Some time ago, Peking University girl Bao Li (pseudonym) was “controlled” by her boyfriend Mou and her suicide became a hot topic and continued to ferment. Behind the incident, the “PUA” that had been exposed once again surfaced.
PUA originally referred to the communication methods that some men learned to improve their emotional intelligence, but gradually turned into a bad method to deceive women, control women’s spirits, manipulate women’s emotions, and thus deceive money and sex. In the ultimate tutorial of PUA, it is to instigate women to die to show loyalty and love to men.
Although many people feel that PUA is far away from themselves, emotional manipulation has always been hidden by our side. Many people have been holding the idea of ”I love you, so you should listen to me”, which invisibly manipulates the emotions of their partners.
1 under the rest of my life story “destroyed” in his hand
talking about something jade, surrounded by friends very sadly. It seemed to everyone at the time that it was just a kind of sadomasochistic love drama. Now, after savoring the incident of the female students at Peking University, some abnormal emotional manipulation can be seen.
Meiyu met her second boyfriend after hurriedly ending her first marriage. When he first came into contact, the man acted as a gentleman and seemed to know everything about Meiyu. In the initial process of getting along, her boyfriend showed great concern for Meiyu, and at the same time, he constantly emphasized that he himself is a successful man, so he can understand Meiyu comprehensively and can give her various suitable suggestions.
Not surprisingly, Meiyu is deeply in love with this boyfriend. But when the relationship between the two went further, Meiyu found that her boyfriend had slowly changed, from the previous caring to the current attack. He used to say that the past is over, but now he says that Meiyu is not good enough to keep her first marriage; if it were not for her own rescue, no one would accept her. At first, Meiyu also argued that “the people who chase me can also line up”, but in the end, Meiyu also began to doubt whether she was really not good, so she had a failed marriage, and how she met the incumbent. valuable.
After Meiyu’s mentality changed, her boyfriend went a step further and began to interfere in all aspects of Meiyu’s life. He first cut off Meiyu’s social interaction with the opposite sex. In fact, Meiyu is a very beautiful woman. Not only does she often have parties, but she also meets privately, but her boyfriend always says: “Do you really think that someone likes you to invite you? It doesn’t mean that you are a second-married person. Make up the number.” Meiyu was shocked after hearing this, and her boyfriend took advantage of the heat and asked her not to participate in such messy gatherings. After all, she had a boyfriend. Gradually, everyone discovered that Meiyu not only did not attend the opposite sex social activities, but also rarely attended sex parties. Meiyu opened her own store to do business, but after being with this boyfriend, her boyfriend began to “guide” her business gradually. Not only did she give out a lot of bad ideas, she also offended many customers, which led to a great loss of Meiyu’s business.
After a series of operations, Meiyu’s whole person was depressed a lot, and finally it was a business partner who had cooperated for many years to wake up Meiyu. But Meiyu is already deeply involved and obeys this boyfriend. Sometimes she would wake up for a while, quarrel, think about separation, and even successfully separate for a while. But the two “sticked” together for too long, making it difficult for Meiyu to get out. Until now, Meiyu occasionally said that “she was ruined in his hands for the rest of her life”, but she did not leave him, and the two have not married yet, Meiyu is still manipulated to live by him.
Husband Story 2 “curse” imprison her
in fact, objectively speaking, jade boyfriend and did not want to occupy the property jade, jade just kept listening to his requirements. In other words, there may be few people around us who deliberately manipulate someone emotionally. But human emotions are complicated. The relationship between two people can easily change from the initial “I love you, willing to love you unconditionally, and give for you” to “I love you so much, shouldn’t you listen to me” ?” or “I love you so much, I do everything for you, you have to listen to me”.
The reason these words are so familiar is that these manipulations are dictated by human nature and are promoted by social factors and are easy to appear.
Qinglian, who had been married for 15 years, recalled that, thinking about how she got along with her husband over the years, her husband always said, “You, a person like you, don’t have any skills at all, and you are only suitable for being a housewife.” In fact, Qinglian knew in her heart that doing housework well was also an advantage, but her husband kept hitting her, causing her to overthrow her views unknowingly, and denying her past self during her husband’s constant bombardment. Established the self that the husband said “only suitable for being a housewife”. She didn’t realize that she was too far away from the society until she attended a parent meeting for her son. The “curse” of her husband made her really confine herself in a home of more than 100 square meters.
