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From Geng Renqiu to Izuyama Akiko – A Journey of Identity

On February 19, 1992, in order to study at Yokohama National University for three years, I flew from Beijing to Narita Airport in Chiba Prefecture, Japan. Unexpectedly, after only seven years, I actually chose to become a naturalized Japanese citizen. On December 17, 1999, I became a Japanese citizen with a new name: Izuyama Akiko.

My original name was Geng Renqiu, so “Qiuzi” is nothing more than using a word from my original name, but it is a long story about “Izu Mountain”.

I have read several novels by Kawabata Yasunari and the collection of essays “Flowers Never Sleep”, and I really like the hazy love and aesthetics of material sorrow described in “The Dancing Girl of Izu”, and I like “the cool morning mist soaked in the blue larch forest” The sense of happiness of lying in bed and listening to birdsong. Before I came to Japan, I was already full of fantasy and longing for Izu. Especially in the movie version of “Dancing Girl of Izu”, Momoe Yamaguchi plays the dancer, and Yukazu Miura plays Kawashima, a student studying in a high school. Yamaguchi Momoe and Miura Yuwa! I have witnessed the overwhelming obsession of millions of people with them.

After arriving in Japan, the place I traveled to for the first time was of course Izu in Shizuoka Prefecture. My purpose is very simple, that is to go directly to the real stage without any text processing, go back and interpret Kawabata Yasunari’s text, and give myself some exciting moments.

There is such a description in “The Dancing Girl of Izu”: “They are at Shuzenji during the day, and they came to Yushima tonight, and they may cross Amagi Ridge to Yuno Hot Spring tomorrow. On the 20-kilometer mountain road of Amagi Ridge, they will definitely be able to catch up. Theirs. I came here in a hurry just like this. We met in a teahouse to take shelter from the rain. My heart was up and down…” The travel schedule is three days, and I plan to go on foot after arriving in Daren Go to Shuzenji, then to Yushima, then to Mount Amagi, then to Yuno Onsen, then to Shimoda. This route makes me feel a unique kind of pleasure, because it is exactly the same as the route of Kawashima Kai Kaoru in the novel, and I want to enjoy the existence that transcends time to the fullest.

“In the 1920s, I lived in Yushima Onsen in Izu for a long time, and often slept on the ridge of the field. Under the warm sunshine, I fell asleep in a daze. That seemed to be the happiest time of my childhood.” ( “Flowers Never Sleep: Slow Memories of the Past”) Kawabata Yasunari spent every year recuperating at the Yumotokan located in the center of the Izu Peninsula. “The Dancing Girl of Izu” was written in Yumotokan. Yumotokan is still in business now, because of the influence of Kawabata Yasunari, it has become a place where scholars gather. I really want to stay in Yumoto Hotel for one night. In order not to make mistakes, I called and made a room reservation one month in advance.

On the day of the trip, as soon as I arrived at Daren Station, I went straight to the topic and started walking to Shuzenji. However, although all I saw along the way were ancient temple bamboo forests and small bridges and flowing water, the impression that Shuzenji gave me was that, as Kawabata Yasunari said, it looked “rustic”. Surprisingly, there were not many visitors. It’s the old man and the old lady. If I have to name its benefits, I think it is the so-called tranquility.

After leaving Shuzenji, I went to the Arai Hotel for a while. Novelists such as Akutagawa Ryunosuke, Izumi Kyoka, Ozaki Koyo, and Yokoyama Taikan have all stayed at this hotel. Like this, I walked around the hotel and took a few photos, thinking it would give me some inspiration for writing. With dreams in my arms, my heart is filled with excitement and prayers.

Then I went to the soup corridor Kikuya, which is famous for Natsume Soseki. Speaking of Chrysanthemum House, although it is a hotel, it is actually a large corridor on the hot spring. There is an exhibition place, and I stared at some old objects used by Natsume Soseki and some introductions about him with bated breath, wandering in my imagination. Right in the middle is a perfectly fine Japanese garden. There is a coffee shop called Sosekian at the corner. I heard that Natsume Soseki often reads books and newspapers here. When I walked into the coffee shop, I didn’t see the waiter, only to realize that it was self-service. I made a cup of coffee and sat down near the window. Outside the window there is a pond shaded by greenery. There are many golden fish swimming in the pond. I didn’t know what it meant to me to be in the seat that maybe Natsume Soseki also sat in, and when I later talked about this moment with my friends, I said “I’ve been delusional”. In the seat not far from me, sat a man in his thirties who had closed his eyes and remained motionless for a long time, which gave me a strange feeling. He should not be meditating, maybe he is “sharing” Natsume Soseki’s feelings back then, let’s chat with Natsume Soseki. Young people sometimes have a desire to find a certain “feeling”. I thought maybe he was a writer, or at least had a dream of being a writer like me.

