The High Cost of Divorce for Men in Singapore
In today’s society, the dissolution of marriages appears to be increasingly facilitated. It has become almost commonplace for two individuals to part ways when their opinions diverge. However, in Singapore, where the institution of marriage is governed solely by the Women’s Charter in the absence of a Marriage Act, divorce proves to be a formidable challenge for men. Not only does it entail a protracted process, but the exorbitant costs of alimony dissuade many men from pursuing such a course. Even in cases where the divorce is attributable to the woman’s misconduct, the man remains obligated to provide alimony until his former spouse enters into a subsequent marital union. Should the woman choose to remain unmarried, this burden becomes a lifelong encumbrance for the man.
The central figure of this narrative finds himself physically and mentally drained as a result of a grueling international divorce battle. Were he granted the opportunity for retrospection, he would prefer a perpetual state of bachelorhood rather than engaging in matrimony with ease within the confines of Singapore.
Embarking on a voyage to a foreign land and encountering genuine affection
“In Singapore, one must exercise caution when pursuing a separation. One should not find oneself ensnared in a dire predicament due to an ephemeral fit of rage!” Such was the admonition delivered to Gao Dayong by his compatriot, Uncle Cheng, during their initial altercation with Gao Dayong’s Singaporean wife, Jenny Li. Regrettably, Gao Dayong neglected to take this counsel to heart at the time. In his estimation, divorce amounted to nothing more than a mere formality involving the issuance of a certificate and the division of assets.
Gao Dayong, hailing from Weihai, Shandong, and born in the year 1988, previously operated a tourism company in China. However, with the advent of the novel coronavirus pandemic, he was compelled to shutter his enterprise and lay off his employees. In order to settle the exorbitant fees charged by the local pickup agency, Gao Dayong found himself obliged to liquidate his assets. Consequently, he relocated, alongside his wife and children, to his parents’ modest abode.
To make ends meet, Gao Dayong embarked upon a relentless pursuit of employment opportunities. Yet, in the throes of the pandemic, securing gainful employment proved to be a formidable endeavor. Just as Gao Dayong was confronted with mounting obstacles, his wife, Liu Jing, initiated divorce proceedings, citing her desire to spare their son the tribulations associated with familial financial disputes. Disheartened, Gao Dayong acquiesced to the divorce agreement without hesitation.
Following the separation from his son, Gao Dayong resolved to wage a battle for his rightful place. He entrusted the care of his parents to his cousin, Gao Lingling, and, leveraging the resources garnered from his prior sojourns, he depleted the limits of his credit card to settle a fee of 55,000 yuan with a placement agency, all in the hopes of securing employment in Singapore. After successfully navigating the rigors of the selection process, he seized the opportunity afforded by the suspension of international flights and ventured forth onto foreign soil without looking back.
Upon his arrival in Singapore, Gao Dayong found himself assigned to the position of a chef at the esteemed Mandarin Oriental Hotel. Despite the arduous nature of his duties, he persevered with dogged determination, intent on repaying his debts at the earliest opportunity. It was not long before he encountered his fellow townsman, Uncle Cheng. Having arrived in Singapore from Qingdao, Shandong, two decades earlier, Uncle Cheng commenced his career in the foodservice industry, eventually ascending to the proprietorship of his own restaurant, thereby attaining a middle-class status. Uncle Cheng’s accomplishments served as a profound source of inspiration for Gao Dayong. The latter became convinced that, through unwavering diligence, he too could attain a breakthrough.
After more than a year of relentless struggle, Gao Dayong succeeded in liquidating his debts. Armed with a surplus of funds, he eagerly sought to revive his former occupation. Exhausting all his savings and securing a loan of SGD 50,000 from Uncle Cheng, Gao Dayong established a travel consultancy firm in the vicinity of Sentosa, specializing in catering to independent clientele from around the globe seeking to explore Singapore. Owing to his extensive professional background and his warm, attentive service, Gao Dayong swiftly garnered a reputation of distinction within the realms of travel enthusiasts. An increasing number of individuals sought his expertise in designing itineraries, securing airfare and accommodations, and even engaging in business collaborations.
Amidst his professional endeavors, Gao Dayong encountered numerous local tour guides in Singapore, among whom was Jenny Li, a 29-year-old Singaporean woman. Gao Dayong found himself collaborating with her on multiple occasions. Each time he received effusive praise from his clientele regarding Jenny Li, his heart could not help but be stirred by profound sentiments.
Jenny Li, a divorcee herself, had endured her fair share of hardships and heartbreak. She had gone through a difficult divorce that left her emotionally scarred. However, her encounters with Gao Dayong, their shared experiences, and their growing friendship gradually blossomed into something more profound.
Gao Dayong and Jenny Li spent countless hours together, exploring the hidden gems of Singapore, engaging in deep conversations about life, love, and their personal struggles. Their connection grew stronger with each passing day, and they found solace and understanding in each other’s company.
