Life

Tropical jungle

  is a night moth. This night moth shouldn’t have appeared here, and fell on the dust. It should be in the crevices of rocks where it can hide, it should lie quietly in the veins of plants, it should hang in the air and slowly flap its weak wings. It was motionless, and it was impossible to tell whether it was dead or not, but it was considered to be in a deep sleep. The cold feeling in the night did not seem to bring it the kind of tremors that it often has due to the cold. Its intricate lines in the night, they often confuse people, giving people the feeling that they are always awake.
  There are several possibilities for this noctuid moth. The first possibility is that this is a noctuid that has not lost its life, it just stopped in that space for a while. In the bright light, the black veins are very strong, it is a quiet black, it does not move at all, and there is no sign of wanting to fly at all. We are not familiar with the origin of noctuid. The moth should have some companions, but in the bright light, there is only that one. If it is associated with people, this is a stray noctuid, it just wants to appear in that space quietly, and then stick to the ground quietly. Even if someone lifted his foot and almost stepped on the moth, the moth didn’t feel any danger coming. I raised my foot for a gesture, and I was facing a faint moth, a moth that might have realized that there was no escape from being trampled, a moth that was trying to slowly wake up and fly away . The reason why I didn’t step on it was not the sudden compassion for a noctuid in my heart at that time, but because the noctuid was beautiful enough at that time, especially under the effect of light and shadow, its graceful side would arouse my heart Some indescribable emotion for that noctuid moth. Another possibility was that it was a dead moth, one that had become disoriented during the night. You have seen too many moths dancing wildly, but rarely see moths like a single wild goose. Before this, you never seem to have paid attention to them seriously. At this moment, the noctuid moth and its center and the light falling on it make you have to pay attention to this noctuid moth in front of you.
  Perhaps, after leaving there, the moth will only appear in a certain dream, and then it will be a strange moth. Some people are fascinated by night moths that appear in their dreams. I haven’t told the man yet, but he told me about a noctuid in the dream. It was an old man living in a tropical river valley. The old man gave different meanings to the noctuid in the dream. The noctuid was like those termites in the tropical valley eating away at the building, eating away at the old man. Some people are obsessed with that spider-like bug that I have mentioned many times. It was in a certain village in Cangshan Mountain. There was an old man who firmly believed that his lost soul was that kind of worm. The old man invited a priest to the temple to perform a sacrificial activity, and smoked the corner of the temple with incense, hoping that Insects can crawl out. The priest also looked for that kind of worm for some children. After they were frightened, they needed to call out their souls and summon their souls. Many people asked the priest to help them find them. People believed that they had a secret connection with that kind of worm. Nobody finds it weird, or repulsed, to associate a part of themselves with the humble bug. We may also feel that our lives are equally humble, and that we are equally equal to beings like bugs. Or no one has ever thought about it, it’s just common sense left over from time to time about the relationship between that kind of bug and people.
  When I realized that there was also a connection between these bugs and me, I suddenly didn’t dare to look down on those bugs. Usually, it is difficult for us to see that kind of insects, and they often live in the hidden places of temples. When I join those who seek, we all become careful, we also become very focused. That kind of focus seems to be difficult to have in ordinary days. We will be ecstatic because we found those bugs, and we will also be frustrated because we can’t find them. When we can’t find them, it means that we need to hold a sacrificial activity to find them again. We see that they look like spiders, but we are not sure that is a spider, and that cannot be a spider. I knew they were a type of spider, it was just too small compared to the usual ones. Unlike the sensory discomfort that those giant spiders bring to people, the reason for this subtle difference is unclear.
  two
  In tropical jungles, people look for plants. It is often a banyan tree, which is very strong, with numerous aerial roots, and new trees can grow from the aerial roots. People kept appearing under the thick banyan trees and held some sacrificial activities. During the years I lived in the tropical river valley, I kept appearing in those banyan forests. When we faced those banyan trees, we had hope for life and future again. We put our eyes on the growth of plants, and we hope that our lives are like the growth of banyan trees, like any plants that grow luxuriantly in the tropical jungle.
