Why Women Don’t Owe Explanations: The Power of Refusing to Justify Oneself Against Unfounded Accusations

This situation may often occur in real life: a boy asks a girl, “Why are you wearing so little? Are you not cold? Aren’t you afraid of catching a cold?” How should the girl answer? Is she trying to prove that she’s not cold? Explain that you forgot to check the weather forecast or have no sense of warmth or coldness? Can’t afford thick clothes? Does your family have a cold-resistant gene? I thought for her, “Aren’t you tired of taking care of so much every day? Do you have common sense because colds are caused by viruses? Do I need you to give me money to buy medicine when I have a cold?”

Many people now point out that you should avoid the trap of self-proof in life. When you are accused without reason, you should not prove your innocence. The burden of proof lies with the other party. The other party’s motives are not pure. No matter how you prove yourself, it will be in vain and will cause harm to yourself. Unnecessary stress.

Tian Song wrote in the book “The Springboard of the History of Science”: “Proving one’s own innocence is a particularly difficult task, and sometimes it is impossible… What the person who was falsely accused should have done in the first place was not to prove one’s innocence at all . , but asked: Why should I prove it to you! ”

“Many people have had this experience in elementary school. Classmate A lost something in the class. Someone suspected that classmate B had stolen it, so he asked classmate B to look through his schoolbag. If classmate B wanted to prove his innocence, he could give his schoolbag to If everyone reads it, then he will fall into endless misfortune. If there is something in the schoolbag, of course you have proved that you are a thief; but if there is not in the schoolbag, it does not prove your innocence. Some people will say that if you hide it on your body, you will be a thief. They will continue to ask for a body search. If there is no body search, it still cannot prove your innocence, because some people will say that you must have secretly handed it over to your friend and classmate C, so the next step is to go through classmate C’s school bag and search his body… This logical chain will never end. The correct response is to refuse to prove your innocence from the beginning and refuse others to search your schoolbag. If someone forcibly searches your schoolbag, call the police. ”

According to the book “Research on the Privilege System”, the requirement not to prove oneself originated in the United Kingdom, and then in 1791, it was absorbed by the Fifth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution and became a constitutional right. Under the provisions of the amendment, no one may be forced to incriminate himself in a criminal case.

In 1964, a U.S. federal court explained the rationale for the privilege against self-incrimination as follows: “It reflects many of our fundamental values ​​and noblest desires… We prefer the prosecution-defense style to the inquisitorial style. our criminal justice system; our respect for the right of every person to have a private domain in which to live a private life…our distrust of self-denial; and our recognition that this privilege, while sometimes a refuge from crime, is more Often it is the protection of the innocent.”

Historically, and even today, women have been more susceptible to unfounded accusations, and society has many stereotypes and constraints on women. More than a hundred years ago, British scholar Mary Stopes said in the book “Sexual Respect”: “It is not uncommon for two healthy, loving people to just not seem to be able to conceive a child. This is not an uncommon situation. Traditional The concept is that the culprit of this problem is women, and blaming women who cannot have children has caused unspeakable suffering to many people. Now, we have gradually realized that in some childless families, men and women are responsible for this’ The probability of ‘fault’ – if it can be considered a fault – is the same, especially among men who do mental work in the city.”

An article in the Harvard Business Review said: “No matter what kind of company, women who ask for a raise are criticized…Evaluators are reluctant to work with a local woman who negotiates a raise because she appears less humble and more materialistic. Strong. In the culture of Gulf Arab countries, women are more humble than men, and men are recognized as the breadwinners of the family. Women’s wages are considered to be used for personal consumption, not to contribute to family income. ”

American writer Cody Nilis said that questions that single women do not need to explain include: How long have you been single? Do you want children? How many cats do you have? Why don’t you want to get married?

Those who accuse you can always find reasons. If you dress up, they will say you are coquettish. If you don’t dress up, they will say you are sloppy. If you take care of the children, they will say you are too family-oriented. If you do not take care of the children, they will say you are irresponsible. You often When you go out to play, he says you are a social butterfly. When you rarely go out, he says you are withdrawn. The best policy is to “don’t speculate in half a sentence”.
“When you explain yourself, you’re wasting time and energy trying to make others understand something they can never truly understand. Over-explaining only hurts yourself, and it makes you less confident and insecure.”

For unfriendly questions, when you are bored, you can sarcastically follow the other person’s words, such as “Why does a girl want to ride a bicycle?” “Cycling is dangerous, and giving birth is also dangerous. Can women not have children? Women Can we play tennis? Can women read and write novels?”

Not self-certifying is a right, a strategy, and a sign of progress.

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