Why do people have two ears and only one mouth? It just gives you one more “channel” to listen. In the process of communicating and communicating with people, using ears is more effective than using mouth. Studies have shown that the best way to communicate is 80% listening and 20% expression.
For the party who talks, the purpose of speaking is to hope that their opinions will be taken seriously, and that others can appreciate their own state of mind, otherwise, no one will waste time and waste their words. For the listening party, if you want to establish a sincere relationship with others, you must truly understand the heart of others, just like a student listening to a teacher, and patiently listen to others to finish, so that you can know what he is talking about, and what is conveyed is what’s the message.
Listening to the voices of others is the best care and support for them.
Let the other person finish
Everyone has the experience of speaking. When you talk, others always grab the head of you. How do you feel? Therefore, during a conversation, a smart person will first let the other person finish speaking, and then start speaking. When others are talking, even if they have different opinions on a certain issue, wait for them to finish speaking before expressing their opinions, and never interrupt them.
If someone makes calls or sends and receives messages at will while speaking, it is an act of disrespect for the person. Even if it is a call that must be answered, you must obtain the consent of the other party before answering it. As for making phone calls, sending and receiving messages, that is absolutely impossible.
Keep eye contact with the other person
Eye contact is an effective supplement to language communication. Maintain eye contact with the other party, and by observing words and colors, you can understand the key points of the other party’s words and understand his intentions. Maintaining eye contact with the other party first shows that you are very concerned about his speech, that you are listening attentively, and that you are not thinking about it.
Use body language to give thumbs up
If you agree with what the other person said, you can nod your head gently, or use body language-a look, a gesture, a smile, etc. to express your opinion. Studies have shown that leaning forward and close to the other person is the most religious listening posture. A moderate praise will not only not affect the effect of the conversation, but can also create a good conversation atmosphere. The more you praise, the more you can make the other person feel happy, and the more accurately the other person can express their thoughts.
Put down the shelf and listen carefully
Listening is not just a matter of friends. If you are a boss, please listen carefully to the subordinates, learn more about their difficulties, put yourself in their minds, and they will be loyal to you; if you are a teacher, listen more to the students. Care about their lives and listen more to their hearts, so that there will be no generation gap between teachers and students and get along well together; if you are a parent, you also need to listen. Even if your child does one thing wrong, don’t Blindly scolding, only by calmly listening to the child’s explanation, fully understanding the child, objectively analyzing the cause of the problem, and discussing coping strategies together, can the child accept and correct the mistake.
Pay attention to the other person’s expression
Sometimes, the conversation is conducted in a specific environment. Because of the influence of some external factors, people who speak are often incomprehensible or insincere. In other words, his language may not fully reflect his true intentions. At this time, the listening party must observe his words and colors, not only listening to the other party’s language, but also observing his expressions, and discovering his illocutionary meaning.
Ask the appropriate questions if you don’t hear clearly
During the conversation, if you really don’t hear the meaning of the other party’s words, you can also ask questions. In fact, being able to ask some questions to the other party shows that you are listening carefully, which is completely different from interrupting the conversation or grabbing the head of the conversation. Sometimes, asking questions appropriately can enhance the other person’s sense of trust in you, and he will reveal more important information to you intentionally or unintentionally, so that the conversation will go deeper.
Sometimes, clever questions can inspire the other person’s ideas, stimulate the other’s enthusiasm for speaking, highlight the key points of the conversation, and receive unexpected results.
Keep a certain distance
During the conversation, the distance between the two people is also exquisite. If the distance between the two parties is too close, it will cause troubles caused by saliva, breath, etc.; if the distance is far away, it seems to be a thousand miles away and lacks a sense of closeness. Keeping a proper distance facilitates the emotional communication between the two parties and facilitates the creation of a relaxed and pleasant conversation atmosphere.
Understand the other party’s intentions
Listening to listening is not really listening to the sound, but to listen to the intentions in the words and figure out the purpose and intention of the other person. Some people say here and mean there. If the obedient people cannot understand the true meaning of the words, they will make wrong judgments and take wrong actions.
