Overcoming Relationship Anxiety: Applying Murphy’s Law Without Sabotaging Your Happiness
Edward Murphy is a Captain Engineer at Edwards Air Force Base, USA. Once, he and his boss, Major Staple, participated in an experiment in which 16 rocket accelerometers were suspended above the subjects.
There were two ways to attach the accelerometers to the brackets, and it is unbelievable that someone methodically installed all 16 accelerometers in the wrong positions.
So Murphy concluded:
If there are two or more ways to do something, and choosing one of them will lead to disaster, someone must make that choice.
A simple understanding is:
If there is a possibility that something could go wrong, no matter how small the possibility of it going bad, it will happen.
For example, you feel that you are going to be late for work, so you want to take a taxi, but after waiting for a long time, there is no car; when you don’t want to take a taxi, cars appear in piles.
Psychologists further summarize Murphy’s thesis into a psychological effect, which is called Murphy’s law.
There are four main aspects:
1. Nothing is as simple as it seems on the surface;
2. Everything will take longer than expected;
3. Things that can go wrong will always go wrong.
4. The more you worry about something, the more likely something will happen.
If you can deeply understand the essence of Murphy’s law, that is, excessive worry about the possibility is more likely to become a reality, it is not difficult to understand all the strange things in love and marriage.
1. If the first impression is not good, don’t continue to communicate.
Love needs a little closer, although you can’t expect to fall in love at first sight, but there must be no bad worries. If you have a bad first impression, it is very likely that you have already predicted a bad result. If you worry about the bad possibility, it will only get worse and worse in the future. Don’t be misled by film and television dramas. It is extremely rare for a bad first impression to be caused by a misunderstanding. Trust your intuition.
2. If you talk about everything when you are in love, you will definitely regret it.
Talking about everything allows the other party to seize concrete evidence of a lot of bad possibilities that are most likely to materialize in shared fears.
Don’t talk about your previous love history when you are in love, these will make you attack each other when you are in a low emotional period.
Don’t over-describe the harm of your original family to yourself. You should know that sometimes family affection is more reliable than love. It is often your parents who really protect you at critical times. It is not good for you to reduce the prestige of your parents in the other party’s heart!
3. When you know that the person you have a crush on has no partner and is happy, please rest assured that you are not suitable.
Crush shows that you don’t have the courage to approach and express with TA. The reason for this is that you are not similar enough, otherwise you will receive hints from TA.
The courage to express love is not obtained by self-indulgence, but passed on to you by the other party unconsciously.
4. It is difficult to chase the object, even if you catch it, it will not last long.
The fanatical pursuit suppresses all kinds of bad possibilities. The love brain is stupid. Like the doubt brain, the eyes can only see one side of the matter and seriously ignore the other side.
Don’t pursue a person fanatically, because not getting it will trigger your wrong fantasies.
Don’t accept a person who desperately pursues you. You are not similar enough to him. There will be no person who loves you crazily if you don’t love that much. Romance is illusory, and love is also a kind of interpersonal relationship, which requires a fair value exchange.
A person who moves you may not necessarily love you very much, but may be a paranoid. Normal love should be calm, natural, and have many small flaws. Only liars can give you perfect love.
The more deliberate the way of courtship, the more romantic the imagination, the more embarrassing the result. Because really good feelings are actually a matter of course, and there are not so many fancy expressions.
5. When you suspect that your partner doesn’t love you anymore, yes, it’s true.
If a person suddenly becomes so busy that he has no time to return your messages and calls, the other person may not be cheating, but he must be tired of the current way of getting along.
The preservation period of passionate love will not exceed half a year, and friendship and family affection are more reliable. Instead of caring about love or not, it is better to cultivate common hobbies and friendship.
The weather is different every day, and people’s moods are also changing rapidly. Love is a long-lasting tolerance and patience. Doubt is stupid. It can only make bad possibilities come true.
People always overestimate their need for beauty and underestimate their need for wisdom. Beauty and ugliness will always get used to it, but stupidity will make people collapse again and again.
Those who separate and reunite will eventually be separated, and those who are hesitant will eventually be disgusted. If you don’t want to break up, don’t mention it once. The first time it is mentioned, there must be a second time, and finally it will come true.
Although Murphy’s Law is somewhat mysterious, it is not the law of paranoia.
Adler said: It doesn’t matter what happens, it matters how you look at it.
A beautiful intimate relationship like love must have loopholes, the key depends on how you look at it.
In the early stages of intimacy, keep your eyes open. Murphy’s Law reminds us that if things can go bad, bad things will happen. If you feel bad at the beginning, there is a high probability that it will be worse in the future. Unless you are fully prepared, otherwise, even if the signs are a little bad, you must be brave enough to give up.
Once intimacy is established, the eyes are half-closed. Open your eyes to see the other person’s strengths, and close your eyes to accept the other person’s flaws.
If a person only looks at the bad side of the relationship between two people, and always explains what happened to the other party in the direction of not loving him, he will believe more and more, and worry more and more, then Murphy’s law will come into play Worked.
