New masculine dad

  Like the Joker and Batman, we are also looking for heroic male references.
  After all, behind the clown’s scary makeup, there is only a child looking for his father. The movie “Joker” tells the story of the villain in Batman’s world. Arthur Frank played by Joaquin Phoenix has flesh and blood, and is a typical so-called “forgotten race.”
  The white people who are no longer young, suffer from mental illness due to childhood shadows, and work poorly, and are forced to live in dilapidated apartments with their old mother. Arthur didn’t know how to get along with women, and was despised or even abused by everyone. The mother’s mental condition is very bad, and the mother-child relationship is also sick. At some point, the dream seemed to come true: He was told that he was the illegitimate son of the wealthy establishment Thomas Wayne. Arthur tried his best to get close to the big man and tried to call him “Dad”, but the response was humiliation, threats, punches and kicks. He only wanted his father, but he hit a wall everywhere.
  Such a frustrated individual gradually transformed into the most dangerous mental patient under DC Comics. At the same time, it is not difficult to understand that the first crimes he committed included the killing of his “father” Thomas Wayne, which also implicated another victim: Bruce Wayne Jr. The latter lost his father and grew up without his father like the Joker, but embarked on the opposite path and became the dark knight Batman who frightened criminals.
  Joker and Batman can be said to be the front and back of the coin. Each has its own deterrent and its own weaknesses. They all lost their fathers and worked hard to become superheroes. The process turns around, but the way the Joker is disgusting, Batman looks upright. It can be seen that the children are looking for heroism from their father. Unfortunately, Western civilization has desperately tried to remove the father image and masculinity in the general sense for many years. Everyone may have noticed that we are living in a “fatherless” society. The absence of a father may have terrible consequences, and the violent acts represented by the clowns are the most prominent example.
  Up to now, our society with a fine division of labor believes that fathers should be able to do so, like Phil Dunfee in “Modern Family”, to become children’s great friends. Of course it sounds beautiful, both tolerant and attentive, but still weak and lacking in masculinity. Pediatrician Meg Mick, the author of the best-selling book “Being a Child’s Hero Dad”,’s guidance is quite good: “Although it’s not easy to do, dads should show their strength in time. Masculinity may be derogated or mistaken. Forms (such as rap music) appear, but their real energy lies in moral restraint, so prestige must be used consciously.”
  However, the form generally admired today is completely different from what Mick described. It is no problem for us to destroy the rigid father-son relationship of the old age, and it seems that there is only a miniature version of maternal love instead. The father becomes a mother and even a ridiculous old mother. This is vividly reflected in the book “The Man in the Darkroom” by American journalist Susan Faludi.
  Faludi is an enlightened feminist and wrote a significant book about contemporary male crises many years ago. She analyzes the younger generation and also pays attention to those who are no longer young. “The lack of skills, ideals, positioning, etc., has caused a series of psychological problems, and behind the soul is a deeper cultural failure.” This also includes male masculinity. Missing. The fathers became helpless, as did Farudi’s father. He was authoritarian, harsh, irritable, and on the verge of violence. He left the mother and daughter very early. Nearly 30 years later, the reunion of father and daughter has been a vicissitude of life.
  One day, Faludi received an email from his father: “Tell you something interesting. I have always pretended to be a big man, but I have never had this kind of spirit.” The beginning is good, but there is another one. Small problem: My father not only reviewed and reviewed the mistakes of his past behavior, but also decided to break with masculinity and went to Thailand for sex reassignment surgery. So when he regained contact, Dad became a woman. To some extent, this is the most typical case in the current tide. Perhaps in this era, there are only two ways to go: Either masculine and prickly, become a rude and aggressive father; or become feminine, or even become a de facto woman, without father and son.
  As a man, it seems impossible to open up and maintain the “authority” recommended by Mick. In real life, there are few such examples, but there are still some, such as Michael Shabang, the author of the autobiographical essay “Dad: Father’s Love Puzzle”.
  The first story is very interesting. The adolescent son Abraham became obsessed with fashionable clothes and kept studying and chasing trends. Children are not afraid of ridicule at school and keep their individuality. From the book, we can see that when Abraham was running around in Paris Fashion Week, his father was always inseparable. Xia Bang accompanies his son and observes him, sometimes even thinking that he is an alien. The father was present and kept a certain distance to draw the bottom line for the child, but he never stopped supporting and did not have a hot head. Xia Bang loved his son and allowed him to fly freely and climb the summit bravely. Abraham moved forward along his own path, and his father watched from the side, without fully understanding: let him go, but he would not be alone.
  This love is not shiny, but delicate and subtle, rock-solid, ardent and flexible. Maybe this is the new type of masculine dad we are pursuing hard-with his own necessary authority, holding your hand, and letting you fly high.