I always thought that I lived a very open-minded life, but after I joined this new marketing team, I found that I became more and more narrow-minded, and my jealousy became stronger and stronger. Nothing”, why did I live in the way I hate the most? Harbin: Wu Shuang
”I’m sore”, this sentence has become a buzzword in recent years. Everyone may know that it comes from the “sour grape psychology” in psychology, but they don’t know that there is a “sweet lemon psychology” corresponding to “sour grapes”. In life, when you look at the same thing from different angles, you often get different conclusions.
It’s all a psychological defense mechanism.
A fox wants to eat grapes, but he can’t reach them because the grapes are too tall, so he says the grapes are sour. Another little fox couldn’t find any delicious food, only found a lemon, and said while eating, “This lemon is sweet, just what I want to eat.” In frustration psychology, when the individual fails to pursue the expected goal, people call it the “sweet lemon effect” in order to dilute their inner uneasiness by increasing the value of the goal that has already been achieved, so as to achieve psychological balance; The original goal to dilute inner desires and reduce anxiety is called the “sour grapes effect”.
These two effects are the most commonly used psychological defense mechanisms, and their essence is to cover up personal mistakes or failures in order to maintain inner peace. It can be seen that both of them cannot get what they want, but the two reactions are quite different. “Sour grapes” balance inner inequality by reducing the value of the other person, while “sweet lemons” increase their own value to satisfy themselves. It is all to calm down the mood lost due to “frustration” and protect the self-worth of “frustration”.
Jealousy is an instinct.
From the perspective of mental health, both sour grapes and sweet lemons have positive meanings. Their essence is the same. They both use some kind of “rationalization” to explain the situation when one’s pursuit fails. , so as to change the vicious stimulus into a benign stimulus, achieve self-psychological balance, and avoid self-stress and pain. There are positive and negative sides to the same thing, it depends on how you choose. If you indulge in the negative side, you will only make yourself painful and distressed; on the contrary, if you look at it with a positive attitude, the whole person will suddenly see the light.
From the perspective of evolutionary psychology, jealousy is an instinct. If you feel aggrieved when you see other people’s excellence, it’s okay to say it openly. If you feel that this method is too straightforward, you can also write (or draw) an emotional diary, let yourself face your emotions intuitively, record the scenes where you will have “sour grapes psychology”, and analyze the specific points that trigger your emotions , and perfected in a targeted manner.
Avoid “stock thinking”
You stand on the bridge to look at the scenery, and the people who look at the scenery look at you upstairs. Most people live too “sourly”, and are used to looking at what others have that we don’t have, or the side that is better than us. Always look up to others, and often ignore the happiness around you.
You might as well add some “sweetness” to your life, cultivate your own “incremental thinking”, and avoid “stock thinking”. Increment refers to the increase in the number of holdings in the system within a certain period of time. In many cases, the “cake” is not fixed, and it does not mean that if someone else eats one more piece, you will eat one less piece. Both study and work are dynamic, and the “cake” can grow bigger and bigger. The excellence of the people around me is a good impetus for me. Instead of being jealous, it is better to strengthen yourself and meet a better self.
