Russ Stone, a well-known American communication expert, shared his own personal experience in his book “Difficult Conversation”:
he found the road blocked on his way to work. It was a one-way street, and a taxi and a private car did not give way to each other, blocking the road. So, Douglas got out of the car and knocked on the taxi’s window, saying, “Master, I think you are a professional. You can’t go out on such a narrow road if you don’t have any level. You should be the only one who can reverse the car and trouble you to reverse. Do you want to ?” The
taxi driver nodded immediately and said, “Okay, who asked me to be skilled.” He immediately backed up the car.
If Douglas came up and said, “You are also an old driver, why don’t you know how to give in?” It is estimated that most drivers will get angry and say directly: “I won’t let you, what can you do!”
Why did Douglas only use a few sentences Does that solve the problem? First of all, he did not judge right or wrong, but subtly and subtly regarded the other party as a person with a higher technical level. He threw out the assumption that high-level people would give in. The taxi driver was happy to accept the assumption, so he relented.
When we want a person to change, we have to put that person in the “right” position so that he is willing to do better. People always want to prove that they are right, and “right” is a person’s psychological needs. We want to cooperate with people, and it is best to put the other party in the “right” position. This is the psychological benefit. When you satisfy the psychological interests of the other party, the other party may allow you to obtain material benefits.
This method seems simple, but it is not easy to do, because it is not easy to recognize that others are right before communicating. Even if we want to achieve self-recognition all the time, it is a difficult thing. In daily life, a little misunderstanding, a single comment or criticism will make many people feel wronged, so they try their best to prove themselves in various ways.
However, people who are truly confident have a high sense of self-worth. They are convinced of their true worth, so they can humbly accept misunderstandings, corrections and even criticism from others.
Therefore, when we communicate with people, we need to put others in the “right” position first, and take the lead in affirming their value. When their sense of self-worth is high, they will not be angry or twisted, and they will be willing to communicate with us smoothly. ,Cooperation.
