We all like to live lightly, and we all tend to feel lonely.
Compared with the deep friendship of the “turn of eight worship”, perhaps mild socialization is what we need more, but we may lack some small opportunities and small clues to bring people closer together.
Come and master a small social key that can shorten the distance between people and open the door to the social universe!
In fact, some of the ways to make friends in childhood are also useful in the adult world. The most typical is that in kindergarten, everyone can become friends by sharing snacks and secrets. Although it is not suitable for sharing secrets in the office, it is completely possible to share snacks.
There are always people who say don’t expect to be friends with your colleagues, but if you can’t get along with your colleagues easily and happily, how hard it will be to go to work.
Speaking of snacks, it can not only solve the problem of gluttony, but also shorten the distance between colleagues, which is a small social key.
There has always been a small note on my computer, with a sentence written: Xiao A handed me a handful of pine nuts this morning, it is good to have pine nuts. The day when Xiao A gave me pine nuts, I was in a low state. This little friendship pine nuts gave me unexpected comfort, and my psychological distance with Xiao A also narrowed. Now we each have a new job, but we still keep in touch and sometimes meet. Without that little handful of pine nuts, maybe we wouldn’t find out that we could become friends by stripping away the relationship between colleagues.
Between colleagues, you can have a little game.
For a while, my team and I worked remotely, with a few colleagues on the project in one office, while I was based in another city. We rarely see each other, and the online communication is very relaxed and pleasant. We play a game together across the city: set a key word for dressing every day, for example, Monday is “plaid”, then everyone’s clothing must have some plaid elements in it. Everyone took pictures of their clothes that day and passed them to the small group, and then they discussed who was the most clever and unexpected, and finally voted to see who would win.
We only spend ten minutes talking about this every day, but these ten minutes are like a small bond that connects us. These girls are not just ordinary colleagues in my heart. My relationship with them is more than on the same floor. Other colleagues in the office are more intimate.
As a Muggle, my sad experience was watching Fantastic Beasts 2 by myself. My close relatives and friends are not Harry Potter fans. They are happy to accompany me to the movies, but they cannot resonate with my laughter and tears.
Later, the mobile game “Magic Awakening” that Harry Potter fans were playing became popular all over the country. I didn’t play games very much at first, I just came here for my feelings. It turned out that it is really good to make friends in the wizarding world. A Buddhist player like me, rather than fighting, enjoys going to school, segregating, going to classes, going to dance parties, and chatting… And I found that many players, like me, originally intended to join in the fun and miss their childhood. As a result, I accidentally met many good friends.
One day in the tea room, I heard two completely unfamiliar colleagues chatting about games. It turns out that they belong to the same college as me! Introverted, if I also started talking right away, there is a tendency to become friends both online and offline, which I call Harry Potter socializing.
Poets may praise loneliness, but modern medicine says loneliness is bad for humans.
We may need to abandon some inherent concepts, such as “don’t treat colleagues as friends”, or “how many ordinary friends are not as good as close friends”…
In our life, there are “strongly connected” family members, lovers, and best buddies; there are also “weakly connected” colleagues, classmates, and friends, and so on. Sociologists have found that the “weak ties” in interpersonal communication will bring us a lot of strength, and many opportunities in society also start from weak ties. Therefore, don’t block yourself in a small circle and get out of your comfort zone. Learn more about your own experience.
It is possible that someone you met a week ago or even a second at a friend’s party or in a social setting will lead you to a whole new social universe.
Your life may be two o’clock and one line, starting from home to work in the morning, accustomed to taking the same route, and going to the same restaurant for dinner at noon, especially regular. Such a regular life will encircle you in a circle, the road you have traveled is the same, and the people you have met are the same. Sometimes change your trajectory and you may encounter a whole new network of people.
Fighting against your inner “autofilter”
People often automatically filter who they get along with. When we meet a person, we spend a few seconds judging whether that person is interesting or uninteresting. Such “filters” help us find people who are similar to us, but may also block out new possibilities. You can do a little experiment, find a person in social situations who you seem “not pleasing to the eye” or “the least interesting”, try to chat and get along with each other seriously, and expand your social circle through this exercise.
Remember, making friends is like a snowball.
A colleague invites you to a barbecue after get off work? OK! The big sister you know at the gym invites you to run 5 kilometers in the park with her friends? no problem! A friend of a friend asked you to go to a public lecture? Promise down!
The first person to contact may not be your closest friend, but he may introduce you to someone new, maybe your future friend, or the person who brought you the opportunity.
Find a nonprofit, join it and do something, and you’ll meet people with similar values to yours. Doing things together without a utilitarian purpose strengthens the bond between people.
An adult who wants to make friends needs some way of “trapping” himself and his target group in a space. The most effective way to do this is to pay for classes—yoga, woodworking, karate, rock climbing…anything you’re interested in and haven’t taken before. In short, spend money to meet like-minded people, and you have the opportunity to make friends.
Gillian, a British scholar who studies social psychology, once talked about the “liking distance”, that is, people often think that others do not like us that much. This bias breeds social insecurity, and we simply pass up opportunities for friendship or deepening relationships for fear of embarrassment and connection failure.
But in reality, people may like you more than you think, so take the first step.