature, but you can’t get along with him because you have different values, and the difference in values ​​creates a gap between you. Acknowledging the existence of differences may make you get along better with those around you.

Don’t ignore, don’t avoid, silently tolerate people who don’t like it

You may not like a person, but this is not a bad thing. Sutton said: “You need to have people with different opinions from you and people who dare to argue with you. They will prevent the whole team from making some stupid decisions.” Tolerating them may not be a simple thing, but you have to do To. Because these people who challenge us often prompt us to find new entry points and help motivate the entire team to succeed. Remember, you are not a perfect person, maybe others are tolerating you.

Treat people you don’t like respectfully and politely

No matter what emotions you have toward someone else, that person will adjust their emotions and respond to your attitudes and behaviors. If you treat them arrogantly, they will also throw away all manners and respond arrogantly to you. Therefore, all you need to do is to stay calm and calm. Ben Dattner, a management psychologist, said: “It is important to develop a poker face that is good at diplomacy. You have to be professional and active when you get along with others.” This way you can learn not to fear the rich and powerful. , Neither overbearing nor overbearing.

Don’t impose your expectations on others

It is common for us to have unrealistic expectations of others. We expect others to do things and speak according to our wishes. However, this is not realistic. Alan A. Cavaiola is a PhD in philosophy. He said: “Everyone has an innate personality, which directly determines their behavior. Expecting others to do what you want will make you disappointed and frustrated. situation.”

Mature and restrained, pay attention to self-cultivation

No matter how hard you try, some people will still make us angry. It is important to learn to deal with your feelings of loss when dealing with people who often make you angry. Don’t always think about how to fight back and make the other person angry. You should concentrate on thinking about why you have such a reaction. By identifying the trigger points that affect your emotions, you are likely to anticipate your own reactions, become milder, or even change your attitude. Remember: It is far easier to change your own opinions, attitudes, and behaviors than to let others make changes.

Stop and take a deep breath

Kathleen Bartle is a conflict consultant. She said that there are always some personality traits that make you angry. You need to think about what makes you angry, who is touching your bottom line? In this way, you can prepare in advance to prevent conflicts from happening again. A deep breath and a forbearing retreat can help you calm down and prevent you from overreacting.

Express your needs and position

If someone always annoys you, please calmly tell them that their behavior or way of speaking has caused you a lot of trouble. Avoid using accusatory language, and try to use formal language such as “When you do…, I feel…”. Then you will find that those who have not listened to your speech do not know that your speech is not over yet, or that there will be colleagues who are interested in your suggestions and actively participate in your conversation.

keep distance

If none of the above can be done, then smart people will choose to distance themselves from people they don’t like. Give yourself a reason and continue to maintain your own style. Keep a little distance and think in another position, and you may get along with people you like and dislike again without any worries.

Of course, if the people we don’t like can stay away from us, then everything will become simple. But we all know that life will not be what we want.