I didn’t go downstairs for nearly a week, and I didn’t have any desire to go downstairs. I only looked at the security door of the opposite building from the window. People came out sporadically, and disappeared into the alley that was windy across the street.
Daughter Alsanna also rarely spends a leisurely summer vacation. Every day she either watches TV, flips through books, or plays with toys by herself. I saw that she was bored and asked her if she wanted to learn dancing, singing or piano in the summer like other kids did? She immediately replied to me: Mom, I don’t want to learn anything, I just want to read. After finishing speaking, he asked me: Mom, why do you stay at home every day and don’t go out to play? I said, I just like to be alone, I don’t want to go out, it’s so noisy outside. She took it immediately: Mom, I also like to be alone at home.
I laughed, the child of the mouse would make a hole, and she really was my own.
I also watched a video of catching crickets with Alsanna. The person selling crickets was obviously an accent in Tai’an, Shandong, so I also spoke Shandong dialect to tease Alsanna. She couldn’t understand, so she burst into tears, crying and asking me: Mom, why are you talking like this?
I laughed: because everyone has a hometown, you spoke Mongolian and Mandarin when you were young, and your mother spoke Shandong dialect when she was a child, and it was because she went out to study that she changed to Mandarin! Every place has a dialect of every place, what’s so strange about that? Just like you want to learn Mongolian, Chinese and English in the future, it is also to be able to walk the world more freely.
She wiped away her tears half-understood, followed my tone, and said a lame Shandong dialect, which almost made me cry.
Finally, I have time to sort out the photos of me and Alsanna traveling in the Hulunbuir grassland, and send them to my relatives and friends. My friend Yun said, such a lovely daughter, why do you never post on your Moments? I laugh: I don’t like to post on the Moments, I know myself, your happiness, only the closest friends and family will really pay attention and like your sharing. Irrelevant people, just watch the excitement, even if you like it, it may be purely out of habit, boredom or politeness, and even the praise may be mixed with jealousy and loss.
After thinking about it, why do people hate the circle of friends and can’t live without it, but it’s because they can’t stand loneliness. But what a beautiful thing loneliness is that I treasure it so much that I don’t want anyone to disturb it. When someone invites a dinner party, they say they are sick and refuse, because I just want to keep this precious loneliness for myself, look at the clouds, read books, write, or stand by the window with Alsanna, watching the downstairs walk up and down The passers-by who go there, gossip for a while.
Just this lunch break, Alsanna and I were lying together, skin-to-skin and intimate. In the dim light, she suddenly kissed me tenderly, and then repeated what she said to me almost every day: Mom, I love you.
I love you too. I kiss her back.
We closed our eyes at the same time. Lazy and happy drowsiness, like a stream flowing over my body.
Going downstairs to the convenience store at night, too lazy to change clothes and shoes, I just pulled my slippers and went out the door.
Alsanna asked: Mom, aren’t you afraid that others will laugh at you?
I laughed in the gentle night: what are you afraid of, who knows me in such a dark day?
Indeed, I love this old community living in a busy city, where time is like an old man who can be seen everywhere, slow and quiet. Clouds hang idle in front of my window every day, and the peach trees, which are never sturdy, emit a holy light in the evening, like the last virgin who has been forgotten by the years. Children come and go like the wind, those who install screens, those who collect used electrical appliances, and those who sell watermelons, making monotonous and lonely peals on the empty road in the afternoon. There is an air of freedom everywhere, even an abandoned shop facing the street, with a rusty wooden door, there is also a lazy leisure.
Mom, let’s go out for a walk, the scenery outside is so beautiful. Almost every day, Alsannah pleads with me to bury myself in writing. In her heart, as long as she steps out of the unit door, there will be beautiful scenery everywhere. As small as a moth, as big as a plane, all glittered in her eyes.
It’s just that on the way from home to the convenience store in the dark, she kept talking to me a lot. Those small words, just uttered, were blown away by the wind, but left a trace of sweetness in my heart. Like a bee, flying far away, a drop of crystal honey collected from thousands of stamens.