  It’s hard for us to imagine the circumstances under which people have equated their lives with that kind of bug. Compared with bugs, plants feel more reasonable. We can see many reasons to climb on plants at a glance. At that time, we became climbing plants, entwined on those plants, and obtained nourishment for better growth. Bugs are different, they are life that makes us feel a little uncomfortable at a glance. If we don’t enter the myths and legends, we will not be able to understand that cultural phenomenon. In my birthplace, we believe in this cultural phenomenon.
  In a Yi village in Cangshan Mountain, they enshrine spiders. In their myths and legends, the people in that village were hunted down in the war-torn years. They hid in the cave, and the spiders weaved their webs at the entrance of the cave in a short period of time, which created a kind of unprecedented chaos for those chasing people. The feeling of being here is the only way to escape. Those people began to worship spiders out of gratitude, and spiders became their totems. We understand their feelings about spiders. About those spider-like bugs, we can’t say why, we are just perpetuating a cultural phenomenon, we are perpetuating something else. We take a bug seriously. We seal the bugs we find in bowls filled with tartary buckwheat and feed them with buckwheat. We never worry that the seal will suffocate the bugs. After the bowl was placed for a few days, we opened the bowl, and a mysterious thing happened, there was no corpse of the bug, only the familiar tartary buckwheat remained in the bowl, and the absence of the bug meant that it had already left the bowl unscathed. People’s explanation is that the bug returned to the person who had lost his soul, and a bug returned to normal again. I feel incredible, anyone will feel incredible when faced with these. In that way, the worm completes the argument that he is not a worm. When I was a child, faced with such a situation, I was even more amazed at this bug that is connected to our spirit. When I saw a cracked bowl in a museum about rituals, I was sure it was the bowl we used to hold that kind of bug. It’s just that the bowl is empty, the bowl is no longer a complete bowl, and some of the enamel on the bowl is no longer moist and shiny.
  three
  Take a break from reality and give your mind to an animal or plant. For the first time, it was discovered that different geography cut the world into different cultural spaces. That’s the difference behind the place names. The novelist also told me many times that geography divides culture, and in his opinion, such a division is more prominent in the land of Yunnan. We are all lamenting that this is indeed the case. Not only did we see different mountains and rivers, we also saw different ethnic groups and villages. Speaking of Dali, there will be pieces of armored horse paper fluttering in the wind in my mind. The models of armored horses are randomly placed in the armored horse museum, where we saw many uncommon models of armored horses. We bought the finished armored paper from the market and pasted it on the corner of the wall. The armored paper that had been pasted for a while was taken down, burned with fire, and carried to a certain river to let it flow along the river. Jiama River. Speaking of that tropical river valley, what flashed was people wearing gorgeous Dai costumes or costumes of other ethnic groups, which was a strong impression left after entering the tropical river valley for the first time. That day happened to be a traditional festival for people to dress up, and many people put on costumes. The old people were different from the young people, they always wore national costumes. People appeared in a banyan forest, and while people were going to the market, there were some singing and dancing performances that belonged to that world. On other days, some people cut down the sugarcane grove, some people went into the banana grove, and some people went to pick coffee beans, and there was my shadow in those people. Speaking of Lijiang, what I think of is the murals in a village under the snow-capped mountains. People began to copy those murals and let those murals walk in various worlds. Speaking of other place names, there are some different geography and culture. This is the difference behind the place names, and some small place names also divide something, which is a more subtle difference.

  Like the ghost moth, we discovered the world behind the place name. The appearance of the noctuid moth and the imagination of the ghost moth are also the geography that cuts some impressions and understandings. I entered a large geographic space. I felt that I was also cut into various fragments by those geographical spaces. Some of my shards belong to the tropical jungle, some of my shards belong to Cangshan, and others belong to the birthplace. They have already become various fragments along with my running in different worlds. Sometimes they seem to be a relatively complete individual, but most of the time they are no longer.
