When people reach middle age, all kinds of stressful events in life increase sharply-there are old people at the top, and small people at the bottom, career climbs, but physical functions begin to decline again. The first factor in balancing this stage is to learn to think more about yourself.
The TV series “Xiaohuanxi” tells the story of a group of parents who accompany the college entrance examination and children in the third year of high school. In the play, Haiqing plays a middle-aged mother Tong Wenjie who is in trouble. Her work is unsatisfactory, and her middle-aged husband is fired by the company. The biggest dilemma she faces is that her son Fang Yifan has poor academic performance. In the class, the three words “Fang Yifan” basically represent the last one. I am Tong Wenjie, a schoolmaster, and I absolutely don’t allow my child to fail the university entrance examination, so there are often conflicts between the mother and child.
Most people live for others
The worries of our adults are mostly due to the family, and most of the worries in the family are due to the children. Take Tong Wenjie as an example. Her husband was unemployed and she was not overwhelmed; if she was demoted, she could start from scratch. But because her son did not make progress in his studies, she exploded in an instant.
Mainland Chinese actress Papi Jiang once talked about the importance of family members in her mind in variety shows. Her ranking is the most important to herself, then her lover, children, and elderly. In her opinion, besides herself, the one who can accompany her for the longest time is her lover, then the children, and the parents are the last.
But for many parents, the first person in the family is always the child. In “Xiao Huanxi”, Tong Wenjie’s mobile phone note to her husband is “his dad”. For her, to accompany her through the rest of her life, the first label is not her lover, but her son’s father.
In China, many parents are extremely tired all their lives, and after having children, they are all for their children. When the child is an adult, worry about the child getting married. After finally getting married, I have to help with my grandson. After finally being able to have a life of oneself, the body is useless.
When they look back on this life, they may feel that in this life, how come I seem to live for others?
People who don’t love themselves are actually the most “selfish”
Fang Yifan has actually worked hard in his studies, but his grades have not improved. There are two reasons for this. On the one hand, he is really not interested in learning; on the other hand, he comes from his mother.
Tong Wenjie said the most to her son, “Are you worthy of me?” In her opinion, her efforts should be repaid, and this is precisely one of the reasons why Fang Yifan does not like to learn. In his view, learning is for his mother, because if you don’t study well, your mother will get angry.
Putting the child’s status ahead of oneself is sometimes a disaster. People who don’t love themselves are actually the most “selfish” and the easiest to cause harm to others. Just like a black hole, he will suck in all the energy around him. If their lives are not fulfilled in the future, they will inevitably complain: “If I hadn’t paid so much for you in the first place, would I be the way I am now?”
Put yourself first
Parents who have taken their children on an airplane will surely know this. On an airplane, if you need to wear an oxygen mask in an accident, you must first wear it for yourself before you can wear it for children. Because if the parents themselves are in a state of hypoxia, there is no way to save their children. If you want to save your child, you must first save yourself.
In family relationships, the same goes for wanting to be happy. If you are not even happy, how can you make your children grow up happily?
Especially when people reach middle age, all kinds of stressful events in life increase sharply-there are old people at the top, and small people at the bottom, career climbs, but physical functions begin to decline again. It is easy for people to feel exhausted at this stage, everything goes wrong, there are many things they want to accomplish, but they all seem to be incapable of doing things.
Psychologist Daniel Levinson believes that life is like the four seasons, each season has different scenery and continuous changes. But middle age is the most important transition period for a person. During this period, individuals face four important problems: attachment, separation, desire for intimacy, and more introspection and self-care.
If a woman pays her attention completely outside during this time, she doesn’t care about her heart, she doesn’t relieve her pressure, relaxes properly, or even gives up, or she doesn’t pay attention to her physical changes, according to her physical and mental endurance. Re-adjust their goals, they will not only be very tired, but will also be full of dissatisfaction with the surroundings, pour their inner pressure on other people.
In fact, at this stage, if you can adjust your reality and ideals, balance your energy according to your own state, choose to abandon some goals, and reformulate your goals, many women will be able to pass this period of anxiety. During this period, you will gain more wisdom and empathy, your horizons will become broader, and family satisfaction will increase. But the first factor to be able to balance this stage is to learn to think more about yourself. If in the past put others first in life, especially children in life, then they should all abdicate.