3 Ways to Never Appear Weak: Don’t Sell Your Misery, Don’t Complain, and Don’t Look for Security in Others

The author Gu Gu once depicted a scene of a “paradise for victims” in his literary work.

The inhabitants of this place incessantly express their grievances.

In their perception, they are the most wretched individuals in the world, and their suffering is entirely caused by others:

Others fail to comprehend me, my partner lacks support, my superior fails to acknowledge me…

Unconsciously, they place themselves in the position of the vulnerable, seeking attention and sympathy from the external world. However, the outcome is as follows:

They await others to heal their wounds, only to exacerbate their afflictions; they pin their hopes on others, only to be disillusioned.

Hence, it is imperative to never exhibit weakness.

01

Abstain from peddling your affliction.

I perused a concise narrative.

Every New Year’s Eve, the temple brims with fragrant smoke, and people flock incessantly seeking divinations.

The young monk, consumed by busyness, inquired of the master: Why do numerous benefactors visit the temple to lament?

The master smiled and replied: It is because most benefactors are individuals afflicted by suffering.

The young monk queried further: Then why does the master himself never complain?

The master shook his head, stating: For the more one complains, the more one plunges into misery.

I concur with this notion.

To complain is, in essence, to cast one’s problems onto the external world and anticipate aid from others in resolving them.

Nonetheless, even after vocalizing such grievances, the predicament persists, and others may still grow vexed due to the imposition on their time.

As one matures, one increasingly comprehends:

People can never be held accountable for the lives of others, and 90% of what transpires in one’s life holds no significance for others.

The protagonist Yao Na in Chekhov’s novel “Misery” epitomizes a woeful coachman.

Following the untimely demise of his wife, his only son also perished.

He was unable to assuage this immense sorrow, thus he vented his bitterness to anyone he encountered.

On one evening, while incessantly conversing with a soldier about his son’s demise, he nearly jeopardized himself by neglecting to watch the road.

Impatiently, the soldier reprimanded him, urging him to hasten, and closed his eyes, unwilling to listen any further.

On another occasion, Yao Na recounted his tragic experiences to three young individuals.

Alas, one displayed indifference, another reveled in his misfortune, and the third promptly departed.

Yao Na sought sympathy by recounting his misfortunes, yet the reality was that no one cared about him.

Consequently, when one is sorrowful, one ought not to proffer their misery to others.

For if one unveils their wound, not only will they find no solace, but others may even exacerbate their suffering.

Moreover, individuals are creatures that yearn for strength.

People tend to relish tales of triumph and remain indifferent to the cries of the feeble.

Abstinence from complaining does not entail suppressing oneself; rather, it signifies having the wisdom not to disturb.

Instead of debasing oneself, it is preferable to maintain silence, uplift one’s spirits, and silently cultivate inner strength.

02

Refrain from incessantly complaining.

Those who complain harbor a “victim mentality.”

They perpetually perceive others’ lives as tranquil while deeming themselves the most wretched, weary, and aggrieved.

For such individuals, even if good fortune were to descend and benevolent figures extend their hands, they would remain entrenched in the mire.

Years ago, I came across a tale in a periodical.

Following an unhappy marriage, a young woman became a single mother, raising her daughter unaided.

A business executive, sympathetic to her plight and recognizing her capabilities, recruited her into his company with the intention of grooming her for the position of sales director.

However, the woman, in her free time, would sigh incessantly and bemoan her ex-husband to her colleagues, consistently wearing a frown when encountering clients.

In due course, she gradually slipped from the high expectations placed upon her to the periphery of the company.

What isolated her was not the actions of others but her proclivity for complaining.

Writer Zhang Defen once remarked: Complaining is an utterly futile behavior that depletes one’s energy.

Throughout life, we inevitably encounter numerous adversities: an unsatisfactory existence, a period of confusion in our careers, trivial familial matters…

Merely lamenting will merely perpetuate a negative cycle of self-pity.

Yet those who possess inner strength confront hardships with composure and steer their own destinies.

Yan Youyun, a socialite during the Republic of China era, was born into affluence, grew up in turbulent times, and experienced displacement.

Finding a moment of respite proved arduous, and she also suffered the loss of her husband in middle age.

However, she did not wallow in self-pity or complain about her misfortunes. Instead, she relied on her own strength and resilience to rebuild her life.

She focused on her passion for literature and established a publishing house, becoming a renowned editor and writer. She channeled her energy into productive endeavors and used her experiences to inspire and uplift others.

Yan Youyun’s story exemplifies the power of inner strength and the ability to overcome adversity without succumbing to a victim mentality. Complaining only perpetuates a negative mindset and hinders personal growth and progress.

Instead of complaining, it is more productive to reflect on the situation, seek solutions, and take proactive steps to improve one’s circumstances. This requires a shift in mindset from being a victim to being a problem-solver and a resilient individual.

In conclusion, complaining excessively or adopting a victim mentality does not lead to positive outcomes or garner genuine support from others. It is far more empowering to cultivate inner strength, take responsibility for one’s life, and focus on finding solutions rather than dwelling on problems.