Adolescence refers to the transitional period in which a child grows from a child to an adult, and is a special period for both parents and children.
For children, puberty means that they are about to grow into adulthood. They yearn for independence, and are full of yearning and expectation for the adult world; they establish their own values, outlook on life and world outlook during adolescence, seek self-role in the process of coping with new challenges and dilemmas, and develop “self-identity” ( Adolescents’ needs, emotions, abilities, goals, values and other traits are integrated into a unified personality framework, that is, self-consistent emotions and attitudes, self-penetrating needs and abilities, and self-constant goals and beliefs). That is, the individual tries to combine all aspects related to himself to form a self-determined and coordinated self that is different from others and has a unique “uniform style”.
For parents, adolescence also means a period of rebelliousness. Children who were originally obedient became grumpy during adolescence, and everything had to be reversed. They were emotionally sensitive and wanted to seek independence but could not really be separated from the care of their parents. Features add pressure to parent-child communication and family education.
In the process of children’s growth, fathers play a special role in leading children to understand social rules and explore new worlds, and have an important impact on adolescent children’s self-role cognition, establishment of three views and self-identity development. So how do fathers communicate with their adolescent children?
First of all, we must respect the ideas of children and communicate with them on an equal footing. Adolescents yearn for independence and think they are qualified to be independent. They want to make their own choices more than their parents make decisions for them. In such a state of mind, children often choose options that are different or even opposite to their parents, even if they know that their parents’ choice may be the best option. From the small to the food and clothing, to the choice of school and future development path, there will be countless conflicts between parents’ expectations for their children to become dragons and their children’s needs to find self-worth.
If there is a dispute, parents must first understand that the child is in the stage of self-development: they are knowing who they are and looking for what they want to do; parents should understand and respect the child’s ideas, and adolescent children have stronger self-esteem , emotionally more sensitive, what they need is full respect from others. When the differences are too great, parents can communicate with their children, analyze the pros and cons of the two different options with an equal attitude, objectively and rationally, and avoid adopting a dominant attitude that shows authority or overriding them, otherwise it will cause the child’s rebellious psychology.
The parent-child communication method adopted by the two fathers Ji Shengli and Fang Yuan in the TV series “Little Joy” is a good example: Ji Shengli, as the mayor of the district, devotes himself to his work all the year round, but neglects the company of his children. He is accustomed to bringing the official speech and attitude into the communication with the child, which arouses the child’s resistance; Fang Yuan often accompanies the child, and when he learns that the child wants to participate in the art examination, he does not directly oppose it, but chooses to conduct the test with the child. Communicate, help them understand the art test first, and then make a decision. Now many fathers are accustomed to bringing their commanding words in the workplace into their communication with their children, which can easily arouse the children’s disgust. Fathers should also realize that adolescent children especially need to be respected and understood by others. Equal communication methods and a respectful attitude are the prerequisites for good communication between fathers and adolescent children.
Second, fathers should lead by example and set a good example for their children in what they say and do. In the process of growing up, children will involuntarily imitate what their father did, and most adolescent children already have certain independent thinking and judgment ability, they will examine everything around them and selectively accept external information. A proactive, responsible, and emotionally stable father is far more likely to be recognized by his children than a passive, lazy and irritable father, and it is also more conducive to improving the quality of parent-child communication.
Adolescence means not only resistance and conflict, but also infinite possibilities and rapid growth. Adolescence is an important period for children’s growth and development, and the active guidance of fathers is one of the keys to escorting children’s growth. Communicating with children on the premise of respect and with an equal attitude; leading by example in life and paying careful attention to children’s lives are the keys to guiding children’s growth.
