On Relationships, Choice, and the Myth of the “One and Only”

  There are thousands of men who could be a good husband to a woman.
  When this sentence came out word for word from the mouth of a lawyer girlfriend, I, sitting opposite, almost slid from the chair to the floor.
  Don’t make such a fuss. This can also be said to men in turn, there are thousands of women who can be good wives for you. You know I don’t mean that everyone can do anything. My upbringing and career prevent me from saying such silly things. I am so unconventional because I am aiming at the kind of “uniqueness” that writers often advocate in their works. Girlfriend talks freely.
  There is no one, the only one is a lie. You look around, what is unique? The sun? There are countless suns in the universe, and there are countless stars bigger than it, brighter than it, and stars. Diamond? Maybe one day we will fly to a planet made of diamonds, and even the roller skating rink is paved with diamonds. That kind of clear and transparent stone has a simple atomic structure and is easier to copy. Fingerprints? Fingerprints are also the same, although theoretically, this possibility is only possible among billions of people. Fortunately, we are not looking for a criminal when we are looking for a husband, so we don’t have to be so precise. In many things in the world, excessive precision is bound to be harmful. A partner is basically a vague mathematical problem, and you have to be sloppy when you should be sloppy.
  There is a very harmful saying: Every green leaf is different. I believe that under the electron microscope of scientists, there will be big differences between leaves, Chu River and Han Realm. But in the eyes of ordinary people, they are indeed very similar. To insist on looking at basically the same things as completely different is to be a neurotic and mystifying person. In the forest, if you put on a microscope and look at the tall trees, your eyes will be filled with pale green, your head will be dizzy, and you will be unable to grasp the whole forest. arrive.
  Marriage is an ordinary problem for ordinary people. Don’t make it artificially complicated. The person who is suitable to be your husband is by no means an anomaly that has never been seen before or since. Just like we are ordinary women who have already existed, those ordinary men have also been living peacefully on the earth for many years. We are not just one person, but also a type. Just like people who like to eat dumplings, most of them also love steamed buns and pies. Science has long proven that onions and carrots have similar temperaments and will definitely become good friends. Soybeans and castor naturally coexist peacefully. Roses and lilies are planted together, and each has lush flowers and green leaves. But cabbage and celery are incompatible with each other. Lilacs and daffodils are even more incompatible. Tulips will simply kill forget-me-nots… If you are a rose, as long as you soberly and firmly find one of the lily species, you will basically gain happiness.
  Of course, although the absolute number of a certain type of people is large, the earth is very big and people are walking around. Whether we can meet a specific suitable partner at a specific time is not too optimistic. .
  If you believe in the only one, you are destined to stumble around in the vast sea of ​​people, just like a small boat trying to catch a trout that doesn’t know where it is hiding. What awaits you are countless thirsty dawns and sleepless moonlit nights.
  Holding on to the desire to have the only one often makes women have the idea of ​​​​assembling boyfriends and husbands. Appearance is a very important bargaining chip, so it is naturally at the top of the list. In addition, one of them has a good education, another has a good family, another has a gentle temper, and another has a successful career… Women wish they could dismantle men, chop off the best parts of each, and use the above parts to glue them together with their delicate hands. How wonderful it would be to create a new, exquisite man!
  It’s a pity that the universe is vast, where can we find such glue?
  This superficially beautiful fantasy is at its core a cloud of false gray mist. There is almost no such thing as a perfect match in a marriage. At many weddings, the marriage we thought was made in heaven died like lightning. True golden and silver weddings are mostly about time-honored running-in and tacit understanding.
  Women should not place their happiness in life on the careful selection of men before marriage, thinking that choice is everything. If you get it right, everything will be fine; if you get it wrong, everything will be a complete failure. A choice is just an opportunity to make a decision. Of course, it is better to be right than wrong, but the right choice is only a good beginning. Even if the course is wrong, we will still encounter storms. The fresh water is gone, the oars drift away, the sails are broken…
  all kinds of dangers are like hidden reefs, lurking in the waterway, and may capsize the boat at any time. I made the wrong choice, but I lost the first game. A bad start is certainly frustrating, but the season is still long, so you can prepare yourself for the coming year. As long as you win the final victory, you will be a good chess player.
  In our journey of life, we often have to enter markets where sales fail. The pain packaged in gorgeous clothes is forcefully sold to us without any explanation. This heavy and painful burden is depressing. So out of the store, many people used their hands of forgetfulness to throw away the pain as quickly as possible. This is emotional self-protection and is understandable. But it is a pity that buying a coffin and giving it back a pearl is not worth the loss. What you pay is the gold coin of your life, and what you get is just garbage. If we can endure the torment of our soul and carefully open the layers of packaging, we will find in the core of the pain the precious gifts randomly given by failure – experiences and insights that are hard to buy.
  If you persistently believe in the only one, and find nothing after searching hard, or find it again and lose it, and are very upset, you will get a small and lump sum deposit receipt that makes saving painful. At any time, you can add some income to the income column to record it. . When it accumulates to a considerable amount, it may be able to kill you if you squeeze it all out on a lonely night.
  Even if you choose to be very lucky to be close to the “one”, you can’t let it go. “Only” is not a life-long safe insurance policy, but a living creature that needs maintenance, nourishment, fertilization, and careful care. There is no little animal like marriage that needs nutrition and cleansing vitamins more. Just as there is no eternal enemy, there is no eternal lover. The lover rises with the new sun every day. The more emotional the love, the easier it is to go rancid. Just like delicious broth, if it is not boiled every day, it will quickly breed bacteria and lead to spoilage.
  Don’t believe in the only one. There is no single profession in the world. As long as we are diligent and dedicated, there are thousands of professions suitable for us to operate. There is no single benefactor in the world. As long as you are kind to others, there will be warm hands to help you in times of crisis. There is no unique opportunity in the world. As long as you are prepared, hope will shine tenaciously. There is no only person in the world who can only be your wife or husband. As long as you are self-aware, find the type that suits you, and love each other sincerely for a long time, you will experience the happiness of being together.
  My girlfriend finished speaking, and her thoughts enveloped us. I said, many of your words made me enlightened, but…but…what? Just say it. My girlfriend is a cheerful person.
  I asked, is it because work and love are not the only ones for you that you are so decisive? No matter what you say, I still believe that there is a “only” probability in the world. Just like jade, we cannot deny its preciousness just because we have never owned it ourselves.
  My girlfriend smiled and said, if a probability is so rare that it is almost zero, why should we hold on to it? How many marriages in the world suffer due to the pursuit of the ethereal “one and only”! For us ordinary men and women, resistance is the only, perhaps, path to happiness.

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