How to realize the dream of reunion for couples in different places
Nowadays, it is more and more common for husband and wife to live in two places due to career development. Although it is their heart’s desire to work hard for their careers and pursue a higher quality of life, many long-distance couples still have a strong desire to receive support and care from their families, looking forward to finding a solution that bests both worlds.
Ms. Shi, 30, has been separated from her husband for more than three years. Although they have a daughter and they are used to living apart, they also feel that if this continues, their relationship will weaken, and it is definitely not a good thing for their children. Ms. Shi said sadly: “So we really want to find a way to see if we can guarantee the reunion of our family without too much impact on career development
” With their own efforts, they were admitted to a university in Shanghai from their hometown Tangshan, where they majored in language and biological engineering. After graduation, Ms. Shi, who returned to her hometown, found a job that satisfied both her family and herself—a middle school English teacher; while Mr. Cai chose to study abroad to further develop his major. Reunite with Miss Shi in his hometown.
”We got married after he came back, and one year later, in 2018, our daughter was born.” Ms. Shi recalled, “Because I live with my parents and my job is relatively stable, so Even with squatting, the pressure of life is not too great. However, my husband was more ‘painful’ at that time.”
In the city where Ms. Shi and Mr. Cai live, there are not many job opportunities for bioengineering, even Cai The husband is still engaged in related work, but he still feels that he cannot reflect his own value, cannot realize his career aspirations, and his income is completely inconsistent with expectations. Miss Shi said: “After several discussions, our family finally decided that we should let him go to Shanghai to find better opportunities and development.” In 2019, the
”A Tale of Two Cities” of Miss Shi’s family officially kicked off: Miss Shi and The child stayed in Tangshan, while Mr. Cai went to Shanghai to work hard.
Separation is easy, reunion is difficult
After arriving in Shanghai, Mr. Cai’s academic qualifications and professional knowledge quickly allowed him to find a job that was busy but satisfying. “It feels like his mood has improved. To put it in a nasty way, everything is full of hope.” Miss Shi said with a smile, “Although the daily expenses have increased, he has also earned more. The living expenses that Yue calls Kuo Squad are more than when he stayed in Tangshan.”
As long as there are no special circumstances, Miss Shi and Kuo Squad will make video calls with Mr. Cai every night. Go back to my hometown to reunite with my family. However, as time went by, many problems that were originally ignored by the two also followed.
Bearing the brunt is the emotional needs of children for their parents. Due to repeated epidemics and corresponding prevention and control measures, Mr. Cai has not been home for more than a year and missed his child’s entire kindergarten stage. “The child often asks me why my father is not at home and doesn’t come to play with me. Although there are videos every night, the absence of my father will always make the child feel missing.” Ms. Shi said helplessly.
In addition to the emotional needs of the children, long-term separation between husband and wife can also lead to emotional apathy, making the couple have to re-examine the current state of life. “After much deliberation, we decided that I would take Squat to live with my husband.” Ms. Shi said, “It just so happens that the child is about to go to elementary school, and the educational resources in Shanghai are more ideal for the child.”
Can wishes come true?
However, the family reunion is not as simple as imagined.
First, they encountered a financial problem. Neither Mr. Cai nor Miss Shi has any roots in Shanghai. During the more than three years that Mr. Cai worked alone, he also rented a one-room household near the company, with a monthly rent of about 4,500 yuan.
Mr. Cai’s current monthly salary is 16,000 yuan after tax. Excluding rent and living expenses, the monthly balance is about 8,500 yuan, of which 5,500 yuan will be used as living expenses, and the remaining 3,000 yuan will generally be kept by Mr. Cai. Get it up for a rainy day. And Ms. Shi’s after-tax income is around 5,000 yuan. “If our family wants to live in Shanghai, our expenditure on housing will increase, and my husband’s income alone will definitely not be enough.” Ms. Shi said.
Ms. Shi and Mr. Cai have a wedding house in their hometown, which is currently rented out. In order to gain a better foothold in Shanghai, Ms. Shi is considering whether to sell the wedding house and buy a real estate in Shanghai. “The wedding house is worth about 1.1 million yuan, and our deposits together are about 400,000 yuan, because my husband has not paid social security for five years in Shanghai, and we still have two years before we can be eligible to buy a house. But we also I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, it’s just enough for us to save up, we’ll be able to rent a house for a while, and when we can buy a house, the down payment should be enough.” Ms. Shi calculated in this way.
”The problem is that unless we ask our parents for help, we will probably go bankrupt at that time and use all the assets of the family to pay the down payment. But when we go to primary school again, the expenses will definitely not be less. So we are very conflicted, do we want to buy a house? Or just keep renting a house like this?”
Second, there is the problem of Ms. Shi’s work. Ms. Shi currently has two options: one is to find a job related to English teaching in Shanghai. She said: “The job of a teacher is relatively stable, and I have more time to take care of my children during the winter and summer vacations. However, as an English teacher in a third-tier city, I may not be competitive enough in a first-tier city and need further education. In addition, I also consider that teachers’ income is not It’s very high, so I’m hesitant.”
Ms. Shi’s second intention is to find a job in a translation company. In this case, the income will be higher than that of a teacher, but the problem is that the work will be more busy. Because their parents have not retired and will not come to Shanghai with them, it is inevitable that they need to ask aunts to take care of the children.
Finally, there is the issue of parental pensions. Considering the future, Ms. Shi and Mr. Cai are expected to live in Shanghai for a long time, while their parents will stay in their hometown. Although the daily expenses in small cities are not large, because they will not be with their parents for a long time in the future, they will definitely lack in life care. Ms. Shi worried: “Especially when they are sick and hospitalized, they have no other insurance except medical insurance, so we also want to set aside some money for the parents’ urgent needs.” I hope the family will be reunited, but we have to
face Regarding the practical problem, Ms. Shi said: “So I really want to know, in a situation like ours, is there any way to realize our wishes through financial management and add a guarantee to our family reunion life?”