Listen to people without prejudice
If you have a prejudice against a person, you can easily be blinded by this prejudice when you are talking. Although his words are important to you, you will not easily listen to his words. Therefore, when communicating with people, we must first try to eliminate prejudice and don’t think things so complicated.
Be a loyal listener
Sometimes, after telling you the direction for a long time, there is actually no appeal and no clear purpose, just to confide in you. Speaking of it, the other party’s heart will feel better. The reason why the other party can tell you about his own affairs shows that your relationship is extraordinary. Treating you as the object of your confession is the other person’s trust in you. Even if you are not interested in what he said, you have to be patient and listen to the words, just as doing a favor to your friends.
Capture useful information in the other party’s speech
Smart people are very good at capturing useful information for themselves in communicating with others. However, no one’s speech can be used every word, it is all useful things. Articles have “artistic eyes”, and speech is the same, no matter how long a conversation, only one or two sentences are useful. This requires us to be good at analyzing and judging when listening, be good at picking up the rough, removing the false and keeping the truth, and making the most of it for my use.
Don’t change the subject of the other person
To listen, you need to temporarily put yourself aside and take the other person as the protagonist, so that the initiative of the topic is on his side. When the other party is talking, if you try to change the subject, you undoubtedly want to change roles. Since you are a listener, you should be willing to play a supporting role. If you are not sure about positioning yourself, you can pretend to talk, and you can imagine the outcome of the conversation.
When the other party’s speech is really irrelevant and digressing, you should also remind him in a timely manner. After all, your time is also very precious.
Learn each other’s strengths while listening
Everyone has its own uniqueness. These personal strengths and strengths are hidden in his words. If you can listen attentively, be good at capturing these shining parts, and digest and absorb them for your own use, this will be a very cost-effective thing. The so-called “Listen to the Lord’s words, better than read ten years of books”, this is the truth. Smart listeners will never rush to argue because they have different opinions from the other party, do not rush to conclusions, do not eagerly express their suggestions, and do not focus on thinking about how to refute the other party’s views.
Don’t rush to evaluate the other person’s point of view
Stick to the one-minute principle. Studies have shown that within one minute of the end of the conversation, you should not directly answer his questions. You only use transitional language to communicate with him, and then put forward your own point of view after a minute. The advantage of this is that it shows that you have formed an opinion after serious consideration. This opinion is more mature.
End unpleasant conversations at any time
If you can’t accept the other party’s point of view, your conversation is not going smoothly, or you have reached a deadlock, and if you continue to go on, there is a danger of a complete talk collapse, then you don’t need to waste time, and you should end this unpleasant conversation as soon as possible. At this time, you can clearly tell the other party that today’s conversation cannot go on. We might as well think about it calmly, and then find a suitable time to talk.
Appropriately appease each other’s emotions
If the other party is emotional and cannot express one’s own opinions clearly, as a listener, you should comfort the other party appropriately and wait for them to calm down before speaking. If you are of the same sex, hugging or patting the other person on the shoulder is an effective way to stabilize your emotions.
Don’t laugh at each other
No matter how naive and ridiculous what the other person said to you, he can tell you all this, showing that he fully trusts you. So, don’t laugh at him, don’t comment on him with a high profile. Even if you disagree with his ideas, give him the understanding and comfort he wants.
Don’t ask too many details
Occasionally emphasizing details will arouse the enthusiasm of the other party, but if you keep asking questions while the other party is speaking, although it seems to be responding, but the response is a bit too much, it will be overwhelming, because it will easily interrupt the other party’s thinking , Make the other party unhappy.
Show one’s attitude
Talking to you must have a certain purpose. After listening, whether you accept, understand, or oppose, you should have something to say. Otherwise, his speech will not stop. Moreover, only by expressing your attitude can your conversation end. If the other party has been talking hard for most of the day, and you have no response, without a clear attitude, the other party will take advantage of the excitement and return, and will no longer treat you as a friend.