Reclaiming Our Shadows: Finding Wholeness Through Acceptance and Integration

In the interview room, the child said: “I want to cut out my shadows. These shadows control the flow of my life, making me breathless, unable to realize my potential, unable to study hard and perform well. I want to cut out my shadows. My shadow, find the original self.”

I asked the child, “What are these shadows?” The child said, “It’s “laziness”. It’s like after dinner, it’s time to read, but you can’t help but take out your phone to play, and it’s 8 o’clock in an instant. , Then 9 o’clock, 10 o’clock, 11 o’clock.

“It may also be a sense of oppression. In the ninth grade of junior high school, in order to let myself be admitted to a good high school, I used various methods to oppress myself to concentrate. Although I got my first choice as I wished, this kind of experience of forcing myself to study is Leaving an indelible mark, I always feel that I am incompetent. It seems that I can only improve myself by relying on cram schools and external high-pressure management. But before the eighth grade of middle school, I was able to manage well In life, what I want to do can be carried out according to the arranged plan. I like myself at that time better.” The boy Youyou said: “As long as these shadows are cut off, I can become a sunny boy again. So I I came to you, please find a way to cut off the shadow for me.”

I continued to ask: “What else could these shadows be?” The child said: “Maybe I still want to be a good kid in the eyes of others. There is a childhood memory of getting a very precious ice cream for myself on a hot afternoon. I was sitting in the living room enjoying it with my mother and sister. My father, who doesn’t eat ice cream on weekdays, came over and offered him a bite. I didn’t refuse, but asked my father why he wanted to eat my ice cream now, didn’t he just say no?” The child didn’t know what he said wrong, and the father was furious, smashed many furniture in the house, and said sharply, “Please find out, I bought these for you, including this ice cream.” My child, in fact, there is a lot of dissatisfaction in my heart, but I didn’t say anything, I didn’t do anything, I didn’t even shed a tear, I just watched my parents quarreling over this matter and wanting to divorce.

The child said that he had mentioned this matter to his father many times when he grew up, but his father had long forgotten and ignored it. This kind of experience forms a reenacted plot in the child’s life, with similar scripts and endings played repeatedly on different characters, and the child is always unhappy and feels that he is not doing well. To give an example, a child is the class monitor at school, and if he disagrees with his instructor or has different values ​​and beliefs, he will apologize repeatedly to get the teacher’s understanding, or hide in the toilet to calm his emotions. He never expressed his opposing thoughts or opinions, but there was a huge disapproving and opposing voice in his heart, which he never said out loud. Finally, these loud voices reminded the child of the fact that they were “unhappy” with a deafening gesture.

In the fairy tale, Peter Pan lost his shadow in the flight. When he found the shadow again, he was unable to deal with his own shadow. The way he thought of it was to stick it back with soap, maybe because he wanted to Use denial to get back the lost corner of yourself, so you won’t succeed. Wendy, another protagonist in the story, used a realistic method to restore the shadow of Peter Pan by sewing. So, for children who want to cut off the shadow completely, is there any other better way to face and stitch their own shadow?

Dear parents, do you also think of some experience of getting along with children? Have you ever dodged in the incidents that your children repeatedly told, and were unable to face the challenges faced by your children and were embarrassed? Is there a possibility that there is a little Peter Pan boy living in each of us, who once wanted to find the lost corner of himself by means of denial, but was anxious and anxious all day long?

Who bought an ice cream may be forgotten, but a shadow cannot be cut or hidden. Perhaps, we can all try to move our body in the direction of the light source and choose to let the shadow be in front of us. Either sideways or behind. We can put the shadow in the most comfortable position by moving the body, let the shadow become the shadow, not the subject, the shadow can be a friend, a partner, an ally, and the shadow can also be the past, present and future. Just try to adjust the movement according to the direction of the sunlight, maybe the shadow can be in the place where it is most suitable to exist, just like light and shadow are inseparable.

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