Internal friction is a struggle between a person and himself. You don’t have to wait for others to do it before you exhaust yourself.
In life, many people don’t know that they are in a state of internal friction, but everyone has experienced the exhaustion of internal friction.
The following is the summary of You Shujun, the most common mental internal friction in life, come and see how many you have caught.
Then, target internal friction and prescribe the right medicine. I believe you will get rid of the “non-existent shackles” and feel unprecedented ease.
1. Stubbornly thinking that bad things will happen in life, once anxious.
British Prime Minister Winston Churchill said:
“When I look back on all my troubles, I think of the story of an old man who said on his deathbed, ‘There was so much trouble in my life, but most of the things I worried about never happened. ‘ ”
Throughout life, we often worry about the unknown and always feel that something bad is going to happen.
There is such a deep story.
Belikov, the protagonist of “The Man in a Case”, always thinks that life will be chaotic, so when he goes out, even in sunny weather, he will bring rain gear, shoe covers and a warm coat.
He often lives in the worry of his imagination, and finally dies in worry.
An appropriate amount of anxiety can be used as a driving force to move forward, but frequent anxiety can only plunge oneself into the abyss of pain.
2. Repeatedly pondering other people’s views on themselves, afraid of creating estrangement.
“Did I say something wrong just now?”
“Why does Ta have that expression?”
“Is he mad at me?”
“Is he annoying me?”
In the process of interacting with others, a person who often has such thoughts will definitely feel aggrieved late at night.
Because of him, he always suppresses his true feelings to fulfill others.
Consume your own feelings, guess what the other person thinks, and use other people’s performance to recognize your own value.
This is a great internal friction, and it is also a disappointment to one’s own life.
3. After making a decision, I still wonder whether it is the best choice.
Zhang Yiming, the founder of ByteDance, once gave a speech saying:
“All negativity is the accumulation of mental time and denial of the present moment.
Restlessness, anxiety, worry, all fears are caused by excessive focus on the future. ”
I have already signed a job and turned down other companies, and I am still vaguely worried, did I choose the right one?
I bought a house decoration in the mall, and on the way home, I felt that the purchase was too expensive, and I lost the joy of just buying it.
Always worry too much whether today’s choice will cause too much loss in the future.
In excessive anxiety and frustration, a lot of energy is consumed.
4. I dare not say “no” to others, and feel panic when I think about it.
Writer Bi Shumin once said:
“Refusal is a right like survival is a right.”
Exercising your right to object should be easy.
But some people find it difficult.
In the face of other people’s requests, even if they feel embarrassed, they reluctantly agree.
Because when I think that if I say no, it may arouse the boredom of the other party, I will feel timid.
The stronger this kind of thought is, the greater the harm it will bring to yourself because of not daring to refuse, and the more serious the wear and tear on life.
5. Stubbornly wanting to achieve a certain goal, being overly paranoid.
The TV series “Little Willingness” let us know Tian Yulan, a paranoid mother.
In order to supervise his son’s study without dead ends, a fully transparent study room was installed for the child;
Once the son doesn’t study hard, he loses his temper and doesn’t allow his husband to comment.
Tian Yulan overly forced her son to be admitted to a key high school, and was too obsessed with this goal. Not only did she fall into pain, but she also caused her child to suffer from depression, and the whole person was depressed.
Regarding the result, excessive paranoia is a poison that damages the body and mind. It not only fails to achieve the goal as soon as possible, but also makes the paranoid people unable to find real happiness.
6. Take responsibility that is not your own, forcibly take it on yourself, and blame yourself too much.
I saw an interesting cartoon:
Xiao An went to do psychological counseling, and in the process of communicating with the counselor, the counselor found that she had a “target-type” personality.
It is often attributed to oneself for mistakes that do not belong to oneself.
When her husband was taking care of her son, the child accidentally fell down, and she blamed herself for not watching it herself;
The colleague was scolded by the leader, and she blamed herself for not reaching out to help at the beginning?
I believe that everyone has had similar feelings. Excessive self-blame is a bondage to the self. This kind of self-inflicted pain will cover up one’s efforts. I always feel that there are reasons for everything wrong.
People with “target personality” often memorize responsibilities that are not related to themselves in their hearts, and let self-blame swallow them.
7. Severe self-doubt, feeling that I will not be able to do well what others have told me.
There is a sentence in “History”:
“A self-confident person does not doubt others, and others believe in him. A self-doubting person does not believe in others, and others also doubt him.”
He is obviously capable of things that others have told him, but he is always afraid of screwing up and is extremely timid.
Even if the task is done, in the process of doing it, I will repeatedly ask myself: Can I really do it?
This kind of lack of self-confidence not only fails to give full play to one’s 100% ability, but also greatly discounts the results.
This is a waste of one’s own strength, and also one’s ignorance of one’s own self.
8. I ruminate too much on the mistakes that have already occurred, and I cannot forgive myself.
Kazuo Inamori once said:
“It’s pointless to always regret and worry about the failures that have already happened.”
We can reflect on the mistakes that occurred because of ourselves, so that we will not repeat the same mistakes later;
But repeated consideration of mistakes is a kind of excessive injury, and it is not conducive to calmly thinking about the future.
The mistakes we have been ruminating on, others have long since ignored.
After all, it was I who did not let myself go.
In the end, in a foregone error, injured and exhausted.