Natsume Soseki certainly didn’t know that he was still affecting the lives of some people after his death, including affecting the memory and behavior of those who were affected by him.

To be honest, there is nothing special about Yumotokan compared with ordinary hot spring hotels. Because “The Dancing Girl of Izu” was written by Kawabata Yasunari here, and because the novel was made into a TV series five times and a movie six times, I have the impression that the hotel maintains its popularity and attracts guests. There are many photos of Kawabata Yasumoto himself and some movie actors on the walls of the hotel. In the group photo, I saw Sayuri Yoshinaga and Hideki Takahashi, but I didn’t see Momoe Yamaguchi and Yuka Miura. It was strange for a long time, and suddenly realized that when Momoe Yamaguchi played the dancer, Yasunari Kawabata had passed away for two years. In addition to these photos, there are many paintings related to “The Dancing Girl of Izu”, and the walls are almost covered with photos and paintings. To be honest, this crowded appearance made me feel a little sad. By the way, Yumotokan has a photo of Yasunari Kawabata sitting on the stairs. I also sat down in the same position, looking at the naked world in front of my eyes, and suddenly felt that the uncontrollable desire in my heart was emptied. Sitting on the steps, I feel like a cat, or more like a gecko.

It is said that Kawabata Yasunari lived in Yumotokan for ten years. I heard that when “The Dancing Girl of Izu” was published, the residential address he filled in for the publisher was the address of Yumotokan.

The room Kawabata Yasunari stayed in was located directly above the main entrance of the hotel. To my surprise, the room was very small, less than six tatami mats, maybe only four and a half tatami mats. The bookcase is full of works written by him, the glass display cabinet contains his own manuscripts, and on the wall is a handwritten letter for the hotel. The words are a paragraph at the beginning of “The Dancing Girl of Izu”, translated into Chinese It is: “The mountain road becomes winding and winding, and we are approaching Tiancheng Ridge. At this time, the showers shrouded the dense mountain forest in white and bright, and swept towards me from the foot of the mountain.” There are four different editions of ” Dancing Girl of Izu”, one in Japanese, two in English, and one in Simplified Chinese. I clearly remember that the translators for the Simplified Chinese version were Ye Weiqu and Tang Yuemei.

Before dinner, we went for a walk near the Kano River next to the Yumotokan. It may be related to the rain the night before. The stream is relatively fast, and the sound of the water sounds loud, and you can hear the frogs intermittently. Thinking of Kawabata Yasunari’s saying that every time he heard this kind of frog cry, his heart would be filled with the scenery of the moonlit night, and he couldn’t help taking several deep breaths. When I returned to the hotel, I made an important discovery, that is, the wooden door of the hotel gave me a very low-key feeling, and I suddenly couldn’t help it. It seemed that the color of the sky penetrated into my heart and nerves like a gossamer. It remained in my mind dimly when I read Japanese literature in my student days. Things suddenly became clear in front of this plain, stagnant door.

There are many kanbans and stone pillars on both sides of the wooden door, and one of the stone pillars is engraved with the inscription of the famous calligrapher Enakura Xiangcun: Mushuiの山桜の宿. The Mushui here refers to the tanka poet Ruoshan Mushui. Because he often goes to Yumotokan, there is also a room named “Yamazakura” in the building. Kawabata Yasunari wrote in “Flowers Never Sleeping Ruoshan Mushui Clan and Yushima Hot Spring”: “In recent years, although many writers have come to play, it is still Mushui Clan who really sang Yushima. Not only because he lived in In nearby Numazu, Musui especially loves the scenery and people of Yushima. The waka collection “Song of the Mountain Cherry” is widely known, and Musui can be called the singer of Yushima.” Or half a year, always bring his wife Kishiko and disciples to Yumotokan once.”