  Four Is
  that noctuid moth a kind of ghost moth? The novelist dreamed of ghost moths. In a barren mountain, in a certain cemetery, all kinds of ghost moths suddenly flew out, and only those ghost moths accompanied him alone. Dreams are absurd, and dreams may also have some metaphors and hints. During that time, the novelist fell into a kind of nihility and sentimentality and couldn’t extricate himself. In her opinion, there are always some reasons for the appearance of dreams. The novelist began to write a novel called “Ghost Moth”. When she was writing this novel, she wrote it in the middle of the night. In such writing behavior and writing habits, there was a strange feeling like a ghost moth. She said that she intentionally To create an eerie feeling. She said that before writing about ghost moths, she did see many ghost moths in a certain mountain in reality. She always felt that ghost moths were ghostly creations, as if those ghost moths knew she was looking for them. The purpose of the ghost moth is to appear in front of her. Under the influence of the light, the ghost moth is a little erratic, giving her visual tremors, and then giving her inspiration. She said that she quickly thought of the title of the novel, which was called “Ghost Moth”.
  Are ghost moths beautiful? I know that such a question should not have arisen, because the ghost moth is destined not to be associated with beauty because of its name, even if it is indeed beautiful, it cannot be used to describe them. That noctuid moth, when I used “beautiful” to describe it, I thought it was very appropriate, that is the difference in naming, even though sometimes they are one kind. When facing the night moth in front of him, it doesn’t seem to have much connection with the weirdness. A peaceful world is not a place full of danger. The situation of a noctuid. A noctuid that was about to die became very fragile. Beauty is only part of its fragility. The sense of space is actually not very strong. The only way is to put the noctuid into the space he created. It has been unable to escape the space it created itself. If a gust of wind hits or a rain falls, it may make the noctuid moth disappear from that space, and it is very likely that I will not meet the noctuid moth and stay on it for a long time. Facing a noctuid moth makes me suddenly feel the indifference in my heart, that kind of indifference has always existed, and when I pay attention to that noctuid moth, it is only temporarily weakened. It seems that there are several hypothetical possibilities, one is dead, one is still alive, and the other may be sleeping. Sleeping on that cold ground, I believe it is possible. After all, I once saw a gecko sleeping against a cold telephone pole in the early morning of a winter day. Should I wake it up? Are there other possibilities? I’m racking my brains for other possibilities. I met it there by chance, and I felt some of the dizziness that an encounter might bring. I don’t care whether the night moth lives or dies. Leaving that space, noctuids no longer appear within the reach of my attention, and I feel a little bit of fatigue, when the lights turn a little yellow, and there are some crops that have been harvested beside the cement road. In this world, you will get tired easily. If it is during the day, when the crops are growing or ripening, the fatigue will not be as strong. If we ever get tired, it can only happen in the jungle, we get sweaty in the heat, we get tired in the hot wind.
  I also remembered that the poet once told us that some people moved from a place of bitter cold at a high altitude to a tropical river valley at a low altitude. A rich land would rather return to that barren land. In the full of oxygen and hot air, they have been in a drowsy fatigue. They were drowsy, but the plants in the tropical valley had been growing crazily. When everyone first heard what the poet said, they couldn’t help laughing, and I was one of them. When the poet finished speaking, we suddenly became silent. The seemingly absurd front actually has a very serious meaning. The topic, that is the proposition about hometown and foreign country. For a while, when I first came to the tropical valley, I also had a similar experience, feeling inexplicably powerless and inexplicably irritable. I finally realized that I was the same as those people, and I finally understood why there was no one in a certain resettlement site by the Nu River for a long time, only some dogs with their tongues sticking out. They and the relocated people came there, and the people fled back, but some dogs stayed there. They waited for the owner to come back, but the owner never came back. During the years of living in that tropical valley, I also saw a place where the Nujiang River was flowing in front of it. Standard houses were built, but no one lived in it for a long time. It is rumored that several families on the top of the mountain will move there. It is a drop in altitude, which is somewhat similar to the group of people mentioned by the poet. They also cannot adapt to the change of altitude for a while. The night moth felt tired too. Night moths won’t be able to stand my nagging anymore. The night moth has awakened, and the night moth trembled and flew away from that space. Did it happen? Still never happened.
