How is your relationship with your mother?
What is your relationship like with her?
What was the most sad time in your memory for her?
In a family, the mother bears the important responsibility of raising children. Although the shaping of a person’s character is related to many factors, the influence of the mother definitely plays a decisive role.
Austrian psychiatrist Adler said this:
Lucky people use their childhood to heal their lives, while unfortunate people need to use their future lives to heal their childhood.
Susan Forward, an internationally renowned psychologist, said that what really destroys you may not be your original family. What is more terrifying than the incomplete original family is the presence of these three types of “toxic” mothers.
The toxic behavior mentioned here does not refer to occasional emotional lows, but to long-term and frequent tantrums with children.
Overly controlling mother
If a mother is too controlling, she is particularly afraid that she will no longer be needed by her children.
For this type of mother, they hope that their children will never be able to live independently. Once their children mature and have independent personalities, they will get rid of their mother’s control, thus causing great pain to their mothers.
Such a mother regards her children as the only ones in her life. As long as the children fly away, the mother’s life will lose its meaning.
Why do extremely controlling parents appear?
To put it simply, although these people have a strong desire to control, they also give everything to their children. When they think that they have given everything to their children, the children must be obedient and sensible as a response to their parents. Repay, otherwise it would be unfilial.
Song Qian in the TV series “Little Joy” is a typical example. In order to monitor her daughter’s every move at all times, she changed the wall between her daughter’s bedroom and the living room into transparent glass.
She habitually decides everything for her children, including winter camps and college entrance examination applications. She has to make decisions on everything. As expected, her daughter suffers from moderate depression in this high-pressure life.
In my daughter’s heart, there is no warmth at home, just like a prison. Some parents are not overtly controlling. They use concern as a package to control their children.
There was a mother who had to wait for her child to come back for dinner after working overtime. The child repeatedly told her that she didn’t have to wait. However, when she got home after 8 p.m., she found that her family was still waiting for her without food.
From the child’s perspective, this does not make him feel happy. Instead, he feels moral kidnapping from his family. Rather than saying that the mother is worried that the child will get worse if he does not eat, it is better to say that her subconscious wants to use this method to give orders. Children go home early.
Controlling parents cannot tolerate their children’s independence. Once their children show signs of resistance, they will continue to exert pressure, making their children’s personalities more immature. In this way, they can permanently control their children’s behavior. life.
Verbally abusive mother
When children are young, they often regard their parents as the only ones in their lives, and their self-evaluation mostly depends on their parents’ evaluation of them.
Parents who tend to be verbally abusive often use extreme words and high-frequency insults to treat their children. Children feel no love from their parents, only devaluation of appearance, intelligence, ability and human value.
Some mothers often insult their children. They will say:
“Why are you so stupid? I really don’t know why I gave birth to you.”
There are also some people who talk about small things over and over again. Even if these parents are right, if one thing occurs frequently, the children will still be unable to bear it.
Children who have been abused for a long time will be particularly insecure. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs theory, security is at the second level and is a basic human need. When a child lacks a sense of security, he will worry about gains and losses and live in fear every day. among.
The child’s worldview is not yet mature, and all his actions come from the heart. If the parents do not understand him, but blindly curb his behavior, or even threaten to abandon the other person, then the child will continue to suppress his heart when he grows up, and then become a child. A person with a pleaser personality.
physically abusive mother
When a child keeps crying, many parents will lose their temper and spank them twice. This punishment stems from the child’s challenge to the parents’ authority. However, mothers with physical abuse tendencies usually do not do it because their children make mistakes, but take the initiative. Find trouble.
Once they encounter work pressure or family conflicts, such mothers will find any excuse to punch and kick their children . If the children live in a family full of violence for a long time, they will develop contradictory and divided personalities. On the one hand, they hate Violence, hate parents, on the one hand, regard their parents’ actions as role models, and believe that violence is the only way to solve problems and vent emotions.
The original family can greatly affect a person’s personality, and these types of mothers are important reasons for destroying a child.