Learn how to live with suffering

Until the age of forty, I always felt that my life was very bitter. I could always cite a few vivid examples from my poor childhood, depressed youth and struggling middle age. The most typical cases, one is the lack of snacks at a young age, hope sugar and not, steal the sugar coating on the pill, get covered with allergic rash; Second, there is no electricity at home, often light kerosene lamp reading, face is blackened; Third, the father of my first girlfriend disliked my family’s poverty and let the girl marry guangdong, I was born in bed withered seven have no love; Fourth, when they first came to Chengdu to work, the couple slept on broken mattresses with springs, and fought mice and cockroaches in the middle of the night…
These things, indeed, are painful at the time they occur, but as we grow older and become more aware of suffering, we begin to feel a little helpless — for example, if we were poor in childhood, could we be poorer than our mothers? My suffering is no snacks, and mother’s suffering is no food; My misery was reading with a kerosene lamp, while my mother’s misery was having no books to read. As for the lovelorn, how much is due to my poverty, and how much is due to my ignorant and impulsive temper in adolescence? That’s another story.
A few years ago, at a reunion, a group of old classmates in their late fifties were chatting about the past under a ginkgo tree. An old classmate said lovingly, “Lao Zeng, do you know? When I was studying, WHAT I envied most was you city people, who can wear furry labor shoes in winter and don’t suffer frostbite…” The student now opened his own b&B, but when talking about the past, a face can not be relieved of the pain. Another student said that he liked a girl in the class at that time, but because he thought I also had a crush on that girl, he felt that he could not compete with me, so he stayed away from me…
Unexpectedly, I thought my life was ruined and miserable, but it was the envy of others and not far away. At that moment, I suddenly realized, “When you are suffering no shoes, you find that there are so many people in the world have no feet”. Their little pain, suddenly become a little funny.
This is not ah Q spirit, but the self-healing function of human beings. People’s tolerance for pain significantly improved when they compared themselves to others. That’s probably why my fourth aunt envied her grandmother on her deathbed. At that time, my grandmother was blind in both eyes, but she could still be helped to walk. My four aunt, who had been in bed for several years, took my grandmother’s hand and said, “Sister, if ONLY I could live as smartly as you do for a day!”
After half a century of life, I have seen so many unspeakable and incurable sufferings and destinies. When I look back at my own sufferings, I have nothing to say but shame and then smile.
The so-called growth, perhaps in one’s eyes and mind, can see and tolerate all kinds of “last resort”. Things are no longer black and white, life is no longer sweet and bitter, people are no longer good and bad, everything in the world has its own necessity. The real life, always mixed feelings, lack of blindly also can’t.
We cannot avoid suffering, but we can learn from suffering how to live with it, accept it as a part of life. In this way, suffering is less lethal, just like bitter melon — in front of those who have experienced suffering and looked at it, it is only a dish of pure heart.

Life to use three “needle”, the three needles are the compass, needle and embroidery needle.
There is no doubt that the compass is the direction of life, but also the ambition of life. The so-called birds have wings, people have ambition. Direction determines the right way or not, ambition determines the height of the climb. No direction before walking not far, no ambition wings fly not high. The direction is right, less detours; Ambition, can climb the heights. So, life needs a compass.
If the compass is the big and far of life, then the needle is the small and thin of life.
The first function of a needle is to lead it through. Human beings are social animals, not isolated. Kinship, friendship and love are the three pillars of emotion. Because of this needle, you will not let your life on a deserted island. This needle leads to the person who loves you, who is called family, so you have the original family, feel the deepest affection, parents, grandparents, grandparents, brothers and sisters all belong to this sequence, including your children; This needle, lead to understand your people, that person is called a friend, so you have a friendship, the harvest of the most pure friendship, classmates, comraes-in-arms, colleagues and so on belong to this sequence; This needle, it leads to the person who likes you and loves you, that person is called lover, so you have a new family, experience the most romantic love, in this category, is either husband or wife.
The second function of a needle is to sew. There are two aspects to suturing: one is to mend the rift with others. No matter how deep the family is, there can be no friction; Friendship again prison, impossible without estrangement; No matter how tough love is, it is impossible without misunderstanding. When affection slowly slowly slowly, when friendship gradually far away, when love gradually from gradually scattered, with this needle suture, friction can be eliminated, estrangement can be divided, misunderstanding can be broken. On the other hand, he mended his own wounds. Society is like this, the ideal is full, the reality is very skinny. People float in rivers and lakes, where there is no knife. Frustrated, hurt, frustrated, fall, eyes in tears, heart bleeding. How to do? Sew with this needle, thread through time, stitch by stitch, and the wound slowly heals itself.
As for the embroidery needle, it is the closeness and delicacy of life.
The same is life, will live in the enjoyment of people, not life is very uncomfortable; The quality of life of the person who can live is high, the quality of life of the person who can’t live is rough. Why is that? The latter uses thick needles, while the former uses embroidery needles. With a thick needle, the lines of life are too thick, the stitches are naturally large, and it has been quilted over the years, and those most beautiful are often hidden in the pocket, so the happiness or beauty lost. And taking embroider needle, the line of life is fine, stitch nature is small, landscape does not fall, flowers and birds are not left behind, nature also cannot miss small, also can receive all beauty rise.

These are the three “needles” in life: compass makes life not confused, needle makes life not lonely, needle makes life not rough. The compass determines the height of life, the needle determines the thickness of time, and the embroidery needle determines the taste, grade and quality of life.

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