love and hate

  The deepest memory I have in my childhood is the quarrel between my parents. They are always arguing.
  When I was 12, my parents divorced. I still remember the day when my mother came back from the court, she hugged me and cried as soon as she entered the door: “Li Li, the court only awarded 2,000 yuan in child support, how should we live the rest of our lives?” I was also very sad, I hugged my mother and said: “Mom, don’t be sad, I won’t get married anyway, and I will spend the days with you in the future.” I cried a lot quietly, and there was only one sentence in my heart : I don’t have a father anymore, from now on I will be a child without a father.
  At that time, my mother took me and it was very difficult. She works as a salesperson in a shopping mall and earns more than 100 yuan a month. She has to support me and pay for my dance lessons. In order to earn more money, my mother has to go to a friend’s company to do cleaning after get off work every day from the mall. The hardships of life are beyond ordinary people’s imagination.
  Every time I see my mother working so hard, I secretly swear in my heart: I must be promising when I grow up, so that my mother can live a good life! At the same time, the resentment towards my father has also increased a bit-he must have forgotten me and my mother, right? He must be living a happy life with his new wife, right?
  At that time, I often imagined a picture in my mind: I was rich, and I was driving a sports car on the streets of Shanghai. When the red light came on, I stopped, turned my face inadvertently, and saw my father standing on the side of the road. Looking at me, and then the green light turned on, I drove away in the car, and my father watched me silently from behind, with a sad expression… Thinking about it this way, I feel very relieved.
  Like a dream, since playing the heroine An Xin in “Jade Guanyin” and finally gaining public recognition with this role, I have become famous and have also received rich financial rewards. As soon as I could not worry about money, I immediately asked my mother to quit her job outside and stay by my side to take care of my daily life. We also bought a duplex house in Jing’an District of Shanghai, and held a birthday party for my mother on a luxury cruise ship on her 46th birthday. When doing all this, I am really very happy, and finally I can use my own strength to make my mother not have to work so hard!
  At the same time, I learned about my father’s situation from various sources. I knew that both he and his stepmother had been laid off, had another daughter, and lived by running a grocery store. To be honest, after hearing these news, after a brief pleasure, there is a lingering concern. This is really a very strange thing, but I really can’t control myself from thinking about my father and thinking about him. Once, I quietly went to see my father’s grocery store. I stood across the road and watched my gray-haired father and stepmother busy in the store
  . Love and hate are really intertwined, I hate him for being ruthless at the beginning, but his predicament makes me feel like a knife, I am intertwined with two emotions every day, and I can’t extricate myself.
  Some unscrupulous media also noticed the relationship between me and my father. They went to interview my father, and my father said: “I have not fulfilled my responsibility as a father to this daughter. Her current achievements are all due to her own efforts and her efforts. My mother’s contribution, seeing that she is doing well now, I feel very relieved…” After all, it is father and daughter, in front of outsiders, he still tried his best to protect me and prevent others from hurting me. Looking at that interview, I felt Weeping bitterly…
  Deng Chao saw my contradictory mentality, and he said to me: “What’s wrong with father and daughter? There is no father in the world who doesn’t love his daughter. There must be something wrong with your father doing that.” His difficulties. If you compete with him like this, you must be the one who regrets in the future.”
  My conflict lies in whether my mother will be sad if I reconcile with my father, will she feel that I have betrayed her? Once I tentatively asked my mother if she still hated her father. Unexpectedly, my mother said calmly: “No, no matter what, after all he gave me a daughter like you. Looking at you, I don’t hate her anymore.” My mother’s words made me very emotional. Yes, if my mother can tolerate my father’s indifference to our mother and daughter, then my daughter should not hold grudges.
  My father and I completely broke the deadlock at the family banquet of grandpa’s 70th birthday. It was the first time that my father and grandpa saw Deng Chao. They seemed to hit it off quite well. My father repeatedly told Deng Chao: “I choose a son-in-law. I don’t care about names or interests. As long as I treat my daughter well. Sun Li has suffered a lot since childhood. As a father, I didn’t fulfill my responsibilities, and I will rely on you to take care of her in the future.”
  After that, as long as I go back to Shanghai, I will pick up my little sister to play, take her to KFC, and go to the amusement park. My younger sister is articulate and good at singing and dancing. Now I am responsible for her education expenses. In my heart, I don’t want my younger sister to suffer the hardships I suffered back then. I also recommended my younger sister to learn dancing from the teacher who taught me how to dance, hoping that my younger sister will also have a good future in the future.
  The house where my father and stepmother lived was the old Shikumen house, which was dark, humid and crowded. After discussing with my mother, I bought houses for my father and grandfather in Hongkou District.
  At first, my father refused to ask for anything. He always said, “It’s not easy for you to earn so much money. How can I spend your money?” I said to my father, “What do I make money for? Isn’t it just for my family? Can I live well? You live in such a poor house, how can I feel at ease?” After all, Dad finally moved into the new house.

  Once I went back to Shanghai to visit my father’s new house. When I got downstairs, I looked up and looked for the window of my father’s house. I saw the warm light shining through the window and felt a great happiness. I finally understand one thing: hate someone, you will never be happy, but love, you can get real peace in your heart.
  My cervical spine has always been bad because of injuries from dancing in the past. My father found a lot of traditional Chinese medicine for me, bought Chinese medicine, and was afraid that I would be lazy and would not boil the medicine, and also afraid that I would not drink it because of the bitter taste, so he learned a method from others, boil all the medicine well, and then cool it down and pack it. Put it in a vacuum bag and put it in the refrigerator, it can be stored for a month. When you want to drink it, just take it out and drink it directly. Every time I return to Beijing from Shanghai, I always carry a big ice bucket with four big characters written by my father on it: Take medicine on time.
  I was at home in Beijing, drinking the traditional Chinese medicine that my father made for me, and looking at my mother peeling fruits for me, I suddenly felt that I have always been such a happy child. I am glad that my tolerance made the broken world in my childhood complete again after I became an adult.
  If you hate someone, you will never be happy, but if you love someone, you can get real peace in your heart.