The previous memory of Izu was Yasunari Kawabata’s words, fragmented, but full of feeling. When I was sightseeing, I put the scene in front of me on top of the text I had read, and noticed that I seemed to understand the confusion I had held for a long time: many writers in Japan went to the hot springs in Izu to recuperate their bodies. Are they sick or weak, or can the hot spring recuperation actually give them a living breath-like touch?

Although I haven’t been to Tiancheng Ridge yet, the temples and hotels I saw along the way are all in the mountains and forests. In other words, they are all located in nature. Because nature goes back and forth forever, it inspires people endlessly. This factor is very important, perhaps it is this that contributes to the ability of Japanese writers to write realistically. Regardless of whether Kawabata Yasunari or Natsume Soseki, they are very natural but very particular about the details and emotional processing. When reading their words, what you hear is a natural and pure voice. Mountains, streams, rocks, trees, what they show are actually the posture of literature. Izu made me see the connection between the world and literature.

After dinner, I opened the window to look at the moon, and I suddenly remembered what Yasunari Kawabata wrote in “Huaweisian Hot Spring Communication”: “In Yushima, I can’t see a huge moon, nor can I see a decent sunrise and a decent moon. My son’s sunset. Because everything is a mountain.” “Even if the clouds on the mountains of Yushima are removed, Tiancheng Peak will not be removed.” This is a “realistic” text, and the feeling of the scenery being opened to life by the text is very clear. The scenery is still the scenery, but in a different form to show life. Kawabata Yasunari’s grasp of the scenery is really accurate. Unbelievably, I felt a faint excitement, as if I had found a certain way to write.

The next day, I set off from Yushima to Tiancheng Ridge. On the north side of the old city tunnel, I saw the tea shop where the student Kawashima met the dancer Kaoru in the movie, but it has been converted into a resting place. There is also a stone tablet commemorating Kawabata Yasunari on the promenade in the forest about a kilometer north of the tunnel. However, unlike watching a movie, the reality was that I felt that I could not continue climbing the mountain with the remaining physical strength, and it was impossible to climb Mount Amagi on foot, so I took a car to Yuno and Shimoda in the south. Kawabata Yasunari said in “Flower Never Sleeping: Izu Girl”: “Take a step south from Amagi Ridge in the middle of the Izu Peninsula, and you will immediately feel the endless scenery, and it will become with the flavor of the southern country.” Perhaps It was because of the car ride. The southern flavor I felt was just the coast and white sandy beaches of Cape Suzaki and Izu Shirahama. The rest was hardly impressive, but the gentle color of the sky left a deep impression on me.

The short three-day tour can be said to be a pleasant experience for me. Izu is an unforgettable place. There are four and a half tatami rooms, the coffee in the Soseki Temple on the corridor, the hot spring water with a unique smell, the frogs in the stream, and the moonlit night outside the window. A strong temptation for me in the future. The impression of Izu is that it is connected with mountains.

Since this trip, I have suffered from obsessive-compulsive disorder, wanting to live in Izu again and again, but I am studying at Yokohama National University, and I don’t know whether I will stay in Japan after graduation. I can’t mess up the rhythm of life willfully.

Having said so much about Izu, I think I probably explained why I took the surname Izuyama.

So this incident is still fresh in my memory. When I went to the Japanese Ministry of Justice to submit my naturalization application, I was greeted by a calm young man in the reception room. Unfortunately I can’t remember his name, but I still remember him as short and thin with black-rimmed glasses. He first simply confirmed my name, date of birth, and current address, and then suddenly asked me why I wanted to be naturalized. I thought about it for a few seconds, swallowed the matter that really became the reason, and said that not only the base of my work is in Japan, but the base of my career is also in Japan. To prove it, I showed him three books from my backpack. The three books are my two novels (“Farewell” and “Three Places”) and an anthology (“Rainy Season”) published in Japan. He picked up the “Farewell” published by Kinokuniya Bookstore that I deliberately put on top, opened the title page, and carefully browsed the author’s resume. Then without looking up, he said to himself, “Yokohama National University.” I replied, “Yes.” Then he looked up at me and said, “You were divorced before you came to Japan. , Have you ever been in love in Japan?” I replied, “Yes.” He asked me, “Why did you break up?” I replied, “Although we are divorced, we are still good friends with my ex-husband, because the reason for the divorce is that At that time, I was too young and didn’t know how to cherish, but the person I fell in love with in Japan couldn’t be friends after breaking up.” He didn’t speak. I went on to say: “He saw that I published a book and thought I had a lot of money. He kept asking me for money, but I didn’t have that much money to give him.” He asked me, “Are you Japanese?” I sincerely asked He replied, “It’s Korean.”