9. Deliberately suppress your negative emotions and never release them in front of others.
I read a sentence on the Internet:
“Never feel sorry for how you really feel.”
Many people are good at expressing their positive emotions, but always suppress negative emotions.
Worried about having a bad influence on others, and worried about causing trouble to others after venting.
With all kinds of concerns, we are used to “reporting good news but not bad news” to everyone.
When looking for someone, take out negative emotions and release them slowly.
But even if the suppressed emotions are healed in the end, it is actually a very big harm.
10. Dissatisfied with the status quo, unable to accept it in the heart, but dare not change.
We often encounter the choice of “tasteless to eat, but a pity to discard”.
I read the real story of the reader @莫得on the Internet .
She is a 32-year-old woman who works as a field salesman in the company.
To outsiders, this is an iron job, but only she knows that she doesn’t feel the slightest interest in the job, and she is overwhelmed by the quota every week.
Because I am afraid of the unknown, I dare not change.
In this way, @莫得is exhausted in the tasteless work, while feeling bored.
An environment that is dissatisfied but does not take the initiative to leave, will be like air, rolling our unhappiness all the time, and it is a kind of consumption that penetrates into the bone marrow.
11. Before the task is completed, all kinds of bad results are always expected.
There is a kind of pessimistic person who repeatedly calculates in his brain before doing something, what bad results will be produced when this thing ends.
Bring bad emotions to yourself first, feel unwarranted pain, and consume the present for the future.
At dusk and dusk, time and brainpower are occupied and decomposed in large quantities.
After the “brain storm” ended, the assigned tasks did not make any progress.
This state of doing things will make a person dare not let go to do things, put fear on himself in advance, extinguish the motivation to move forward, and get doubled fatigue.
12. After listing the plan, I have been procrastinating, and I still can’t feel at ease.
We’re good at laying out plans, but we’re also good at procrastinating.
It is easy to write a plan on paper, but there will be a lot of resistance to implementing the plan.
Until the goal is not achieved, this matter has been stored in the mind, which is a kind of energy consumption.
Because we will always think about this unfinished thing, and make arrangements for it again and again in our hearts.
We could use the extra energy to do other things, but because of procrastination, the things that are stranded become a burden.
In these 12 internal frictions, many people have found their shadows.
The book “Mr. Toad Goes to a Psychiatrist” says:
“There is no criticism stronger than self-criticism, and no judge more severe than ourselves.”
Physical fatigue can be compensated by rest; but mental fatigue requires more effort to recover.
And the following 5 points can help us weaken internal friction and gain physical and mental freedom.
1. Act immediately on what you want to do without hesitation.
A book friend once admitted the pain caused by internal friction. He didn’t do anything, but he felt extremely tired.
She later alleviated this problem by studying her, by putting thoughts into action.
Once she wanted to go to Wugong Mountain on a whim, but she was still hesitating before starting, but in the end she decided to go.
After bumping on the road for a long time, it took an afternoon, and finally arrived at the foot of Wugong Mountain before dark.
Although the journey was tiring, the joy that traveling brought her was very real.
Do it as soon as you think of it, which is very effective in solving internal mental friction.
Action can make you consciously stop thinking about it, and you can take off the burden to the greatest extent and move forward lightly.
2. Build relationships with trustworthy people and open yourself up appropriately.
“All human motivation occurs in relationships, and we must try to open ourselves to the outside world.”
A true story on the Internet:
A netizen is a person with serious internal friction, has few friends, and always stays alone.
Later, she bravely broke herself, opened her heart, and made trustworthy friends.
The two got along very well, tolerated each other, and did many wonderful things.
Netizens began to become cheerful, and the whole person showed vitality.
Trustworthy friends can increase our sense of security in life and help us release and externalize our inner emotions.
In the process of getting along with them, the pressure is reduced, the mood becomes more open, and the internal friction will be greatly reduced.
3. Face up to and accept your true self.
We always compare our own shortcomings with the strengths of others.
Then, there is a gap in the heart.
As everyone knows, when you really know yourself and face yourself, you will find that everyone has shortcomings, and you also have valuable things.
For the advantages of the body, continue to maintain; for the shortcomings, be more tolerant, and there is no serious problem.
Relax, be free, and don’t condemn too much because of your own good or bad, and get tired of internal friction.
4. Learn to “neutralize yourself”.
To neutralize oneself is to flexibly adjust oneself and automatically offset the too sharp part of the character.
For example, some people are cautious in everything and don’t want to leave flaws in everything.
However, excessive pursuit of perfection is to let yourself fall into internal friction.
At this time, you might as well allow yourself to be reckless, and “force” yourself to act when you have an idea, but you will feel more comfortable than ever.
And some people are too careless and impulsive. At this time, you might as well warn yourself to think twice before acting.
This kind of adjustment based on the real situation can effectively solve internal friction.
It’s just that what works for others may not work for you. You need to find an adjustment method that suits you.
5. Maintain a healthy body.
Read this sentence in the book:
“Spiritual strength needs to be protected by physical strength.”
When we have a healthy and strong body, we have the ability to soothe our spirit.
If your body is a mess, it will only tax your energy.
With a good body, everything will get better and better.
A person’s biggest internal friction is not letting go of himself.
Life is not easy, and you must know how to cherish yourself, not only on the material level, but more importantly on the spiritual level.
When we gradually become stronger and let go of internal friction, we can keep only a simple mind like a child, and simply do our own things well, and we will reap great happiness.