From waking up, getting dressed, having breakfast to going out in the morning, and from eating, bathing, brushing teeth to going to bed at night, the children practice Dafa one by one with superb skills, and they use it superbly and vividly in every aspect of life. What many parents face is that the reality is in chaos, and they are still immersed in their own world. You can’t wait to yell and scold, but TA is still slow and indifferent. Parents are so angry that they need a heart stent, but the baby’s chronic disease is still stubborn. what to do? Is there really no cure for the child’s dawdling?
You need to figure out these few things
1. Question: Is the child really born to be slow?
A: Yes, it is human nature.
In the book “A Practical Guide to Quality Parenting”, Erica Reschel, a famous American psychologist, mentioned that grinding is an inevitable stage in the process of children’s growth. It is precisely because of the dawdling that they can focus on the matter in front of them. Children who can’t dawdle are the ones who really have problems.
Adults have a concept of time, but children do not. In the young brain, time is an abstract and ethereal unfamiliar term. The standard of reference for all actions of human cubs is their own rhythm.
They are in a state of sequential execution, and they are born with “lazy perception” of time. What I think in my mind is that I have done this thing, and then I will do the next thing. If you are attracted to something else in the middle, then this thing is “the next thing I want to do”.
The “quick, quick, quick” that parents chatter and urge is just an empty tone particle to them. They lack the perceptual experience of time, don’t understand what 5 minutes means, and don’t know how long half an hour is, and “I’m going to be late soon”, how long is it right now? Because the last time my mother said this, the lateness did not happen, or, there was no consequence for being late. So for a preschool child, asking him to finish one thing in 5 minutes is a bit “unreasonable”, because the child doesn’t know how long 5 minutes are.
Scientists and pediatricians have concluded the circadian rhythms of children through research:
Before the age of 2 and a half, they do not understand what “time” is, live in the present, and have no concept of the future;
2 and a half to 3 years old, begin to understand “time” and “sequence”, and can distinguish “past”, “present” and “future”; 4 years old, have a
certain sense of time, and can describe some daily things, but must At the age of five, I can gradually tell the specific time to do it; at the
age of 6, I like to listen to the previous stories, and can remember a few points at the beginning, but I still don’t feel the length of “10 minutes” and “half an hour”; at the age of
7 , I can look at the clock and tell the specific time, but I still dawdle because my subconscious has not accepted the point of view of “what time needs to be done”.
Children seem to be slow, just because they lack the concept of time.
Allowing children to follow the growth rhythm, feel “time” step by step, and feel the orderly rules of doing things is an indispensable process to help children get rid of the grind and learn time management.
2. Question: If you urge more, the child will get up faster?
Answer: Wrong, the more you press, the more you delay.
We often dislike children for dawdling, but is it because the children are too slow, or the parents are too fast? If you observe carefully, you will find that most of the time, it is the parents who are demanding their children at an adult pace.
We hope that children will brush their teeth, wash their face and have breakfast as soon as they wake up; we hope that children will take the initiative to read their homework as soon as they come home from school; we hope that children will take a bath and brush their teeth quickly, and it is best to lie down and fall asleep… But the non-stop world belongs to adults, the world of children Li——I just opened my eyes in the morning, and when I wake up, I should roll twice on the bed, stretch my waist, and lie on the bed; how wonderful it is after school, it should be running around the neighborhood twice, playing with toys, and eating a few snacks; homework is a bit annoying, which makes me Touch the stationery first, look for textbooks, scratch the itch; if you want to hug before going to bed, then fight with your father more, and then act like a baby with your mother…
These “ADHD + procrastination” that adults hate seem trivial and annoying , but it is a process in which children feel life in their own rhythm and establish a law of life.
Dr. Laura Markham says: Children need and crave clear routines. Because discipline gives children a sense of security and helps them develop a self-disciplined character. Human beings are afraid of many things, and the “unknown” is the most likely to cause worry and fear. Adults still procrastinate, and children are no exception.
For things that are about to be done but don’t really want to do, the child is using this series of small movements to make a transition in his mind, a little bit of acceptance, just like taking a deep breath before a race, so that he has the courage to slowly lift his feet and step into a new field . The sense of time and order are also gradually established and consolidated in the child’s mind during this process.
Scientists have given a biological explanation for the real reason why young children dawdle. In our human brains, there is a limbic system responsible for immediate gratification, and a prefrontal cortex (reason) responsible for making and implementing plans. People’s daily actions are determined by the game between the two systems.
