The boundary is a dividing line, which can be a solid line or a dashed line. For example, when drawing a line in the middle of mountains and rivers between countries, it should not only be a solid line, but also need to set up rules and erect boundary markers. Once the line is crossed, its nature will change. Another example is between people, no matter how close the relationship is, there is still a dotted line in the middle that can’t be seen by the naked eye. Once the boundary is crossed, the relationship will change. Those who underestimate each other will underestimate each other, and those who are serious will break up the relationship.
A healthy sense of boundaries is clear, solid and flexible, based on self-esteem and respect for others. It has both individuality and commonality. People with a sense of boundaries do not point fingers or interfere in other people’s affairs. This is not indifference, but cultivation.
In Chinese-style interpersonal relationships, there are many people who lack the sense of boundaries. Between relatives, couples and friends, they often do things without boundaries under the excuse of “doing good for you”. Of course, people who have no sense of boundaries are not necessarily bad people. On the contrary, they are often warm-hearted kind-hearted people who just do things without discretion and without principles. Crossing the line casually not only adds trouble to others, but also adds unnecessary trouble to yourself.
Can relatives cross the line? As parents, they read their children’s diaries and check their bags. Because they are children, they criticize their parents for being outdated. Because of closeness, so no defense; Because of closeness, there is no boundary.
Can a husband and wife cross the line? Because we’re married, we check each other’s phones. Because it is husband and wife, so arbitrarily for the other party’s decision, big to life events, small to life trivia. Because close, so hard work; They crossed the line because they were intimate.
Can friends cross boundaries? Because they are friends, so casually for each other. Because we are best friends, so we can wear each other’s clothes. Because are friends, so close; Because are friends, so do not share each other.
Without a sense of boundaries, sooner or later the relationship between each other will be fragmented. Boundless and seemingly vast, in fact, in the end, there is nothing left but a standing place under one’s feet. If an adult has no sense of boundaries, his inner world is actually a child who has not grown up.
Boundary, sometimes tangible, sometimes invisible, sometimes visible, sometimes not touch. But it is real, like a wall in life, rather than arduously over the wall out of the boundary, it is better to quietly stick to their own boundaries, leave enough room for others, leave room for yourself.
A sense of boundaries is a delicate thing. A good parent-child relationship, a good relationship between husband and wife, a good relationship between friends, should be based on mutual respect and independence. The best distance between relatives should be kept at “a bowl of soup” distance, the best distance between friends should be kept at “one meter line” distance. Too close, can not see each other, easy to distortion; Too far to see each other, easy to distance. Keep a proper sense of boundaries, and you’ll live comfortably.
“My freedom is bounded by the freedom of others.” Freedom comes from not interfering with the freedom of others. Some people say that there are three things in this world: one’s own business, others’ business, and God’s business. They decide their own business, others worry about others’ business, and god’s business is nobody’s business. It is the same with relatives, couples and friends. Only in this way can we harmonize.
Living in this world, everything has boundaries. No matter how high the mountain is, it has its peak; no matter how long the river is, it has its source; no matter how far the bird flies, it can’t fly out of the sky; no matter how gorgeous the flower is, it can’t leave the vegetation; the mentally strong people have their own clear boundaries. Keeping a sense of boundary is the most basic quality of a person. “Far away but not sparse, near but not approbate” is the discretion and scale that a person needs to take when walking in the world, and it is also the embodiment of a person’s wisdom.
I was walking down the street…
A beggar — a weak old man — stopped me.
Red, watery eyes, blue lips, rough, ragged clothes, dirty wounds… Oh, what poverty had done to this unhappy man!
He held out a red, dirty hand to me…
He groaned and begged for charity.
I reached into all my pockets… Not a purse, not a watch, not a handkerchief… I don’t have anything with me.
But the beggar waits… His outstretched hand shook and trembled feebly.
Bewildered, I squeezed my dirty, trembling hand. “Excuse me, brother; I have nothing, brother.”
The beggar stared at me with his red, swollen eyes, his blue lips smiled — and he squeezed my cold finger.
‘- not at all, brother -‘ he muttered. ‘It’s much to be thanked for, and a favour, brother!’
I understand that I have also received a favour from my brother. Above all, you must be true to yourself, just as night comes into day. He that is true to himself shall lie not to others.