West is a writers, writing all day and dealing wholeheartedly in the work, often go home at night to work overtime. The child is young, and both parents need someone to take care of it. She was very dissatisfied with her husband and often yelled at her: “You work all day long, so you don’t ask at home anymore!” When she was working, her husband cooked or ordered takeaways. Sisi only had to move his chopsticks. Just say: “Who asked you to eat, why don’t you cook, why do you eat?”
Afraid of her husband being angry, Xixi gets up at 5 o’clock every morning to clean up, send her children to school, and take the initiative to take on more housework. She happily mentioned that a certain car is more beautiful, and her husband immediately asked, “Who told you that, do you know anyone?” Gradually, Sixi dared not mention anything new and didn’t dare to make friends. “I’m like a woman of the old age. I don’t have the right to speak, but I only obey silently.” She told the author, “I really want to be 60 years old, so that my husband may no longer care about me, so I can breathe freely.”
Psychologist : organic put the “I” part rekindle
West as a professional woman, in essence, should be good, spent a lot of time at work is inevitable. Husbands are strong and sometimes show absolute desire for control. In fact, they lack self-confidence in marriage.
It is recommended that Xixi start with small things and shift from actively caring about the feelings of the controller to paying more attention to his own feelings. It is best to find a good point, continue to communicate, communicate, and confront the controller, and say to the other person again and again: “I love you, but I have my ideas and my choices.”
30-year-old Tongtong: Dear John is afraid, afraid to refuse any request someone else’s
glowing have taken an enviable job, doing a beautiful hand PPT. Because of her strong writing ability and understanding of business planning, many people ask her for help. For the “requests” of friends around her, she always refused to come. No one had ever offered her a reward, and she was stupidly enjoying it, feeling that it had helped her friends and exercised her abilities.
In June 2020, her mother had cancer. Tongtong was washed away with tears every day. She almost collapsed and had no time to work.
”Tongtong, help me write a summary tonight and hand it in tomorrow morning.” My girlfriend Xiaomei sent a message to WeChat. “I’m sorry, I’m in a bad mood, can I take a few more days.” Tongtong said her refusal for the first time, but Xiaomei turned her face immediately: “I want to use it tomorrow. This is very important to me. Your writing is so good. It’s a matter of a few minutes, why are you so hypocritical!”
So, Tongtong was crying while helping Xiaomei write the manuscript until 5 in the morning.
Psychological experts: please type people, their feelings can not live centered
glowing problem is that she always try to avoid expressing their true feelings, fear of conflict, afraid to let others unhappy. When others violated one’s own principles and bottom line, oneself is already very unhappy, but still can’t express it. It is easy to become a good person who works hard to suppress and give hard, but can not exchange recognition, and even be disappointed and betrayed.
The “I” defined by others overwhelms the real “I”. It is the pain of each individual who lives in the role expectation. The role expectation of these societies is a huge obstacle to a stronger sense of self. Get rid of the pleasing personality, dare to express yourself, dare to say “no” to things you don’t want.
38-year-old Junjun: He paid meticulously, but his boyfriend only contacted the
38-year-old when he needed her . Not only was he not married, he had never even talked about a serious relationship. For 5 years, Junjun and a netizen have maintained a nominal boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. A meeting many years ago made her fall in love with this man at first sight.
”Cool down, wear more clothes.” Jun Jun cared for his so-called boyfriend in every possible way. I bought clothes for him, and often cooked soup and sent it to his boyfriend’s unit. While enjoying Junjun’s contribution, her boyfriend treated her indifferently and never took the initiative to contact him.
One day, her boyfriend even asked her out. This made Jun Jun very excited. He went to the mall to buy a beautiful dress and put on makeup carefully. Unexpectedly, her boyfriend borrowed money from her, so Jun Jun borrowed 40,000 yuan to him without hesitation. After that, her boyfriend became more and more indifferent, and rarely responded to Junjun’s information. In this way, Junjun’s heart is almost dry, and her boyfriend will only contact her when he needs money.
Psychological experts: make your own in a serious low, is teaching others to abuse you
in our network of relationships inside, there is often this inequality: You have to listen to me, as I come, or I put you how. So everything is straightforward.
Jun Jun is in a serious low position in the relationship with her boyfriend. To put yourself in a severely low position is to teach others to abuse you and to lose emotional energy. So people need to learn how to not lose themselves in interpersonal relationships. When you can enjoy the warm feeling of being with people, it becomes the nourishment of emotional energy.
It is recommended that you make friends with people who can get along with others equally in the interpersonal environment. Putting yourself in a proper low position, although safe, will not let you enjoy warmth and friendship.
37-year-old Qingqing: The “good old man” recognized by the circle of friends dare not be himself
10 years ago, since she graduated from graduate school and walked out of school, Qingqing has not changed. Hair style has not changed, all long straight hair, wearing has not changed. In the workplace, she has a very cheerful personality, is always gentle and responsive to her colleagues, and is recognized as an “good old person” in the circle of friends. When being with others, Qingqing will instinctively capture the feelings of the other person the first time, shielding her own needs and desires, even if she is uncomfortable, she will still consider the other person. When she returned home to be alone, she became extremely vulnerable again, with insecurities, loneliness, and pain that held her all day long. “I thought I had no desires and no demands, but I didn’t actually live in this world as a subject, and this subject has desires, needs, and humanity,” Qingqing said.
Psychological experts: I can not do it yourself, is afraid to face the consequences of uncontrolled
There are a lot of people behave outside the sun, positive, but wants to be alone Shique looked very depressed. To be “oneself” means to take responsibility and to face uncontrollable consequences.
Qingqing did not dare to build relationships. Although people who build relationships are always scarred, they still live better than people without relationships. So the most terrifying thing is loneliness. Loneliness means that your heart cannot escape, and in the end you become more and more bored in your inner world. Interpersonal relationships are a huge training ground, so I encourage everyone to build interpersonal relationships. We must fall in love. To fall in love is to show our hearts in this world.
27-year-old Yaya: always feel that they do well, kept remorse
Yaya childhood is learning the class bully, six years of primary school exam in addition to a 99 exceptionally, all out. But the beating and scolding of her mother that time cast a shadow in her heart.
After graduating from graduate school, she started to work. Ya Ya still has strict requirements on herself, and she is not allowed to have any flaws in her work. Colleagues deliberately alienate her because she is jealous of her excellent work, and she will feel that she is not doing well and constantly blame herself.
”I have believed since I was a child that criticizing myself and treating myself harshly can make a person better.” Yaya told the author that the education we have received since childhood is like this, “beating is love, scolding is love”; Criticism makes progress.” Since our parents have not been loved by others, they cannot have so much tenderness and love for their children.
Psychological experts: all in all, we must stop the self from attacks began
when you can not blame others, many people will immediately carry out serious self-denial, self-attack. To strengthen oneself, we must first be aware of and let go of self-denial and self-attack.
Once you realize that you are starting automated self-criticism, self-criticism, and self-attack, you call “stop” to yourself. Learn to change into a “good mother” and “good friend” way to love and treat yourself. Learn to focus on solving problems instead of accusing and attacking yourself.