I don’t know if my sincerity reassured him, so he changed the question and asked me why I was named Izuyama Akiko.

Just like writing a non-fiction article, I replied very honestly: “Well, I also write novels myself, and my daily hobby is reading novels. I like Kawabata Yasunari because I especially like his Izu dancers and dancers. Yamaguchi Momoe, so I went to Izu for tourism. I live in the Yumotokan where Kawabata Yasunari stayed. The Yumotokan is in the mountains. Izu gave me the impression that it is connected with the mountains. However, at first I wanted to take the surname Izu, but when I checked the surnames of Japanese people, I found the surname Izuyama, so I decided to take Izuyama.”

“It seems that traveling in Izu was a pleasant experience for you.” He said with a smile. I said “yes” several times in a row. Then he told me that he would visit my house one day. He didn’t say the specific date, only that he would contact me when he went.

To be honest, I’m somewhat overjoyed at this stage. We all know that in Japan, applying for permanent residence is more difficult than naturalization. Even the relatively easy naturalization is famous in the world for its cumbersome procedures and strict examination. I just applied with the mood of giving it a try. He said he would visit my home and I would know that my application was accepted. The reason why it went so smoothly may be related to the influence of the three books mentioned above on me.

Regarding the three books, in order to sell them well, the publishing house not only spent money on advertising in newspapers, but also recruited many reporters to interview me and report on me. That is to say, every time a book is published, Japan’s “Yomiuri Shimbun”, “Asahi Shimbun”, “Mainichi Shimbun”, and Kyodo News Agency will report on me and my book like a carpet bomb. The “People” column of the Daily News, it is said that I am the first foreigner to be on this column. To my surprise, the person in charge of advertising Yamazaki whiskey in the newspaper also asked me to advertise. According to him, all newspapers in Japan will carry this advertisement. The advertising language uses two languages, Japanese and Chinese, but the content is up to me.

The advertised slogan is: “Whenever I drink ‘Yamazaki’, the aroma of ‘Yamazaki’ always sways the shadow of my hometown when I was a girl.”た古郷の见がなぜかSuri. “The slogan is quite literary. Of course, this is just my personal feeling. The text is clichéd, and it clearly conveys my unchanging nostalgia. I can see the self-consciousness and deliberation, as well as the so-called universality. Later, I took this advertisement. The photos are stored in the mobile phone and shown to some friends. Every time I look at them, I can’t help but laugh, but behind the laughter, I can undoubtedly see my personal situation. What is “homesickness”? It is a piece floating somewhere in the universe. Kind of mysterious.

Let’s talk about the incident that was swallowed into my stomach. Although I feel unbearable every time I think about it, I still want to say it. In the publishing house I work for, the boss pays the employees for a group trip every year. The trip I caught up with after I joined the company was to Italy. I was the only foreigner in the publishing house, and everyone else booked the plane tickets directly, but I had to go to the Italian embassy in Japan to apply for a visa. The reason, of course, is in the passport I hold. The obvious problem is that I don’t know if the visa will be approved. Even if the visa can be approved, it is estimated that it will not be able to catch up with the group tour hosted by the publishing house by then. In this state, the helpless reality seems to be a kind of harm to me. I can’t express it in words. When I said that I can’t participate in the tour, something in my chest seems to be about to collapse. There is a very special thing in loneliness, as if the world is very far away, so far away that I can’t reach it no matter how hard I try degree. And those strange worlds, for me when I was young, were just ready to be explored and recognized. I have never been to any country on earth except China and Japan. Everywhere I want to go and have a look.

Haruki Murakami said in the book “Incomparably Messy Psychology”: “If there is a solid high wall here, and there is an egg that breaks when you hit it, I will always stand on the side of the egg.”

