Life

The Importance of Emotional Value in Maintaining a Healthy and Happy Marriage

  I watched the popular drama “The Right Way to Open Life” two days ago and was moved by a scene in it.
  Full-time housewife Fu Xintong paid a deposit of 1 million yuan in advance to send her son to study abroad, but the money was defrauded.
  When her husband Bian Liang learned that his wife had been cheated and the money was difficult to recover, he did not get angry. Instead, he comforted his wife: “Don’t take this matter to heart. Just think of it as a loss in the stock market. You have to pay for the mortgage and son’s tuition fees. Don’t worry, there’s still me.”
  Many viewers commented: Bian Liang showed everyone how important the emotional value is in married life.
  Psychologist Robin Beiman also said that in the relationship between the sexes, the level of emotional value directly affects the quality of marriage.
01

  A partner with high emotional value does not blame others when things go wrong.
  Blogger @黑猫白 socks went on a trip and met a family while flying. One of the children in this family had an expired certificate, so the mother gave up traveling and took the child home. Because the luggage was checked in my mother’s name, the luggage was naturally returned in the end. As a result, other family members are traveling empty-handed.
  The blogger imagined that if a similar situation happened to his parents, they would definitely blame each other. But the attitude of this family was completely opposite: the couple was not angry at all, let alone blamed each other. Instead, they called someone to help pick up the luggage and then sent it to the travel destination. The atmosphere throughout the whole process was very relaxed.
  There is a term in psychology called “alienated communication style”, which means that when encountering a problem, instead of trying to solve the problem, you blindly blame the other person. When something has already happened, blaming cannot undo the damage, it will only amplify the problem. A happy marriage is not the absence of conflicts, but the wisdom of not criticizing.
  Qian Zhiliang, a professor at Beijing Normal University, also saw a similar scene. Once, while he was on a business trip, he sat next to a young couple with their several-month-old child. The wife is holding the child, while the husband is quietly reading a book. At this time, the child started to cry when he was hungry, and the wife wanted to make milk powder for the child. The husband was immersed in reading and did not notice this. The wife said to her husband: “Obviously there are more important things for you to do at this time than reading. I need you to hold the child so that I can free up my hands to feed the child.” Make milk powder.” Only then did the husband react, immediately closed the book and took the child over.
  This seemingly simple conversation is actually something most people cannot do in life. Most wives may yell at their husbands directly: “Can’t you see that the child is crying? He’s like a piece of wood all day long, counting on me for everything!” If you
  communicate like this, then it is conceivable that the two of you will inevitably have a heated argument. quarrel.
  There is a saying that goes well: The so-called good relationship comes from one person’s tolerance and the other person’s tolerance.
  Always remember that in a family, relatives are more important than reason, tolerance is more important than transformation, and feelings are more important than care.
  Less blame when things happen is the preservative of marriage.
02

  A partner with high emotional value does not complain when in trouble.
  Someone once asked on Zhihu, what is the source of a prosperous family?
  Someone replied that if couples complain less and support each other, life will get better and better.
  Zhao Xicheng, known as the “Chinese Shipping King”, gradually stabilized his life after marriage and became more and more prosperous. At this time, Zhao Xicheng got an opportunity to go abroad. If you go abroad, it means giving up the prosperous living conditions at that time and starting from scratch. After his wife Zhu Mulan learned about it, she did not stand in the way, but fully supported her husband’s career.
  When the family first arrived abroad, life was very difficult, and Zhao Xicheng worked three jobs a day. My wife, who comes from a wealthy family and has lived a comfortable life since she was a child, has never experienced such hardship.
  But she never complained about her husband. Instead, she was busy every day, carefully preparing three delicious meals a day for the whole family.
  With no worries, Zhao Xicheng was able to concentrate on his career and eventually became a wealthy man.
  Yang Lan once said this: “When you are most helpless and weak, when you are most depressed and downcast, someone will hold up your chin, straighten your spine, and accompany you to bear the fate together. At that time, In addition to love, the relationship between you also includes a sincere loyalty, a tacit understanding that never leaves you, and an unforgettable kindness.”
  Life will inevitably have its ups and downs, and the best relationship between a husband and wife is when they encounter troughs and encourage each other to get out of the predicament. , instead of just complaining.
  In the era when Mo Yan and his wife Du Qinlan got married, the standard three-piece wedding set was: bicycle, sewing machine, and watch.
  Mo Yan’s family is not rich. He bought a sewing machine and a bicycle, but he has no money to buy a watch.
  Du Qinlan did not complain, but comforted Mo Yan: “It doesn’t matter, as long as you are nice to me.”
  After marriage, Mo Yan worked in the army and had no time to take care of his family. In order to support her husband, Du Qinlan quit her job in the cotton mill without hesitation and took over all the housework and farm work.
  When a person is surrounded by life, has heavy responsibilities, and is under great pressure, it is especially easy for him to develop many negative emotions.
  But if you look around, you will find that everyone is facing many hardships and tests in their family life.
  The host Wang Han said that when you are alone, be kind to yourself; when you are two people, be kind to each other.
  Couples who come together because of love should learn not to complain when things happen, but to think more about ways to solve problems. As long as husband and wife work together and work together, there will be no obstacles that cannot be overcome or disasters that cannot be overcome.
03