For children whose brains are not yet fully developed, the rubbing is caused by the prefrontal cortex responsible for rationality, which is inhibited by the limbic system responsible for pleasure, and no physiological habit has been formed at this time. When the child grows up and the limbic system becomes stronger, the balance of the game will begin to be controlled, suppressing the prefrontal cortex, and tilting towards self-discipline. Therefore, children who dawdle are not sick, but parents who urge are the worst.
Time management trilogy: the magic weapon to break the procrastination The first thing
that can fight procrastination is time management. The first thing parents have to do is to let their children have a sense of time.
Only by knowing time and understanding time can we understand what time to do; how long it takes to do one thing; what consequences will be brought about by dawdling and wasting time.
1. Help children understand the cost of time. William Dimon, a professor at the Institute of Education at Stanford University in the United States, once used economic thinking to analyze and interpret the real reason behind children’s procrastination – lack of “cost awareness”.
Cost: refers to the labor required to do something, or a certain amount of energy and price required.
People with cost awareness will rationally analyze the effort of doing one thing, so they are clear about their own gains and losses, understand what “should be done”, and then strengthen self-control when doing things, and strive to gain something from the effort.
But people who lack cost awareness only think of “what I want to do”, but don’t know what they have paid and what they will lose, so they will be confused and aimless, only care about pleasure, and often indulge in what they like to do.
The nature of children is to drive behaviors based on preferences, so they don’t care about “should or not”, just “whether I want it or not”. Therefore, it is particularly important to help children recognize “want” and “need”.
2. Help children prioritize and arrange time reasonably. The “Four-Quadrant Rule” proposed by the famous management scientist Stephen Covey divides things into four quadrants according to the two different degrees of importance and urgency: both urgent and important, important but not urgent, urgent but not urgent Important, neither urgent nor important.
In terms of time management, we can also infiltrate children with the difference between “important” and “urgent” frequently in life, so that children can use this method to learn to classify things encountered in life and study.
Step 1: Prioritize events.
”I want to sleep a little longer and don’t want to get up.”
”I’m going to school, or I’ll be late.”
The former means “want”, but it won’t affect if you don’t do it, so it’s “important” but “not urgent” matter.
The latter is a “need” and must be done, otherwise it will have an impact, so it is an “important” and “urgent” matter.
We need to complete the “important” and “urgent” events first, and then do the “non-urgent” and “unimportant” things. After establishing such a concept of time management, let children understand that things can’t be done according to their preferences, and things should also be prioritized.
Step 2: Divide tasks into four quadrants.
Parents can give some options, discuss with the children which ones must be done and which ones they want to do, or give the children a table and let them classify by themselves.
The more involved the child is, the more committed he is to achieving the goal, and the harder he will work. For example:
Have to is something that must be done, even if you don’t like it very much. Such as doing homework, practicing piano, eating, bathing, brushing teeth, going to bed on time, etc.
Want to is something we like and are willing to do. Such as watching TV, drawing, playing football, eating snacks, playing games, etc.
After classifying daily tasks into “high”, “medium” and “low” levels, we can help children establish basic principles for completing tasks.
Step 3: Establish principles for getting things done.
Quadrant 1 (Important and Urgent): Do it now! ——Focus on it, do it with the best condition and efficiency.
Quadrant 2 (important but not urgent): Have a plan to do it! ——Step by step, break through each one.
Quadrant 3 (urgent but not important): Make time to do it! – Complete efficiently, or reduce occurrences.
Quadrant 4 (Not Important and Not Urgent): Do it when you have time! ——Free choice, you can do it or not.
Let children understand that after judging the priorities of things, they should give priority to necessary urgent tasks and learn to abandon unnecessary things.
Time management is not black and white. Use fragmented time to do different things interspersed, buy time to do what you want to do, and use time reasonably to extend time.
3. Only when you know where the time goes can you seize the time
To defeat the child’s procrastination, in addition to teaching the child to use the time reasonably, it is also necessary for the child to realize where the time has gone.
We can teach children to make schedules and budget for time, just like allocating pocket money, allocating the time required for daily tasks. At the same time, we need to regularly review the game with our children to see how the task has been completed.
Which tasks were left unfinished? (Exercise goals not met, homework not done, not enough reading time…)
What is the reason? (Too much time is spent eating, missing homework, too late to wash before going to bed…)
How much of the planned time has been stolen by time thieves? How should we avoid time thieves and protect our own time?
When children know time and know how to cherish time, they will optimize their behavior and reduce the waste of time.
This is also the key to defeating children’s procrastination disease-establishing the internal drive of time management.
