It’s not scary to be rejected

Who is stopping you from moving forward?
Not long after Sam joined the company, he received a task assigned to him by the leader—needing him to do a customer return visit. This makes Sam feel very stressed.

On the one hand, Sam has just arrived on duty and is not very familiar with these customers. On the other hand, Sam has a more introverted personality, and he has a headache about “dealing with others”. Sam got the list of customers’ return visits and contact information, and sighed heavily. There are 20 people on this list. The leader’s requirement is to complete all customer return visits within two days, and hope that each customer must fill out a questionnaire that can be completed in about 5 minutes.

What Sam worries most is that customers won’t pay attention to him at all and he will be ruthlessly rejected by others. Sam first tried to add customers to WeChat one by one, but 9 of the 20 customers failed to pass his friend request. As a result, Sam’s negative emotions began to overflow, and he felt particularly depressed and low. Some negative thoughts began to circulate in his mind:

“My work ability is really terrible.”

“These customers have not even passed the application for WeChat friends, let alone do the follow-up visit.”

“It’s over, the task assigned by the leader can’t be completed, maybe I will be fired soon.”

According to the cognitive theory of emotions, the reason for a person’s negative emotions is often not in what the person encounters itself, but in what kind of perspective we use to look at the encounter. On the face of it, Sam felt depressed because 9 customers did not pass the friend request. In fact, the negative thinking style of “partial generalization, random inference, and catastrophic prediction” in his head is the real culprit in his bad mood. It was these negative ways of thinking that made Sam’s work stuck. He wanted to tell the leader that he was not capable and that he could not complete this work by himself.

At this time, the veteran employee on the side told Sam that you can try to call those customers who don’t pass the friend request one by one. If all the methods have been tried, and there are still customers who are unwilling to cooperate, at least you can deal with the leader with a clear conscience.

Sam thought about this, so he plucked up the courage and started calling the customer. The matter was not as complicated as Sam thought. After some telephone communication, the customers finally requested through Sam’s friends. Next, Sam sent a link to the questionnaire to each customer via WeChat. At the beginning, some people still failed to complete the questionnaire, but after some urging from Sam, everyone finally completed the questionnaire.

From this incident, Sam realized an important truth: in the workplace, what prevents a person from moving forward is often a negative way of thinking. For example, because they are afraid of being rejected, they dare not keep trying. However, the reality is that “rejected” does not happen all the time-when we try for the first time, it is indeed easy to be rejected. However, when we try a few more times, the door of opportunity will slowly open.

Cheeky and Bestseller
In fact, in the deepest heart of everyone, they are afraid of being rejected by others. In the eyes of many people, being rejected means losing face. Especially in the Chinese collective unconscious, “face” is a particularly important thing. “A person wants a face, and a tree wants bark” expresses a similar truth.

Others think that being rejected means that their self-esteem has been hurt and that their own value has been degraded. Therefore, many people try to avoid making requests to others in order to ensure that they do not lose face and their self-esteem is not harmed.

However, if you dare not take action because you are afraid of rejection, you will pay a higher price-you will lose many opportunities for growth or development.

I have published three books, of which the second book has the best sales. It has been ranked in the top ten best sellers of inspirational new books on a certain platform for a month. It was printed twice within three months of listing. Is it because the quality of the second book is significantly better than the quality of the first and third books? not necessarily. These three books also cost me a lot of time and energy. So why did the second book sell better?

This is because when the second book was published, I had a thick-skinned face. I risked rejection and recommended my book to many people around me. For example, cheeky ask friends to help write book reviews, cheeky ask friends to help forward marketing copy, cheeky ask friends to help me promote and so on. In the process, I did encounter some rejections. For example, when I send a book to a friend, the other party never responds to any of my messages. Of course, most of my friends gave me positive responses and helped me to promote this book, which ultimately promoted the sales of this book.

All of this is because I had the courage to “even if I was rejected, I have to move forward” during that time.

Unexpected result
If you are also a person who is very afraid of rejection, then I strongly recommend that you go to the Internet to watch a very popular TED talk called “100 Days Rejected” and the speaker’s name is Jiang Jia. Jiang Jia initiated a “100-day rejection plan” on the Internet. In order to make his mentality stronger, he proactively attacked, “looking for abuse” everywhere, repeatedly experiencing the feeling of being rejected.

For example, he asks a stranger: “Can you lend me 100 dollars?” Or, after he finishes eating a burger, he asks the waiter if he can provide a service similar to “drink refill”, and then give him a free refill. A hamburger; another time, he made a request to a university professor, wanting to teach a lesson in the other’s classroom.

From a psychological point of view, this is a system of desensitization therapy-gradually contact with something that you are afraid of, thereby reducing your sensitivity to this matter. Although at the beginning, many of his requests were rejected, it was because these requests were really unreasonable, and at the same time, he would slip away as soon as the other party frowned. However, he also slowly began to try to insist on his request. There are many requests that he originally thought were impossible, but after his repeated insistence, they were finally approved. For example, after being rejected three times, the professor agreed to Jiang Jia’s request to attend a class in his class. After the class, Jiang Jia’s eyes were full of tears of excitement.

Because he found that as long as everyone is not afraid of being rejected and dares to make a request, they will have a greater possibility to realize their dreams. So please believe that: as long as you can summon the courage to pursue what you really want, rejection will not happen all the time. Moreover, you will live a more exciting life.