The purpose of daily emotional manipulation is not to kill anyone, and even the implementer himself does not think it is a manipulation, but there are traces of such emotional manipulation. First of all, the implementer will establish a very successful image, which is especially easy to achieve in the family. Generally, as the head of the family, a husband naturally has the glory of a successful person; secondly, he will always attack your shortcomings, such as “Look at you, your figure is so out of shape”; “You still want to do things by yourself, you even “One plus one is almost unclear”; “Don’t be stinky, this time is just a fluke, you will fail one day so that you don’t even know your mother”… When you are constantly denied and attacked by these words, slowly become confident There will be little left in the heart, and the heart will collapse; then you start to reshape yourself according to his description, for example, you are not suitable for doing things, you cannot succeed, and you are very ugly. When you get to this point, the other party can directly control you, “You who are so bad can only listen to me and follow me.”
If you say that such manipulation is a bit inconspicuous in the relationship between the sexes, it maps to the parent-child relationship. It’s easy to go up, keep blaming the child for “you are bad”, and then the child really becomes bad, and you start to take his nose away. In the emotions of both sexes, women are slightly weaker, the result of manipulation will be relatively obvious, and the other half will manipulate each other like a child.
Analyze the use of self-confidence and self-love to deal with emotional manipulation
Reasonable criticism and suggestions can make people progress, but continuous negative blows can only destroy a person’s self-confidence and collapse the person’s heart. This is the purpose and harm of emotional manipulation. During the fermenting process of the female suicide incident at Peking University, many media have also issued “notes” on how to avoid being manipulated. The most popular one is “Yiping teaches you how to deal with PUA.” In this video, Shuhuan keeps saying that she is good for Yiping. In fact, she keeps hitting Yiping, saying that she is unscrupulous, and then telling her to follow her own words; but Yiping did not get the trick, but instead saw the trick and refuted it. The argument of Shuhuan.
Yiping’s unique strategy against Shuhuan is her rationality and self-confidence. Shuhuan puts a hat on Yiping, hoping that Yiping will resonate with herself and obey her words; Yiping directly refutes that feelings are based on mutual understanding. Why do you ask me to resonate with you, but you don’t come to resonate with me? ? From this point, it can be seen that Yiping is “blind” to feelings but never “blindly obeying”. She knows that the true essence of feelings is mutual love, rather than one party giving unconditionally to the other. When Shuhuan asked Yiping to be responsible for Mengping’s experience, Yiping clearly refuted that it was Mengping’s own problem, not her fault. Why should she be responsible, and that Shuhuan’s moral kidnapping and emotional manipulation were eliminated . From these two points, Yiping has a clear mind and clear logic, and she has her own bottom line principles and self-confidence. She is not the kind of person who admits that she is wrong when others say you are bad.
How to avoid being manipulated by emotions, first of all, is to have confidence and believe in yourself. Others’ evaluation of you only sees one aspect of you, and you are the person who knows yourself best from the inside out. Don’t deny yourself because of the denial of others. Second, always love yourself. Not everyone is good, but everyone must love themselves. Parents gave birth to you not to make you suffer, but to hope that you will always be happy. This expectation cannot be changed because of the appearance of the opposite sex. Even if I am really lackluster, but a little bit of merit is worthy of my love. You can tell yourself that your hair color is very dark, your eyes are beautiful, or that you have helped others to accomplish an important thing today. This is something worthy of your own affirmation. If you really love yourself, you will not go to extremes because of others’ manipulation and denial.
Finally, I hope that while loving yourself, you can also accept your imperfect self and allow yourself to make mistakes. Many people who are manipulated are inferiority people and people who are afraid of their shortcomings being exposed and dare not face it. So you have to recognize yourself as an ordinary person and allow yourself to make mistakes so that you can face yourself directly. While making mistakes, you have to learn to take responsibility and dare to behave, others can’t do anything to you.