Yes, I have a desire to see the world other than China and Japan, but the passport I hold has become a “high wall”. Times have changed, although holding a Chinese passport can travel around the world at will, and spend a lot of money and shop a lot, making Chinese people very popular in any country, but in the 1980s and 1990s, holding a Chinese passport If you want to go to any country, you need a visa. Even if you apply for a visa, it is difficult to get it approved. This difference and change may be the so-called “era”.

I don’t know if choosing naturalization means I am on the side of the “egg”. Now, when I look back and rethink this question, I realize that it was the “shame” I tasted at that time that made me compare myself with my colleagues in the publishing house and feel that the world is very unfair. Choosing to become a naturalized Japanese citizen may be a means for me to fight against an unfair world.

But what hurts me the most is that when I return to China after being naturalized as a Japanese citizen, I have to apply for a visa at the Chinese embassy in Japan. It is really sad to feel the loss of the sense of belonging that has been cultivated since childhood, because both ends are not happy.

When I just obtained Japanese citizenship, a woman from Beijing often complained to me, saying that she couldn’t understand people who gave up their original nationality in order to travel around the world. She asked me if I felt “guilty inside”. I explained to her that being naturalized as Japanese does not mean that I have to be reborn, but that it is actually a kind of struggle against the world I am in, and the texture of my deep feelings has not changed at all. I further explained to her, saying that “times are different for everyone.” For me, when I was young, the external value standard could not resist the temptation and belief in life. I was eager to live with fun and desire Like my colleagues in the publishing house, I can travel to many places in the world with just one air ticket. I assured her that although I did not resist the temptation of the vast world, although I changed my name to “Izuyama Akiko”, my origin is still China, and it is very convenient to use the word “Autumn” in my new name. good proof.

There are not a few people who are naturalized Japanese, and the reason is that everyone should have their own version. In the face of their own life, everyone has the right to choose.

Beijing women have been in Japan for more than ten years, and the hardest thing they do every day is to learn Japanese. She told me that the reason why she wanted to learn Japanese well was to not lose when she quarreled with the Japanese. She always seems to be thinking about things between herself and the Japanese around her, and I always want to go to a strange place for no reason. One day, she said to me in a nutshell: “I am a very down-to-earth person, and you are too romantic.” I think she is right, but people like me who want to see the world , there should be hundreds, thousands, or even tens of thousands of people. I don’t want to be an “outsider” in the world all the time. I heard that Chinese restaurants in New York have large plates and large servings, so I have long wanted to have a meal.

The Beijing woman and I did not become close friends in the end. The last time we met, she told me that she went back to Beijing three times within a month, and finally put her household registration in the talent exchange center in the suburbs of Beijing. She said that she originally wanted to register at the address where her mother lived, but her mother lived in Dongsi, and the inspection in the city was very strict, so the household registration was first transferred to the suburbs where the inspection was relatively loose, and then she would find a way to move to Dongsi later. The purpose of her doing this, in addition to inheriting her mother’s inheritance in the future, seems to be to get a pension in China after the age of 60. I have never even thought about what she did, and I can’t understand it at all. It was a coincidence that when she went back to China to handle these things, I was buying a plane ticket for a trip to Singapore. I feel that I am not the same kind of person as she is, and the explanation I can imagine for the difference between me and her is the metaphor of “two parallel lines”.

A Beijing woman happily showed me a bank card she had when she went to Beijing, which was a UnionPay card of the Industrial and Commercial Bank of China. She repeatedly emphasized to me that “the card is a gold card”. Seeing how envious I was, she advised me to go back to China as soon as possible and apply for the same card with my passport. Seeing my hesitation, she said she could book a cheap plane ticket for me. I am noncommittal.

Writing this reminds me of one thing. Like Beijing women, some unknowingly meddle in other people’s affairs. I deleted a WeChat contact not long ago, of course there are reasons why I don’t want to say it here. One day, another friend of mine was drinking with the person I deleted, and mentioned me in the chat, knowing that I deleted the person, so he called me on the spot. Fortunately, I was already asleep when he called, otherwise it would be an embarrassing situation for him to ask me to talk directly to the deleted person. The next morning, he called to explain why he called me, and asked if I should push my WeChat business card to the person who deleted it, or push the business card of the deleted person to me. I did not answer him. There are so many people in the world who like to meddle in other people’s business. I know he means well, but it just doesn’t feel right. I am a person who is not good at approaching others. There are probably more people who don’t like me than people who like me. Before hanging up the phone, he advised me not to be entangled, not to lose my temper as a writer. I don’t know how to delete someone I don’t want to associate with becomes a tangle. I’ve called him a friend here, but this friend’s behavior makes me feel lonely and tired. Some things are really hard to tell.