  We feed some life deep inside. Some people will feed some kind of seemingly weird life in reality. In the tropical jungle, it is also said that some people will raise ghosts in the kitchen. People say it clearly, saying that to see if a family is raising ghosts, look at their kitchen. If their kitchen is clean and there is not much food left over, that family is often raising ghosts. People who raise ghosts will become poorer and poorer. What I don’t understand is why raising ghosts will make them poorer, and they still stubbornly continue to raise ghosts. In the tropical jungle, there will always be such mysterious things happening. It’s just that no one told me what the ghosts they raised looked like, and the narrators often hesitated to speak. Several times, I took the initiative to ask, and they answered very vaguely. When those stories about raising ghosts still exist, it also means that some mysteries in the tropical jungle are still covered and nourished by those green plants. I didn’t talk to the novelist about raising ghosts. A novelist can only feed a ghost moth in mental space. The novelist said that I remembered wrongly. It wasn’t that she started writing the novel with the title “Ghost Moth” after she saw the ghost moth, but that the ghost moth appeared only after she wrote that novel. Her emphasis must have some deep meaning on her part. It’s also possible that she was just stating the facts without any deep meaning. It’s just that when we look at such a statement intentionally, the statement has the meaning of being interpreted in another way.
  five
  I have been in the tropical jungle many times. The first time I appeared in a tropical jungle, I only felt hot and boring, and I just wanted to escape quickly, after all, I had never lived in such a hot place. Where I used to live, every winter, the cold wind blows, and I still feel the biting cold. It wasn’t until winter that I really realized that I liked tropical jungles. The flourishing state of plants was something I had never seen before. What amazes me is the vitality presented by tropical plants, and I also like the sense of color reproduced by flourishing plants. Panzhihua is in full bloom. It is the most brilliant color in the tropical jungle in winter. This kind of plant often likes to grow by the river. What I saw was the Panzhihua by the Nujiang River. It blends with the green color of the river, making the whole world shine Exciting cleanliness. I did not hide my inner excitement many times, and told many people about the Nu River in winter and the blooming Panzhihua. Enthusiasm and publicity are the characteristics of tropical valleys on weekdays. In winter, the blue river gives people a different feeling than usual. When we see the clarity and tranquility, Panzhihua suddenly blooms beautifully, and the world shows its passionate and flamboyant side. To live in such a world is bound to be infected by the world itself. The dreams I had in that world were equally complicated and intense. Every time I think of the color and cleanliness that the world should have, the river in the tropical jungle, the tropical jungle itself. I always feel that when I walk in the tropical jungle, one river after another will flow out of those tropical plants. Many times, plants and rivers are wrapped in mist, and the green world always gives people a sense of blur.

  I lived in a tropical river valley for several years, and then returned to the foot of Cangshan Mountain. This return to my hometown did not weaken the beauty left to me by that world. The time of living in the tropical valley is the time of expressing emotions. The intensity of emotion between people is just like the climate of the world. People still use some festivals to express their strong emotions towards the natural world. I was also in that world, and I began to let my emotions become full and strong, and I became able to talk about beauty without any scruples. At that time, we didn’t have any feeling of falling into big words when talking about beauty, land, rivers and plants. Those big words we hate didn’t exist, and we could even talk about ideals and freedom in those tropical jungles. These scarce, or in the eyes of many people, things that are big words, we don’t feel it at all. In those few years, we were used to expressing our love without hiding it. We could also just wear jerseys and shorts, put on a pair of slippers, ride a small motorcycle, and just run around in those villages, or just in some villages. Drink some wine on the street, no one will reject and despise that kind of truth. We became friends with some people, we would often appear in their homes, we would drink, we would talk about ideals and reality, and find that the light of reality seemed to shine into reality, and at the same time, we realized that we were leaving that tropical valley.
