So I was back in the villa the next day. The way we both looked at each other – we had never looked at each other like this, not even when I confessed my love to her.
“You wanted to leave me,” said Friederike after the first words of welcome exchanged in the presence of the servant and the child when we were alone, “I woke up the night in painful thoughts, and the foreboding tore my heart that you were on the run to be sorry, on the run from love and from me. ”
“O Friederike, you alone have control over me! One word from you means to stay or drive me away. Speak this word; I don’t listen to any other voice than yours, the decision of my fate rests with you. ”
“Can I speak this word, Gotthold? How would I have thought that you wanted to flee me if I hadn’t considered the thought of our separation myself! I am connected to another by an indissoluble bond – and yet I cannot tell you: leave me. If you left me – I don’t know what would happen, but I don’t have the strength to complete my misfortune myself. ”
“And why should I flee you,” I replied in the self-infatuation of passion, “since I venerate you like a saint, since I have no other wish than to see you happy and calm” … and what we are in such a situation The delusion of remaining masters of our will and the hope that the soul will triumph over the desires of sensuality, as it always does now, lay on their lips – vain, threadbare reasons if they were not addressed to a woman Heart asks nothing more than to be betrayed. So much did we rave about devoted friendship, undeclared soul sympathy and platonic love that we were convinced that evening: we would on Don’t stumble crash. “We have an angel who will protect us,” said Friederike, and took her little daughter in her arms, “I gave birth to it, you saved it, put your hand on this innocent head so that we never need to blush in front of this child . ”
My host might think his own thing from my visits to the villa; when it comes to love affairs, he was not one of the strict moralists, but rather one of those who courageously caught good luck and held onto where and how it presented itself. He would have simply rejected our emotional excitement as romanticism that had been overcome. So there was no one who could have advised us – as if we were still taking advice! We were in the grip of an overpowering passion, which played its cruel game with us and tormented us now with violent inducement, now with the martyrdom of renunciation. Only one thing was certain, in these four days, despite all our good intentions, our handshake had become more tender and our farewell longer. Whenever the hour of departure struck, we had something to say to each other, the separation became more and more difficult. We took care not to express our mood in one word, but instead the looks spoke. Quiet and yet understandable, questions and answers, a shy desire, a half-granting light up in them. One evening she was particularly agitated, in a stormy hurry, full of changing moods – I put it on the sultry air, a thunderstorm was pulling down the river from the south. We had talked about the most varied of things, how we wanted to write to each other, that I should move from the capital to her place of residence, that her influence and that of her relatives would soon give me an adequate practice there, about the beauty of summer, about the The brevity of life, the need of man and the immortality of the soul, like the lot of the poor in spirit and heart to put our mood in one word, but instead the looks spoke. Quiet and yet intelligible, questions and answers, a shy desire, a half-granting light up in them. One evening she was particularly agitated, in a stormy hurry, full of changing moods – I put it on the sultry air, a thunderstorm was pulling down the river from the south. We had talked about the most varied of things, how we wanted to write to each other, that I should move from the capital to her place of residence, that her influence and that of her relatives would soon give me an adequate practice there, about the beauty of summer, about the The brevity of life, the need of man and the immortality of the soul, like the lot of the poor in spirit and heart to put our mood in one word, but instead the looks spoke. Quiet and yet understandable, questions and answers, a shy desire, a half-granting light up in them. One evening she was particularly agitated, in a stormy hurry, full of changing moods – I put it on the sultry air, a thunderstorm was pulling down the river from the south. We had talked about the most varied of things, how we wanted to write to each other, that I should move from the capital to her place of residence, that her influence and that of her relatives would soon give me an adequate practice there, about the beauty of summer, about the The brevity of life, the need of man and the immortality of the soul, like the lot of the poor in spirit and heart Quiet and yet understandable, questions and answers, a shy desire, a half-granting light up in them. One evening she was particularly agitated, in a stormy hurry, full of changing moods – I put it on the sultry air, a thunderstorm was pulling down the river from the south. We had talked about the most varied of things, how we wanted to write to each other, that I should move from the capital to her place of residence, that her influence and that of her relatives would soon give me an adequate practice there, about the beauty of summer, about the The brevity of life, the need of man and the immortality of the soul, like the lot of the poor in spirit and heart Quiet and yet understandable, questions and answers, a shy desire, a half-granting light up in them. One evening she was particularly agitated, in a stormy hurry, full of changing moods – I put it on the sultry air, a thunderstorm was pulling down the river from the south. We had talked about the most varied of things, how we wanted to write to each other, that I should move from the capital to her place of residence, that her influence and that of her relatives would soon give me an adequate practice there, about the beauty of summer, about the The brevity of life, the need of man and the immortality of the soul, like the lot of the poor in spirit and heart One evening she was particularly agitated, in a stormy hurry, full of changing moods – I put it on the sultry air, a thunderstorm was pulling down the river from the south. We had talked about the most varied of things, how we wanted to write to each other, that I should move from the capital to her place of residence, that her influence and that of her relatives would soon give me an adequate practice there, about the beauty of summer, about the The brevity of life, the need of man and the immortality of the soul, like the lot of the poor in spirit and heart One evening she was particularly agitated, in a stormy hurry, full of changing moods – I put it on the sultry air, a thunderstorm was pulling down the river from the south. We had talked about the most varied of things, how we wanted to write to each other, that I should move from the capital to her place of residence, that her influence and that of her relatives would soon give me an adequate practice there, about the beauty of summer, about the The brevity of life, the need of man and the immortality of the soul, like the lot of the poor in spirit and heart the happiest thing on earth would be – everything confused and jumbled up, like people who dare not touch the object that occupies them. At last she took courage: “Gotthold, my husband will be here on Sunday -” and no longer mistress of her feelings, she broke into wild sobs and weeping.
