Liuliu asked me to sit down at the restaurant outside the school. I grabbed my sandalwood fan from the bed. The weather is hot, although the restaurant is air-conditioned, but I love the smell of sandalwood, so I keep the fan in my hand.

“Jin Rong, give me Qing He. You know, I love him very much.” Liuliu was drinking Jiuzhen juice, and the ice cubes made her shiver a little.

“Take it if you can.” I said coldly.

“There are so many boys around you, you don’t lack Qinghe.” Liuliu said earnestly.

“It’s their business that they treat me well. Who you like can be fair competition.” I took a sip of Coke, and a chill went straight to the top of my head.

Sixty-six paid the bill and left. I was left with a table of burgers and fries.

Shaking my sandalwood fan, the fragrance bursts into my nostrils. My tears flowed uncontrollably, how much I miss my brother.

Qinghe is tall and has clear facial features. He is a bit like my brother.

I often tell Qinghe about my brother. I told him that my brother is the most important person in my life. “What about your parents?” Qing He is often puzzled. I am silent. Love and hurt are the people closest to me, I can only keep silent.

When I went to college, I only went home once a few months. I was afraid to see my mother’s face deformed by the pain, and she looked at me with hatred in her eyes. When she was in good spirits, her father would push her to sit under the hibiscus tree in the community for a while. Her favorite saying is: “Jin Hui also likes hibiscus trees.”

My father was afraid that I would irritate my mother. After often giving me living expenses, he let me go back to school with my schoolbag. Before leaving, I would always stay in my brother’s room for a while, looking at the airplane model he made, the sculpture he framed, the half-knitted woolen doll he made for me… I quickly wiped away my tears and carried the Schoolbag to catch the 35 bus.

When I entered the school gate, I met Liu Liu who had just permed his hair, and the red hair that exploded was particularly eye-catching. There are always attentive boys bowing their heads to her, but as she said, she has always liked Qinghe the most.

Unfortunately, Qinghe is mine. She just had to wait and see.

Last night, I may have dreamed of my brother again. My roommate said I woke up crying. I can’t remember the content of the dream. I rubbed my eyes vigorously, washed my face with water, and took the sandalwood fan to my public relations class. I sat in the last row, the smell of sandalwood is not to every girl’s liking, I had to stay away from the crowd. Liuliu was late, and when he came in with a book in his hand, he hurriedly slipped to the last row of the classroom. Liuliu’s red hair made the teacher frown, and the seat beside me was occupied by her.

The fans in the classrooms can’t handle the hot weather. I waved the sandalwood fan, again and again. Liuliu couldn’t help covering his nose. I laughed. Since when did she not like the smell of sandalwood?

I moved the fan from right to left, and the smell of sandalwood hit Liuliu even more strongly. After class, she was the first to rush out of the classroom. I looked at her and wondered why she was so heartless back then? Did she really forget what happened in the past?

My mother was hospitalized again, and depression kept her condition recurring for years. I bought mangosteen and grapefruit to see her, and my father motioned for me to put them at the door. Looking through the glass window, her hair was gray, her eyes were dull, and her solitary temperament no longer existed. Her pain is our pain, and I am the culprit in bringing it to them. I looked at the blue sky outside the hospital and wondered why my brother was so stupid? Did he think we would be so miserable in his absence?

When I was 13, my 17-year-old brother broke up with the girl he liked. She said that she didn’t love him anymore, and asked him not to be so stubborn and chasing after her. But my brother always infatuatedly thought that there was room for manoeuvre. He asked me to help him deliver a letter to the girl and put some white pills in his mouth. I don’t understand. “It’s alright, just a few painkillers. You tell her, I don’t hate her.” I just remember my brother’s faint smile when he said this.

I obediently delivered the letter to the girl’s house according to the address my brother said. When she wasn’t there, I put the letter down and left. When I got home, my neighbor told me that my brother was taken to the hospital. I ran to the hospital, my brother was covered with white sheets. My mother cried so hard that she asked me what was going on at the time, and I told the truth.

“Why didn’t you stop him from taking the medicine? Why didn’t you die?” Mom’s roar made me shudder.

I met Liu Liu at the restaurant, and we were all alone. She sat down with the sundae and said, “Jin Rong, I decided not to fight with you for Qinghe. Let’s not fight anymore. Only by living a normal life can we be happy.”

I shook the sandalwood fan and didn’t answer.

“Who are you?” Liuliu asked suddenly.

“Is it because of this fan?” I shook the sandalwood fan with a sneer, “I’m his sister.”

Liuliu’s face turned pale. This sandalwood fan was given to her by her brother. She later returned it to her brother.

“Do you remember my brother? He loves you so much.” I said quietly, and my heart started to hurt again.

“Do you hate me?” I continued. After my brother left, I studied hard, skipped several levels, and finally took the same class as Liuliu. I kept robbing her for a boyfriend, and I wanted her to have no one she liked for the rest of her life.

“Do you hate me?” Liuliu asked me.

I did not answer. Thinking of a sick mother, we all live in pain.

Trapped in love, how can we break out? Perhaps, only forgive each other.

That day, the last thing I said to Liuliu was: “Forget the past and learn to love again.”

Later, when I was not busy, I would go home and take care of my sick mother with my father. My mother is particularly willing to learn an action I taught her: hugging. She will hug me and I will hug her. I think this is a real happiness.

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