  The tropical valley climate is constantly changing us outsiders. Many things in the tropical valley still affect us and change our view of the world. Before that, we always looked at the world with a single vision, always with the rigidity of a cold region. We endure the boredom of the tropical jungle in summer, and at the same time enjoy the coolness of the tropical jungle in winter. We don’t have to endure the loneliness caused by the large-scale withering of plants in winter. At that time, I always felt that some parts of my body and spirit were being nourished by those plants. We also became a kind of plant. We appeared in the banana forest, looking at the bunches of bananas that were about to ripen hanging on the banana trees. We also appeared in front of a certain bovine belly fruit tree, worried that the bovine belly would fall down and hurt people, and we were also thinking about how to pick a huge bovine belly fruit and take it home. That is the impression of the tropical jungle. That is also the main reason why it has been unable to get out of the tropical jungle.
  six
  It was in another tropical jungle, it was winter, there was rain and mist, the luxuriant growth of plants was the same as what I had seen in tropical valleys, there were many similar plants, and there were similar big rivers, It’s just that the names of the rivers are different, one is called Nu River and the other is called Lancang River. There are also different things. In that tropical valley, there are no people who raise crocodiles. In this tropical jungle, there is a person who likes to raise crocodiles. You can only believe that he is a person who likes to raise crocodiles. If he doesn’t like it, he will not easily raise some crocodiles. Crocodiles are different from those common life. If you raise some fish in that pond, many people will think of it and will raise it. If you plant some unique plants by the pond, it is not very strange to you. It is planted. Some palm plants. Raising crocodiles is different. There are some inexplicable meanings in that behavior. Those crocodiles are kept only to attract some people to come and see them. If this is the case, you will be somewhat disappointed. This will mean that all complicated assumptions and imaginations will become very simple, which is as simple as the richness and complexity of that world. no the same. You wanted to meet the crocodile raiser, until you left the tropical jungle, the crocodile raiser never showed up, you observed for several days, and you never saw the crocodile feeder, you just saw signs of feeding. You have been watching all day, and the crocodile feeder still hasn’t appeared. The crocodile feeder also doesn’t show up until you leave. The person who feeds the crocodiles must have appeared at night. Another possibility is that the interval between each feeding of the alligators is very long. Another possibility is that the feeder forgot to feed them, then they may be a group of hungry alligators. I couldn’t help but start to speculate. They are mere conjectures. Instead of being weird when crocodiles appear in tropical jungles, when ghost moths are mentioned, we always feel that they are slightly weird wherever they appear. Just as we identify crocodiles as cold and dangerous, we also identify ghost moths with death.
  It will be a completely different feeling to meet these two beings at night. Ghost moth, you always feel that it is the resurrection of some dead lives, and it is also a kind of resurrection that many people think. What would they say about each other if they met and both knew about their latest novel? Now it’s me who judges them. I don’t know how to rate them. I just use my own feelings to touch these two completely different lives. We became crocodiles, and then the crocodiles became ghost moths. Will the crocodiles become ghost moths? It’s as if we’ve never thought about it, we’ve always thought of dead people as little ghost moths. We also always think that our soul is just a little spider-like worm, as long as that worm is there, we will not be lost, we will not be anxious, and we will not be restless. I once again appeared in the cemetery of the martyrs of the Anti-Japanese War. There were many small stone tablets, and there were no bones under the stone tablets. It was no longer possible to distinguish any definite people. In that world, there will be some ghost moths. The setting sun is about to fall from the distant mountains. I hurried to escape. I was really afraid that I would meet a group of ghost moths flying around strangely from a certain corner of that world. , flying aimlessly, slowly and erratically. They will all be just ghost moths, the same kind of ghost moths, and those who died because of the war are more young lives, and they will eventually become the same kind of people, all of them are nameless people who are inextricably linked to the war . I saw that on those steles, there were numbers engraved on them, but no names.