As time went on, Gao Dayong realized that his feelings for Jenny Li went beyond friendship. He found himself falling deeply in love with her, captivated by her strength, resilience, and unwavering support. Jenny Li, too, found herself drawn to Gao Dayong, appreciating his kind heart, determination, and the way he brought joy and light into her life.
One fateful evening, as the sun set over the picturesque Marina Bay Sands, Gao Dayong mustered the courage to express his feelings to Jenny Li. He poured out his heart, recounting how their bond had transformed his life and how he couldn’t imagine a future without her.
To his delight, Jenny Li reciprocated his feelings. She confessed that she, too, had fallen in love with Gao Dayong, and that their connection was unlike anything she had ever experienced before. They embraced, sealing their newfound love with a tender kiss, and from that moment on, their lives intertwined in a beautiful tapestry of love, hope, and shared dreams.
Gao Dayong and Jenny Li embarked on a journey together, building a life filled with love, trust, and mutual support. They understood the importance of open communication and made a conscious effort to nurture their relationship, ensuring that they learned from the mistakes of their pasts.
As they navigated the joys and challenges of their relationship, Gao Dayong and Jenny Li celebrated their shared cultural heritage and embraced the diversity of their backgrounds. They incorporated elements of both Chinese and Singaporean traditions into their lives, creating a unique blend that honored their individual identities while forging a strong bond as a couple.
Together, they faced life’s uncertainties with resilience and a deep sense of gratitude for the love they had found in each other. They supported each other’s dreams and aspirations, celebrating each other’s achievements and offering a comforting presence during times of setbacks.
Gao Dayong and Jenny Li’s love story serves as a testament to the transformative power of genuine affection, resilience, and the willingness to take risks in pursuit of happiness. Their union defied the odds, bringing two individuals together from different walks of life, proving that love knows no boundaries and that, sometimes, the most extraordinary connections can be found in the most unexpected places.
As soon as Uncle Cheng hung up the phone, his son Cheng Kai came home. Cheng Kai was already in his twenties. Gao Dayong joked casually: “When are you going to bring your daughter-in-law back to meet her parents?” Upon hearing this, Uncle Cheng quickly stopped him: “Don’t rush him, it’s fine to be alone, get married and divorced.” The cost is too high! When it comes to marriage, it is better to be short-lived than to take risks easily!” Gao Dayong couldn’t help but shook his head and laughed: “You were bitten by a snake once, but you are afraid of well ropes in ten years!” What happened to Uncle Cheng
, Gao Dayong deeply understood the reasons why Singaporeans generally marry late or even never marry. He couldn’t help but sigh: The Women’s Charter is the best protection for women, but it is too unfriendly to men!
Despite this, Gao Dayong, who was deeply in love, did not waver in his determination to marry Jenny at all. After marriage, Gao Dayong applied for Singaporean citizenship and soon had a daughter. Jenny Li said goodbye to her career as a tour guide and concentrated on taking care of her children at home. In order to reassure his wife and daughter, Gao Dayong gave all the money he earned to Li Jenny for safekeeping.
Looking at his beautiful daughter, Gao Dayong often misses his son at home. But being in a foreign country, he could only occasionally video chat with his son. The ex-wife repeatedly asked Gao Dayong for money in the name of her son’s need for money, and each time she asked for more money. In the past, Gao Dayong always tried his best to satisfy her, but after remarrying, all the money was given to Li Jenny for safekeeping, which made Gao Dayong very embarrassed.
Li Jenny saw all this. She didn’t say anything, but she controlled the family’s money more tightly. Even when Gao Dayong’s father was hospitalized and his cousin called to ask for money to pay the medical bills, Li Jenny was ignored. He used the excuse of “Don’t think I didn’t know that you asked for money to give to your ex-wife” as an excuse. Gao Dayong did not want to make the relationship between husband and wife too tense, so he had to borrow money from Uncle Cheng to tide over the difficulties.
Because of money, Gao Dayong and Li Zhenni had a rift for the first time. In order to avoid similar conflicts, Gao Dayong had to re-register a bank account and only gave Li Jenny enough living expenses every month. He explained to Jenny Li: “I still want to expand my business, so I will wrong you first. When the funds are withdrawn, the economic power of the family will still be handed over to you.” Gao Dayong’s unnatural expression naturally could not escape Jenny Li’s eyes, and she sneered. He said: “I’m afraid it’s to save money for your ex-wife and son!” Gao Dayong quickly explained: “Of course not! I will never forget that she abandoned me when I was in the most difficult time. Such a woman is not worth it!” “After hearing this, Jenny Li’s expression softened a little.
Although Gao Dayong got through temporarily, the suspicion was as pervasive as the wind, and he vaguely felt that Li Jenny’s attitude towards him had changed subtly. Once, when the two were talking about a social news, Li Jenny blurted out: “I have known for a long time that you foreigners are unreliable!” Gao Dayong was stunned: “Am I so unreliable in your heart?” Li Jenny felt self-conscious He made a mistake and quickly changed his words: “I was joking with you.” But even so, Gao Dayong still felt like a sharp knife was stuck in his heart, stinging.