“Your husband?” I asked back, no less shocked than she: the unexpected knocked me down.
“He’s in Ostend today, tomorrow he’ll be in Cologne – he wants to see the child.”
“And you?”
“And me!” She burst out passionately. “I am the most unfortunate woman. To be connected to a man, to have promised himself for death and a life that one does not love, is misery, but it is bearable as long as one does not love. But I love you – you alone and can no longer be his. The mere thought gives me a fatal chill, I am degraded in his arms. ”
With her hair unleashed, she stormed through the room, in the storm that was raging inside her, she had lost all her restraint. The rolling of the approaching thunderstorm and the reflection of the distant lightning matched the tension of our minds.
“Is there anything more lamentable than a woman?” She continued vehemently. “She is the slave, the doll, the prey of the man who acquired her. It does not occur to him to ask about the needs of her heart – enough if he cares for her, he is then the best husband to whom she owes obedience and loyalty. ”
“Don’t think about him any more,” I interrupted her, “we’re together, Friederike, I love you, no power should snatch you from me now; love is the highest feeling that has been given to us; it alone is right over all other laws and duties. ”
She had stood by the window for a while and stared into the flash of lightning, now I wrapped my arms around her.
“It is through you that I live for the first time and should now give up on you, Friederike, lose you forever without ever having owned you, and knowing that you love me – be mine! be mine! ”I pleaded.
In her tears she was unopposed; the long, silky hair flowing around her that crackled softly under the touch of my hand, like electric sparks, the disorder of her clothes made her even more seductive and desirable. “Mother! Mother! ”Shouted next door – the voice of the child who had been roused from his sleep by a stronger clap of thunder. I will never forget the look with which Friederike looked at me at this call. She tore open the glass door that separated the drawing-room from the next room and knelt down by Elsbeth’s bed. And at the same moment the clock – the same clock that is now facing me again – raised and struck the twelfth hour. The glass door was open, with her caresses and comforting words the mother had soon rocked the sleepy child again, the weather, That which stood for a moment above our heads seemed to stretch far away from us to the other bank – the pointer on the clock face had not yet passed ten minutes, but a change had occurred in both of us. Even then it would not have been possible for me to describe exactly what was going on in me, how I can now after twenty-three years! Her touching beauty, the innocence of her previous life – and on the other hand a guilty, uncertain future, the promise we made to ourselves, the dark fear that the moment of happiness would have to be atone by many hours of grief and remorse, the last emotion of virtue, which is once again, half seemed to stretch far away from us to the opposite bank – the pointer on the clock face had not yet passed ten minutes, but both of us had turned. Even then it would not have been possible for me to describe exactly what was going on in me, how I can now after twenty-three years! Her touching beauty, the innocence of her previous life – and on the other hand a guilty, uncertain future, the promise we made to ourselves, the dark fear that the moment of happiness would have to be atone by many hours of grief and remorse, the last emotion of virtue, which is once again, half seemed to stretch far away from us to the opposite bank – the pointer on the clock face had not yet passed ten minutes, but both of us had turned. Even then it would not have been possible for me to describe exactly what was going on in me, how I can now after twenty-three years! Her touching beauty, the innocence of her previous life – and on the other hand a guilty, uncertain future, the promise we made to ourselves, the dark fear that the moment of happiness would have to be atone by many hours of grief and remorse, the last emotion of virtue, which is once again, half to describe exactly how I can now after twenty-three years! Her touching beauty, the innocence of her previous life – and on the other hand a guilty, uncertain future, the promise we made to ourselves, the dark fear that the moment of happiness would have to be atone by many hours of grief and remorse, the last emotion of virtue, which is once again, half to describe exactly how I am now after twenty-three years! Her touching beauty, the innocence of her previous life – and on the other hand a guilty, uncertain future, the promise we made to ourselves, the dark fear that the moment of happiness would have to be atone by many hours of grief and remorse, the last emotion of virtue, which is once again, half defeated in the struggle with passion, straightened up – everything was compressed to one point, like a ray that pierced my heart. It seemed to me as if all the hours that I have already lived and would still live passed eerily on the face of the clock – the first with a serious, calm face, slightly winged figures, the others with their eyes on the ground or shyly looking around wringing hands, pale and distraught, as if the pursuing furies were on their heels.
“Gotthold!” Said her voice softly behind me, and her hand gently placed itself on my shoulder. I hadn’t noticed that she had come back in from the next room. “The Kid is sleeping -“