To be honest, I regret that I did not follow the advice of Beijing women to apply for a UnionPay card of ICBC. Unexpectedly, a few years ago, there are new regulations in China regarding the handling of bank cards for overseas personnel. People who live abroad for a long time, if they don’t live in China for a period of time, they can no longer apply for bank cards with their passports alone. To this day, whenever I entrust others to help collect the manuscript fee, I will definitely think of the golden UnionPay card she showed me. Sometimes I think, in the final analysis, what did I lose because of my naturalization?

Lost opportunity is a lonely thing. It’s really unbelievable. As I write this, I actually miss Beijing women a little bit. I feel that she has calculated everything accurately, and I think she is really amazing.

In my memory, Beijing women are more or less “spirited”.

The staff of the Ministry of Justice of Japan came to visit my home very suddenly. When I was sleeping in on the weekend, I received a call in bed, informing me that I would arrive around 11:00 am. The family visit came so suddenly that it was almost caught off guard. Fortunately, there is no need for me to prepare. I got up quickly, washed up and tidied up the room briefly. In fact, I was renting a single room at the time. Apart from a bedroom with six tatami mats, there was only a kitchen and bathroom that were small enough to fit a dining table. The house is near Beilinglai Station, and the transportation in Beilinglai is not convenient, so the rent is relatively cheap.

Most Japanese people will definitely arrive at the designated place on time after making an appointment. Even if you arrive a few minutes early, you will wait in an inconspicuous place. At exactly eleven o’clock the doorbell rang. I opened the door, and the clerk who had received me at the Ministry of Justice said “excuse me” and walked through the door. I originally planned to ask him to sit down and have a cup of tea, but he waved his hand and refused. He went straight to the bathroom and opened the opaque glass door to take a look. Then he told me: “The interview is over.” He walked outside, put on his shoes and opened the door of the shoe cabinet to take a look. From the time he entered to the time he went out, it took less than two minutes. I was very, very surprised. For the first time, I had a feeling of horror, similar to being seen naked and tooth decayed. There is no doubt that just looking at the bathroom and the shoe cabinet is actually testing whether my daily life is in order from the “details”, because a person’s life is melted in the details. This kind of family visit scene can be said to be too “Japanese”. Fortunately, at that time, I had just broken up with a Korean who had been in love for a while, and I moved to this single room alone. There was only a toothbrush in the washroom connected to the bathroom, and there was only one toothbrush in the toothbrush. There were only three pairs of women’s shoes in the shoe closet. Through this incident, as long as someone asks me about naturalization in Japan in the future, I will never forget to tell the other party to pay attention to the “details”, especially the bathroom and shoe cabinet. For single women, I will remind you not to put men’s shoes in the shoe cabinet, and in turn remind single men not to put women’s shoes in the shoe cabinet. This kind of thing sounds dramatic, but it is definitely my experience.

After the home visit, about two months later, I received a notice from the Ministry of Justice of Japan, asking me to go to get the certificate of identity as a naturalized person on December 17, 1999.

In a certain room of the Ministry of Justice of Japan, there were more than 20 people sitting, with both Eastern and Western faces, and they all looked ready to fight.

The moment I got the certificate of status as a naturalized person was a very important dividing point in my life. My name is no longer “Geng Renqiu”. A new identity and a new name were born. A thought popped into my head: I’m going to live in Japan until I die.

It’s not over yet. I first went to the Tokyo Immigration Bureau to return the alien residence card, then went to the district office where I lived to compile a new household registration, and finally went to the Chinese embassy in Japan to go through the passport invalidation procedures. To be honest, I can’t remember the details of how such a lot of procedures were handled. Many years later, I worked in the district office, and I happened to do work related to foreigners for a year. One day, when I was handling household registration for others after naturalization, I suddenly remembered that I had also applied for withdrawal of Chinese nationality at the Chinese embassy in Japan, and had also received a certificate of loss of nationality.

