The Paradox of First Love: Discovering Self in Joyce’s Dublins

　　Our lives are actually very hazy. What hazy means is that we don’t know what we can do at best and what we can do at worst.
　　To a large extent, we go through life without knowing much about ourselves. However, first love sometimes pushes you to release your inner passion, allowing you to reach an extreme state and finally understand what kind of person you are.
　　Joyce’s collection of short stories “Dublins” contains fifteen stories, the fourth of which is called “Eveline”. Evelyn was a girl who lived a very ordinary life. Later she fell in love with sailor Frank, who wanted to take her to Buenos Aires in South America to start a new life. Evelin was very happy and excited, finally getting rid of these gray days.
　　We often see when we are in love that first love makes people look brand new. In this new look, it is possible that we have not thought about the difficulties and pressures involved, and have not truly digested these things psychologically. So the kind of first love that starts quickly is often very unstable.
　　Evelin made an appointment with Frank, and one night, when it was foggy, the two of them ran to the pier. The pier was crowded with people, and Frank rushed through the iron fence, leaving a little distance between Evelyn and him behind. She only had to step over a railing to get on the boat. Unexpectedly, she grabbed the iron fence and couldn’t take a step.
　　There is a high degree of symbolism here. After taking this step, the new world is completely unknown. Although the original life was poor, it was knowable, predictable, and in a sense dependable. Many people will get stuck at this point, and would rather live a life that makes their hearts full of dust than open up a somewhat thrilling new world.
　　Evelyn felt very desperate at that moment. She grabbed the iron fence and looked at Frank. Frank looked back at her and said, “Evelyn! Ivy!” As a result, she had no choice but to raise her pale face, helplessly, just like a cornered animal. She looked at him blankly, with neither love nor farewell in her eyes, as if she were looking at a stranger.
　　Of course, Evelin also understood that she could not live such a distant life. Because the past nineteen years had eroded her soul from the inside, she only had a superficial desire to escape in her mind, but when it came time to actually act, she no longer had the power, and this was exactly what she wanted to do. This is the state of many of us today.
　　Many of us talk about love and longing, but they are just talk. When we really want to take action, we cannot move. To really take action, some people still want realistic things, such as cars and houses.
　　Once people know their own limits, they will be willing to accept it deep down. Breaking up will also make people re-recognize themselves and start running their own small lives. Although this is a bit sad, it may be a common situation at a certain stage of life.