  She said that there was always a ghost moth living in her heart. Why not a group? Facing my question, she may feel a little puzzled that she would have such a question. One ghost moth is enough. She knew that there was such a ghost moth, waiting for her to draw it with a fine brush, to draw its outline, to draw its pattern, to describe the ash that was about to shake off its wings, and its size, It is much bigger than the night moth I saw, and it has patterns like eyes. Those eyes meet people, and when you look away, they still follow you. I am in a different space from the novelist, and all I met was a little night moth. The bones of the people on the mountain, some incomplete bones), saw those huge ghost moths, different from the lonely one deep in my heart, there were many of them, and they all fluttered their wings, like a group of huge ghost moths In that special space, if you fly like a flock of startled birds and gradually become lighter, what kind of feeling will it be. You cannot imagine, nor dare to imagine. Just the appearance of one has already awakened a part of the past reality about that space. Those things that you thought had been forgotten and faded long ago will appear again, which makes people caught off guard. If many ghost moths appear, more and more complex pasts will be awakened. When some memories are awakened, we will bear the pain caused by these memories. Some people will not be able to bear the memory of the war, and some will suffer from the memory that has never been able to solve the mystery.
  I’m reading “The Immigrant,” in which someone leaves the world because he can’t bear the torture and consumption of memory. The time I spent reading “Immigration” far exceeded the original plan. It was a very slow reading process. Memory and forgetting are its themes. The sorrow and tragedy in it always make people unable to speed up. Pressed down on me, I became a person who tried my best to move myself. Only ghost moths know their real pain. The novelist needs to create a space for placing those ghost moths, a space for burying the corpses of those dead ghost moths. The mountain in reality is very suitable, and the underground world is very suitable. The ghost moth has become a critical life, it can easily go back and forth between the two worlds of life and death, but after serving as a special identity in the two worlds of life and death, it is often difficult to appear light because of the weight, so We often see them clinging to plants and rocks, with wet wings and temporarily unable to fly. She said that such a life is not very strange. When she said that, the ghost moth really released a strange aura just like its name.
  When I was in that war museum, I looked for them in those corners of the museum and hoped to see them in the natural world around the museum, only to regret and be thankful that I didn’t see them at all figure. I knew they must be in a corner of that museum, they were waiting quietly in the posture of dying, and then they suddenly appeared in front of some people, which made people startled. While paying attention to them, people may also have some serious thinking about the theme of life. We need the kind of things and life that make the heart tremble. Sometimes, that’s what museums seem to be about. When a certain part of us falls asleep and a certain part becomes dull, it needs to be awakened. Only when we are awakened will we not continue to slide down. In addition to “Immigration”, I am also reading other texts at the same time, writing in diary style, which is a presentation that the writer has never stopped thinking about. The propositions involved are very broad, involving morality and aesthetics, language and experience, life and meaning, Writing and reading, philosophy and thinking, etc. Although the notes are short, the content contained is rich and complex. These notes are the author’s reflections on human spirit and destiny as an intellectual in the era of fragmentation. They are also based on rich experience, keen sense of touch, poetic wisdom, profound thoughts, etc. The poetic nature of unique thoughts discourse. These notes allow us to be illuminated by the light of thought inadvertently; such notes will also allow us to regain a slow and extremely meaningful state of mind in the fast pace of life.
  The theme of the novel must involve life and death. When I told her this idea, she said that it is not the case, and the ghost moth is just a metaphor. The writing of the novel was not smooth, and for a while she didn’t know how to write, and the pain of not being able to write tormented her, and she realized pessimistically that it was difficult for her to get out of the quagmire of not being able to write. There may be some ghost moths flying out of the mud, ghost moths may still be slow, but they will fly slowly over the mud, we will not know where they come from, we only know that they fly over the mud. Ghost moths will save you from the mud. She agrees, she disagrees. When we sink into the quagmire of life, will one or a group of ghost moths come to save us in the end?

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