  A partner with high emotional value will not argue when things go wrong.
  I have read this passage: “If a family wants peace, one of them must give in. If both husband and wife want to gain the upper hand and prove that they are right, then this relationship is wrong.” Living under the same roof, it is inevitable
  that There will be stumbling blocks, but truly wise people never treat family as a battlefield.
  Mr. Ba Jin is 13 years older than his wife Xiao Shan. When two people live together, it is inevitable that there will be conflicts. But the two have been married for 28 years and have never had a single quarrel or blush.
  Ba Jin would silently support whatever Xiao Shan wanted to do and never interfere. In Ba Jin’s eyes, Xiao Shan will always be the “little girl” with big eyes, a kind heart and a gentle character.
  Xiao Shan once confessed to Ba Jin affectionately: “My eyes will always follow you. You will always be in my heart. Do you know how happy I am to accompany you on this journey?” There was unconcealable joy and joy in her words. happiness.
  Balzac said: “Husbands and wives should get to know each other and understand each other, and then tolerate and respect each other, so that they can maintain a happy marriage.”
  In marriage, everyone will make more or less small mistakes, which will make the other party sad. A small flaw that is not pleasing to the eye. Only by accommodating and understanding each other can two people make a happy and long-lasting marriage.
  After Yang Jiang and Qian Zhongshu got married, Yang Jiang liked to be clean, but Qian Zhongshu didn’t stick to one pattern.
  When Yang Jiang puts up towels, she always stacks them neatly edge to edge or corner to corner. Qian Zhongshu thinks it’s troublesome, so he always puts them on casually.
  Every time Yang Jiang saw it, he wasn’t angry, nor did he force him to put it back together. He just put it back together according to his own habits.
  When there was a real quarrel about something, Qian Zhongshu always gave way to Yang Jiang.
  Once, Yang Jiang couldn’t help but ask Qian Zhongshu: “Why do you always give in to me every time we quarrel? Sometimes I reflect that it’s not just your fault.”
  Qian Zhongshu replied: “Because you are mine, even if If I win the quarrel, what will happen? If I win the argument, if I lose the relationship, if I lose you, I will lose everything in my life.”
  In marriage, what is more important than winning or losing is the people around you. If the quarrel is won and the family is separated, what’s the point?
  The writer Desire said: “Without accommodation and consideration, what kind of family would we have?”
  There are no perfect people in this world, let alone a perfect marriage. All seemingly perfect marriages are just two smart people accommodating each other.
  Life is really hard, and only by being with a partner with high emotional value can you make the hard days sweet.
  Luo Jinyue, a well-known psychological counselor, has been practicing for more than ten years and has come to a conclusion: all comfortable marriages provide sufficient emotional value, while most bad marriages must lack emotional value.
  The emotional value I understand is nothing more than having more affirmation, encouragement and praise and less complaining, blaming and fault-finding in the process of getting along with your partner.
  In a marriage relationship, emotions are worth ten thousand dollars.
  Only by catching each other’s emotions can you hold each other’s hearts.

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