Transnational marriage ended sadly
. As time passed, Li Jenny’s increasingly obvious alienation made Gao Dayong panic. He wanted to spend more time with his wife and daughter, but every time he finished work and hurried home, what greeted him was either a cold pot or a cold stove, or the back of Jenny Li pretending to be asleep. Several times, Jenny Li even abandoned her daughter and stayed up all night. Gao Dayong finally couldn’t bear it anymore and decided to have a good talk with Jenny Li.
One day, Gao Dayong took Jenny Li and her daughter to Sentosa Ocean Park. While his daughter was concentrating on watching the dolphins, Gao Dayong took Li Jenny’s hand and said, “You have to believe that my original intention of marrying you is to spend the rest of our lives together, and there will never be any outside intentions!” Li Jenny was stunned, and then said: “Then why do you want to deprive me of my economic rights? Don’t I want to go out to work? Is it to raise your daughter?” Gao Dayong could no longer avoid this question and had to tell the truth: “You know, I have to support my parents. , and also need to raise an underage son in China, so I hope you can understand.” Li Jenny sneered: “Then why don’t you go back to China to live with them? In your eyes, my daughter and I are outsiders!” The two were not happy. After they left, Li Zhenni took her daughter and walked away.
Full of frustration, Gao Dayong sat alone in Ocean Park for a long time. After arriving home, he found that the house was empty. On the table was a note left by Jenny Li: “Go back to your country, where your real relatives will be. From today on, we are separated.” Gao Dayong suddenly felt a Hot blood rushed to his head, and he understood that Jenny Li wanted to divorce him. He immediately called Jenny Li, but Jenny Li hung up the phone and turned off the phone.
Uncle Cheng’s warning back then turned out to be a prophecy. Gao Dayong squatted on the ground holding his head and couldn’t help crying…
The next day, Gao Dayong found Li Zhenni’s parents’ house, but unexpectedly found that Li Zhenni’s ex-husband was also there, teasing his daughter with Li Zhenni, just like a family . Seeing Gao Dayong suddenly appearing, Li Jenny turned around and entered the back room. Her ex-husband Liu Ke looked at Gao Dayong jokingly and said provocatively: “What? You, a foreigner, dare to come to our country to bully women?” Gao Dayong was so angry that he hit Liu Ke in the face with his fist. The thin man immediately howled and rolled to the ground.
Upon seeing this, the neighbors immediately called the police. As a result, Gao Dayong was taken away, imprisoned for a week on charges of malicious affray, and was warned that he would be deported if he offended again. After calming down, Gao Dayong felt that he seemed to have been trapped, and Li Jenny and her ex-husband teamed up to deceive him. Thinking of this, Gao Dayong couldn’t sit still for a moment. In anger, he found Jenny again and said, “Let’s divorce! You should continue to live with your bad gambling man.” Gao Dayong then said, “The relationship between husband and wife has broken down.
” “I filed for divorce on the grounds of Unexpectedly, because the reasons were not sufficient, his divorce application was rejected, and the judge warned: “If you file for divorce again without sufficient evidence, you will be suspected of maliciously abandoning your wife and daughter.” Gao Dayong was about to cry, but asked: ” My wife is having a fierce fight with her ex-husband. Isn’t this the most sufficient evidence?” But the answer he got was: “You have no right to interfere with your wife’s normal social life.” Gao Dayong understood that he did not cheat on Jenny
Li Tangible evidence, if she insists that the two of them just met normally, then there is nothing she can do.
Thinking that he had devoted all his passion and even spent all his savings to “buy out” Li Zhenni’s ex-husband’s alimony, but in the end it was all in vain, Gao Dayong was filled with grief and anger. After learning from the painful experience, he closed his company in Singapore and wanted to return to China to continue his career. He learned that with the support of national policies, the domestic tourism industry had exploded, so why should he stay here and accept Jenny Li’s humiliation?
Gao Dayong decided to return to China immediately. Three years later, he would apply for divorce again on the grounds of “three years of separation.” Even if alimony had to be paid, divorce was inevitable. On March 25, 2023, Gao Dayong embarked on a flight back to China. Before leaving, he called Jenny Li and said: “Take good care of your daughter. I will give you every cent of the money that should be given to you. However, I warn you for the last time, stay away from gamblers. If you do it twice If you step into the same swamp, no one can save you!”
Gao Dayong, who returned to his hometown, recalled his previous employees, regrouped, and determined to create his own world again. Living in a foreign country these past few years has been like a dream to him. When he woke up from the dream, his concern for his daughter who was far away in a foreign country and his fictitious married status became knots in his heart that he couldn’t untie. Whenever he feels regretful, he will once again think of Uncle Cheng’s original advice to him: “In Singapore, you must be extremely cautious when getting married and divorced. If you make a wrong step, you will be doomed.” In fact, it’s not just Singapore. No matter which country you are in, marriage is very important. It is a practice, and it is also a lottery ticket that cannot be torn up even if you lose.