It’s not over yet. Many years later, I had WeChat. I found that a good friend did not let me see his circle of friends. When I asked why, he said that he had requirements for his circle of friends because he hated Japan and the Japanese. In my astonishment, I thought that since he didn’t let me see Moments, then he hated me as a “fake devil”. He didn’t block me or delete me, he just blocked his Moments from me, so I can still see his likes on other people’s Moments. Originally, I didn’t care who liked whom, but for some reason, every time I saw him give others likes, my heart would be pained by embarrassment, and sometimes I even felt breathless and felt the pain in interpersonal relationships . One day, after thinking for a long time, I finally made up my mind to delete him from WeChat. Think twice, I didn’t block him, nor did I block my circle of friends from him, but deleted him from my WeChat. I didn’t move much, but as a result, looking at Moments again, a certain sense of emotional anxiety was replaced by a strange sense of relief. He hates Japan, hates the Japanese, and is out of my business.

Before I learned how to drive, I often dreamed that I was driving a flying car. After I got the booklet, I never dreamed of driving again. After returning to Japan from Singapore, I went to Taipei soon. After returning to Japan from Taipei, I went to New York soon. After returning to Japan from New York, my interest in travel came to an abrupt end. I realized that the abandoned past seemed to leave a big void in my mind that needed something concrete and tangible to fill. My first thought was to buy a villa-style house. Although my current rent is considered cheap, I still have to pay more than 60,000 yuan to the landlord every month, which means throwing away the money for nothing. And if I buy a house, then my monthly loan payment is equivalent to paying myself the rent.

Once I made up my mind, I started looking for a house. One day, I saw a new house near Umejima Station, not far from Kitaiyarai, in a magazine that specializes in selling house information. The transportation in Umejima is much more convenient than that in Kitayanyori. Even to go to famous and prosperous places like Ginza, Ueno and Asakusa, it only takes about 20 minutes by tram. At this time, I had a new boyfriend, and I asked him to go to Plum Island with me to look at the house. The foundation of the house is very good, and it is only a three-minute walk from Meidao Station. The house is a beige European-style three-story building, facing south, and the sunlight shines brightly through the spacious windows. The seller said to us: “Buy directly from our construction factory, without your intermediary fees, you can save millions of yen.” I said: “I want to save another million. If it is another million cheaper, I will Buy.” The seller agreed, and made an appointment with us to come to my house to sign the contract at night. Obviously, I only looked at such a house, and without any comparison at all, I made what can be said to be a great decision in life.

My boyfriend wants to buy this house with me, but he only has a deposit of one million. According to his idea, the two of them each took out one million yuan as a down payment, and the rest was borrowed from the bank. But I decided to buy the house separately in my own name. There are two reasons. One is that he and I are not officially married yet, so there is no guarantee that we will not break up in the future. Another one is that I have a large deposit in my hand, and the initiative is in my hands. In the evening, the manufacturer came to my house with the contract, and both parties signed and stamped it. I found that I did not actually save the one million, because the agreed 40 million miles did not include consumption tax and judicial scrivener fees. To the surprise of the manufacturer and the boyfriend, a young girl like me can come up with 17 million head gold all at once. Under normal circumstances, my boyfriend always praises me for working hard, being willing to endure hardships, and being talented, but this time he said in surprise: “You Chinese women are so great.” So in his mind, I have always been a Chinese woman. I don’t know if the “great” he said means “self-reliance”. But the manufacturer told me that if the bank did not agree to lend me the loan, the signed contract would have to be voided. Things have two ends, and things are no exception. There will be two results. I agree with the manufacturer’s opinion. The next day, the manufacturer told me that the bank wanted to see my passbook. I think the bank wanted to see if I could really come up with the 17 million head money. I am very happy, because not only do I have more than 20 million yuan in my passbook, but also the salary that the publishing house calls me every month is also recorded. I have no doubts about being able to get a loan.

