The mother of a 6-year-old boy came to consult. Her child had just started school and was unwilling to go to school, did not like to learn, did not do any homework, and never finished the homework assigned by the teacher. During the class, other students were listening to the class, he was lying on his stomach and not listening, even during the exam, he didn’t even finish the test paper. Children will also disturb other children back and forth. They will often smell their hands repeatedly, and then turn into sniffing movements (similar to the blinking and nail biting behaviors of many children).
Listening to my mother’s description, I recorded several things that happened shortly after school started.
First, at noon one day for dinner in the school cafeteria, the child told the teacher that there was something in the nose. The child’s father (anesthesiologist) and mother (ultrasound doctor) rushed to the school immediately and took the child to the hospital for examination, but there was nothing. Find.
Second, after a few more days, the child still didn’t study, and asked him why, he said he couldn’t see clearly. Upon investigation, the child did have some shortsightedness, and then the parents asked for leave to take the child for examination and glasses.
Third, there was a time for exercises between classes, and other children followed the radio music to do exercises. Only this child was sitting on the ground, spreading his legs and making weird movements. The teacher took a video of the child’s behavior and passed it to his mother.
Fourth, children always say that they are tired and do not want to learn anything. They also say that they can’t learn anything. Even if the parents demand strict requirements, they still do their homework with procrastination.
In addition, when children are out of class or not in school, they like to play with children, watch cartoons, and eat well. It can be said that apart from learning, the child has no problems in other areas.
Find out the reasons and encourage more
If you only look at your child’s performance in school and class, and parents take him to the doctor, what kind of judgment will they make? Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder? Childhood depression? Adaptation barriers? What happens if my child takes Tomoxetine, Ritalin, Sertraline and other drugs?
As a psychotherapist, I also consider whether the child’s excuse that something enters his nose and that he can’t see clearly and rest at home is an avoidance or a way to attract attention?
However, I did not suggest that parents take their children to the psychology department immediately. Instead, I suggest that they observe their children’s behavior first and listen to their children’s thoughts in these performances. For example, why does he open his legs when others do exercises? sit on the floor? Is it learning to imitate, or is it abnormal?
After communicating with the child, it turned out that he saw that other children could “split” and stretch their legs very straight, and found it very powerful. He thought, “It would be great if his legs were two sticks, so that they could stretch very straight.” After this, we can understand that the child’s movements (weird) are within the normal range. At the same time, communicating with parents also discovered the problem of “behavioral inconsistency” of the children’s parents in completing their homework. Dad is more obedient to the child, and does not strictly demand whether the child has completed the homework. Because of the protection of the father, children tend to not complete their homework when their father is at home.
Two months later, I talked to my mother about the child again, and the mother said: “My son skipped rope very well, and he was able to test 100 points recently!”
Imagine if the child went to the doctor and was diagnosed with ADHD or depression. What will happen to the disease?
There is a buffer period before seeking medical attention
Through the major changes in children’s performance, for their abnormal behavior, the following points are summarized:
Mainly parents have to give their children time. When children grow up, they also have psychological struggles. For example, in kindergarten, children have never listened to lectures, wrote homework in this way, nor did they go to primary school, so they didn’t know what was going on at the beginning of school, didn’t think learning was important or necessary, and felt like kindergarten. Later I found out that it didn’t seem to be the case, and then I can gradually adapt to normal class and go home to complete my homework.
The second is to guide.
Parents can try to ask their children whether they like 100 points in the test, study and write homework with their children, or combine the things to learn with related videos, and strengthen them in a fun way while learning.
The third is to overcome anxiety.
◆When a child has a “question”, some parents will habitually ask for help online, and are particularly anxious to determine the “standard” answer. However, the information on the Internet is more of an exaggerated “anxiety trafficking”, and may arbitrarily think: “The child is sick”!
◆Parents believe in external information far greater than their children! The stricter the parental discipline, the more likely the child will be excessive!
◆There are also the common “visitor’s dilemma”. In the face of appeals from various “experts”, complicated explanations, and publicity of various treatment methods, many people do not know how to choose. The attitude of “Try it out” delays the child in the process of gradually trying!
◆When “problems” are labelled, parents’ attention is often drawn to “problems”, paying attention to more “symptoms”, ignoring other advantages of the child, and magnifying all problems. “Let children study normally” has become the only expectation of parents for their children, but they have ignored many aspects of life. Even with the worst learning, the child is still a good child with characteristics and there are many things that can be done.
The fourth is to analyze the psychological factors behind the child’s behavior.
When a child is found to be “problematic”, it is more of the judgment made by parents, teachers and doctors. They may not ask the child in detail about the child’s feelings and thoughts, and fail to analyze the cause, development, enhancement and regression of the child’s “abnormal” behavior the process of.
The fifth is to believe in children.
In a child’s life, the only important variable that determines his success is the existence of an adult who believes and supports the child. Just like in the above case, how important is the trust of the child’s father! Dad believes that his child knows what to do and what to do.
Sixth is to accept children.
When we define a child as a “problem” child, we expect that there will be a better way to solve this “problem”, and forget that the “problem” has a time frame, an environmental background, and does not have an “absolute life”. “Failure” is decisive. Sometimes “accepting the problem” is also a good choice.
Of course, this single case cannot be the analysis or solution path for all “similar problems” children. If parents have the same problem, please choose professional treatment instead of “labeling” their children.