The first lesson in communicating with people

  I switched to a different workplace, and it was difficult to communicate with my bossy boss. It is also difficult for me to communicate with my parents at home. My husband said that I am too strong and do not want to talk to me. What is wrong with me? Why do I always lose? It’s hard to be forced to do things, what should I do?
  When communicating, do you have to win? If so, even if you win, your husband’s love will become colder and colder, and your boss will appreciate your heart becoming colder. Over time, you have won every communication, but you have lost your marriage and future. A successful negotiation or communication, whether at home or in the workplace, should be to find a way to get the benefits you want, but also to make the other party feel that he has won.
  In the variety show, the talented Lin Zhixuan invited two young dancers, Li Xiang and Liu Jia, to join the team. But Lin Zhixuan’s division of labor is-two dancers are responsible for the accompaniment, the pianist Li Yundi is responsible for the accompaniment, and he is responsible for the solo singing. Li Yundi was not upset by Lin Zhixuan’s arrangement, but listened quietly to the demands of both parties. He also didn’t judge right or wrong, and the most spoken sentence was “I understand.” He knew that in the face of a stubborn person, the more pressure, the easier it is for the other party to get into the horns. Once the face is torn apart, the whole team will truly split and lose. When the team argued, he used the sound of the piano to accompany both parties and express his attitude with the sound of the piano.
  After the two sides calmed down, Li Yundi approached Lin Zhixuan to chat privately, in order to ask him to give young people a chance, so that young people could sing. He used “us” instead of “you” throughout the whole process, which made his insightfulness sound without the slightest sense of persecution. He has been praising Lin Zhixuan and fully expressing his understanding and appreciation of his artistic style and leadership. He expressed his appeal in the way of self-reflection: As seniors, we should also consider the young people’s ideas and give them a chance.
  This made me realize a lot of communication skills. If communication forms the opposite, it is doomed to fail. Once the wife focuses on defending herself and refuting her husband, she will definitely lose. Once subordinates want to correct the leader offside, they will fail.
  Adam Grant, a professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, said in the book “Rethinking” that negotiation is more like a dance without prior rehearsal. You want your partner to do the same movements as you, but she may resist you, so you have to try to guide her, let her accept your rhythm, and reach harmony. How to reach an agreement? First of all, we must be clear about what their respective interests are and what are their common interests.
  Create an environment suitable for problem-solving. The leader sees you as pleasing to the eye and feels that if you kiss you a little bit, your words will work, and the problem will be solved quickly. In the same way, you have to identify with your leader and your family and get closer. If you have done enough foreplay, people feel that you are not looking for trouble or making him embarrassed.
  Gerard Neilenberg, president of the American Negotiation Society, told a story. The two children quarreled about an orange, but it didn’t work out. Later A asked B, what do you want this orange for? B replied: “I want to grind the orange zest and mix it with flour to bake a cake.” A said, “Well, I will give you the orange zest. You will leave the pulp to me. I will put the pulp in the juice. Juice and drink in the machine.” Finally, they reached an agreement, A got the pulp, and B got the orange peel. Through negotiation, A got the pulp he wanted, and B felt that he had won. If A grabs what he wants as soon as he comes up, B will definitely not cooperate.
  Communication is like this, and letting others win is the best strategy. The husband won, the feeling of being the head of the family was found, and he began to find self-confidence and sense of dignity. When the leader wins, seeing your respect, he is more willing to discuss problems with an open mind and find ways to solve them. I suggest you show weakness, don’t fall into combat-style offensive and defensive, first step out of the “I must win” thinking. Then, analyze what others want, whether it is possible to safeguard the common interests of both parties, analyze the pros and cons in the role of a helper, express feelings, and humbly put forward needs. You will surely have a double harvest in your marriage career.