In July 2000, I moved into a villa-style building under the name “Akiko Izuyama”. In this living base, I have my own study for the first time. My boyfriend gave me a gift, a dachshund less than three months old. I named the dog “Doudou”. When I took it to the animal hospital for vaccinations, I had to fill in the last name of the owner of “Doudou” because I had to make a registration card that I would use in the future. She asked me what my last name was, and I told her it was “Izu-san”, so she wrote “Izu-san Doudou” in the place where the dog’s last name was filled in. My boyfriend looked at the name and laughed, and I asked him if he was laughing because there were three “beans” in the name, and he replied, “Congratulations on becoming a mother.” Becoming a “mother” is a very unexpected thing for me. I couldn’t help holding Doudou in my arms and kissing its furry face. At the same time, my affection for my boyfriend doubled. He has such a heart, which shows that he is a gentle, caring and responsible person. This simple conversation became an important reason for me to give him my whole body and mind in the future.

After moving to the new house, I bought a lot of expensive and big things, such as a car, such as a double bed, such as a TV and a refrigerator, and so on. When I signed the purchase order and the guarantee, I wrote “Akiko Izuyama”. A few times, I felt inexplicably that the word “Shan” should not be added when taking a surname, because the word “Shan” makes the name look a bit rustic. Also, I don’t know if it has something to do with the word “mountain”. No clerk has ever mentioned Kawabata Yasunari or “The Dancing Girl of Izu” to me. One more text and one less, the feeling is really very different.

Summer has passed, autumn and winter have passed, and I have lived in the new house for a year. One day, my boyfriend suddenly said to me: “You don’t want to work anymore, let me support you.” I asked him, “Are you proposing marriage?” He nodded in agreement. It was the least romantic proposal I’ve ever had in my life. Without even thinking about it, I readily accepted his request.

July 31, 2001 became another dividing point in my life: because of our marriage, Doudou and I’s surnames changed from “Izuyama” to “Tanaka”. Not only that, the name of the house, the name of the car, the name of the bank’s passbook and card, and the name on the identity certificate have all been changed to “Akiko Tanaka”.

As the days go by, sometimes I can’t help but think about those days when I was naturalized, and feel sad and entangled that I can no longer use the name “Gengrenqiu” and the surname “Izuyama” . I put in so much effort, and the name “Izuyama” has only been used for a little over a year. From “Izuyama Akiko” to “Tanaka Akiko”, “Izuyama” disappeared from the world in a blink of an eye. Occasionally, I would suddenly think of those two disappearing names, thinking that it would be nice if I were allowed to have a long name, such as “Tanaka Izuyama Gengrenqiu” or, on the contrary, “Gengrenqiu Izuyama Tanaka Akiko” “It’s possible, but it’s impossible. In the final analysis, people can only go forward. Occasionally, I would suddenly hear a few frogs croaking deep in my heart, which reminded me of the rippling stream of the Kano River in Izu.

My husband moved to live with me in a new house, which made the space that I thought was too empty just right. Because I don’t have to face the future alone, I don’t seem to care so much about whether there will be great waves in the future. To be honest, I like to have a trustworthy man with a stable financial situation who is willing to support me. I don’t want to spend my whole life crowded with trams during the rush hour when I get off work in the morning and evening. For the wedding trip, the place my husband chose was Izu, and the hotel I stayed at was Yushulang Kikuya. I had an amazing discovery. When I was drinking coffee with my husband at Soseok-an, I no longer had those delusions in my mind. The delusions were diluted by something and disappeared. What I feel is a simple waste of time. My husband and I stayed in the soup corridor chrysanthemum house for three days, and almost didn’t go to any scenic spots. It seems that this trip is just to roll around on the tatami after soaking in the hot springs. At dusk, I invite my husband to take a walk around the Kano River and drink some Japanese sake with ice cubes when I return to my room.

When I was taking a walk, I explained to my husband for the first time why I took the surname “Izuyama”, and he happily said that the name was a wonderful “masterpiece”.

The night before returning to Tokyo, it was raining in Izu and there was no moon in the sky. After soaking in the hot spring for a long time, when I was about to go to bed, I asked my husband to watch the night outside the window with me, and said to him, “These three days are the best time we have ever spent since we met. I am really happy ’” He said he was happy too. I asked him: “You will never leave that home in Meidao, right?” Hearing that he replied yes, I said to myself very solemnly in my heart: Farewell, Geng Renqiu. Farewell, Izu-san.

The new years are already unfolding before my eyes. No more drifting with the flow like a leaf. The restless heart finally calmed down.

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