Life is full of accidents

  ◆ We went to eat hot pot, my brother likes to eat butter steamed buns, so let the waiter serve the steamed buns first. After a long time, the waiter fetched something and apologized to us again and again: “Excuse me, the steamed buns are still being made. I have to wait a while. Let me give the kid a gift first!” My brother cried when he saw it. book!
  ◆ Xiaobao has a homework problem: Xiaoming has 220 marshmallows and 134 lollipops. He ate 180 marshmallows and 98 lollipops. What is left of him now? Xiaobao thought for a while and decisively wrote “tooth decay”.
  ◆ The guy fell in love with a girl with a bold personality. He confessed to the girl in the form of singing: “I am touched, touched, how can I not touch you…” The girl was furious after hearing this: “You dare to move me a try You can’t die!”
  ◆ Today, I was having dinner with my girlfriend. She ordered a bowl of shrimp and beef rice and threw all the prawns into my bowl. I was so touched that everyone next to me looked at me enviously. Who knows girlfriend white at me and said: “See what I see fast to peel shrimp!!”
  ◆ just saw a fishing buddies, break ran a big fish. He took a cigarette out of his jacket pocket and smoked it. As soon as he took a cigarette and held it in his mouth, the phone rang. As soon as he took the phone out of his trouser pocket, the cigarette case fell into the water. He immediately put the phone in his jacket pocket, bent down to pick up the cigarette, and then the phone fell into the water… He yelled with anger, and the cigarette in his mouth fell into the water again, and then he sat on the bank and did not return for a long time. God comes.
  ◆ I said that I wanted to be a programmer in the future, but my buddy stopped me. He said with a serious face: “Have you ever thought about it? When you become a programmer, you are likely to become the leader when artificial intelligence rules humanity. Let’s go It’s not good to be at odds at times!”
  (Recommended by Grape Seed)

Witty words

  ◆ The back waves of the Yangtze River push the front waves. Qianlang said you don’t squeeze, there are still waves ahead of me.
  ◆ Be like a pepper and be enthusiastic! Like cabbage, there are layers! Like lotus root, watch out! It’s a pity that I can’t do it, I’m just a rolling pin, straight!
  ◆ When one or two people say that I am ugly, I disagree; but when more and more people say that I am ugly, I finally know the seriousness of the matter… Now there are more and more scammers!
  ◆ It’s so miserable for a good-looking girl like us. No matter what stupid things are said, others will say “right”. Over time, our IQ was worse than ordinary people by more than one and a half cents, which is terrible.
  ◆ Everyone needs to push themselves. Why is sleeping for eight hours a day enough? Can’t you sleep for ten hours? Why can only eat three meals a day? Wouldn’t it work for six meals and supper? There is nothing you can’t do, only what you dare not try! Don’t force yourself, you don’t know where your limits are!
  (Recommended by: Little Balloon)
I must be my own

  ◆ My dad and mom went to the movies, and my mom said to me: “Come on, too, let’s join the three.” I said I won’t be your light bulb.
  My mother said: “Oh, you have been an electric light bulb for more than 20 years, not bad this time.” ◆ I was video chatting with my girlfriend, and she joked: “If you don’t want me, I will marry your dad. , Let you call me mom every day.” The dad who was sitting next to me watching TV was taken aback, and then said: “Son, you used to be a partner. Dad has never interfered with you, but this girl is really not for you! Split up with her.”
  ◆ When I quarreled with my mother, I was a bit too aggressive, and I regretted it after I said it. She calmly said: “Okay, do not make any noise, do whatever you want. After all, I had a mistake first, it was my fault that gave birth to you.”
  ◆ I caught a cold at night and my mother took it. A few pills for me to take. When I slept in the middle of the night, my father called me a few times. I asked what was wrong. He said, “It’s okay. Your mother said that you got the wrong medicine. Let me see if you are still there.”