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How do we deal with the death of a loved one?

  My dad has been gone for 20 years, but I had a dream about him the other day. I still remember very clearly the last moments of my father’s life, and I feel very sad.
  My father was very experienced and his last position was at Air Force General Hospital. He spent his last days at Air Force General Hospital. My father had cancer. About 20 days after the operation, he called me to his side and said, “I want to talk to you about something. My tumor was not removed.” I said, “I did.” He He said, “I didn’t pick it up. The first thing I woke up after such a big operation was to touch the drainage tube, but I didn’t feel it, which means the tumor wasn’t picked up.” I looked at him in great pain and had to say, “It was the doctor who asked I lied to you.” He said: “In 20 days, I figured it out, life and death are a matter of life.” So he talked to the doctor about life and death. The doctor said it was the second of all the cancer patients he had contacted to talk directly to them about life and death.
  After my father had a radiotherapy, his condition deteriorated quickly, he couldn’t eat, he started to infuse nutrient solution, he used various sedatives, and his body was full of tubes. He called me to the bedside and said, “I don’t want treatment anymore. If it goes on, it will affect all of you… I’ve been in the hospital for so many years, and I know very well that this kind of treatment doesn’t make any sense and I don’t have a quality of life. I’ll end up being skinny and not human, and you’ll all be exhausted. The pain I’m having right now, you don’t understand, it’s not just pain, it’s an indescribable pain, the kind that cancer cells devour you It’s hard.”
  I was very sad to hear that, but we have to face it. Finally, I told the doctor to stop giving my father pointless treatment. So the doctor pulled out all the tubes.
  My father’s death made me realize that there is basically nothing modern medicine can do when it comes to patients at the terminal stage of cancer. The only thing they can do is to keep the patients dignified and let them go as little pain as possible. Analgesic technology can be said to be one of the greatest inventions of modern medicine, it can make patients less painful. Medicine cannot make people immortal. No matter how old you are, no matter how high your status, no matter how much wealth, you can’t stop life from reaching its end.
  So, how do we deal with the death of a loved one? I think that humanistic care should advocate telling the truth to the person closest to you and the one you love most, and let him discuss with you the most serious topic in life-death.
  Birth, old age, sickness, and death are the four moments of life that are inseparable from the hospital. We are born in a hospital, and old age, sickness, and death are all related to medicine. When we talk about the medical humanities, one of the points is to explore the significance of modern medicine to the final moments of life. Here, I would like to talk about the life and death revelation that my birth doctor, Dr. Ye Huifang, brought me.
  Dr. Ye Huifang is the founder of the Obstetrics and Gynecology Department of the PLA General Hospital, and a master student of Dr. Lin Qiaozhi, a famous obstetrics and gynecology department in my country. In 2016, on my 60th birthday, I did one thing to visit Dr. Ye Huifang, who delivered my birth. That year, Dr. Ye Huifang was 100 years old. When I saw her, her voice was loud, her eyes were clear, her mind was clear, and she didn’t look like a centenarian at all. Dr. Ye talked to me a lot, and what really touched me was her attitude towards life and death.
  After his retirement, Dr. Ye lived in the house assigned by the PLA General Hospital until his death in 2017. She said: “One of the happiest things is that I have not taken any medicine, I have not had needles in my eyes, and I have not injected any injections.” Dr. Ye’s daughter told me that when the old man was 101 years old, in the last few days of his life , and gradually reduce food intake. On the morning of her death, the leaders of the People’s Liberation Army General Hospital went to see her and said, “If you don’t want to be hospitalized, I’ll give you an infusion at home.” Dr. Ye still refused the infusion, she said, “I don’t take up public medical resources. I’m content to live to this age.” In this way, in the dead of night, Dr. Ye Huifang walked away peacefully and unhurt.
  I think, this should be called death. A doctor who has seen countless lives and deaths, when she is facing death, she sees it very clearly. I also hope that everyone, especially the educated, will raise our awareness on the issue of death.
  How do we face death, especially with such advances in medical technology today? My father-in-law was hospitalized with a cerebral hemorrhage and spent 16 months in the ICU of the PLA General Hospital. I visit him every now and then, and there I see a lot of life and death. Once, I saw a nurse put the phone next to a patient’s ear, and his relatives were talking to him outside the ICU through the glass: “You die, we can’t bear it if you don’t die.” I listened I felt very uncomfortable, thinking that it was the patient’s relatives? Someone told me that he sold the house and borrowed all the money he could borrow, and now there is no way to continue treatment.
  I’m not advocating pointless rescue by selling a house. During the 500 days of my father-in-law’s rescue in the ICU, the only benefit was that family members gradually admitted death from their hearts. For the vast majority of patients in the terminal stage of the disease, the last period of rescue is actually meaningless. For meaningless rescue, we must learn to face death and accept it from the heart.

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