Hemisphere Circus

1. Slaughterhouse

  The last summer before returning home at the age of fifteen, I spent a lot of time looking for dogs.
  The dog named “Leo” is a border collie, a large dog, eight and a half years old, the breed is East German black back, round nose neck, dark red coat. The eyes are very interesting. The two pupils are reddish-brown on the other side and dark blue on the other side. The eyeball glass reflects light under the sun, and the colors of sea water and fire are flowing in different colors, as if the gods and demons live in the depths of the frowning brows.
  The German Shepherd was not naturally bred and evolved, but was artificially bred by Prussian scientists. It was fully developed before the First World War, in 1898 AD. In 1898, at the end of the 19th century, the monarchy still existed in its normal form. We all know that the German emperor at that time was William II, while in far away China, the emperor was Qing Emperor Zong Jing, Aixinjue Luo Zaishan, Guangxu, the portrait painting Guangxu that all elementary and middle school students had seen in history textbooks . 1898 was the twenty-fourth spring and autumn of his reign. Pigs and dogs met and suffered internally and externally. That’s right, the year of extraordinary significance in our country’s modern history also happened to be the Year of the Dog. According to the old calendar, the Tiangandizhi fell to the 1st Movement of 1898, which was the Hundred Days Reform and the 1st Reform of the 1st Movement of 1898. In the summer of the Reform Movement of 1898, six young people were decapitated at the city’s Caishikou in Beijing. They were accused of holding untimely ideals together with the young emperor, thinking that they could subvert the world with their own power. From then on, the emperor was also imprisoned by his “mother” in the Hanyuan Hall in Zhongnanhai, facing a waterside where the weeping willows were shining and the platform was deeply locked all year round.
  My German friend does not care about the court history of the Qing Empire, and the history of the Germanic nation’s origins and post-war social studies frequently checked in the school cannot provide her with any effective information related to lost pets. Not only does she dislike history, she seems to have quite resistance to many other lessons attached to the surface of history. I have accompanied her to many rounds of Latin lessons, and many rounds of Latin lessons have many rounds. No matter how she tutored outside class, she never got a passing score on the test paper. During the year when I came to Germany to study and live, whenever we walked past a church or a cemetery in a local town and faced various questions I raised out of cultural interest or research enthusiasm, she only reported to me There was a sloppy silence. This silence is conclusive and profound, and it seems to be traced back to all her immediate family members in the past-her mother worked twice a day, worked as a consultant in an engineering company that demolished pre-war historical buildings in the morning, and collected construction wastewater downstream of the Rhine in the afternoon. She writes long-term reports every night for the water samples at various locations along the tributaries to assure the government and all non-profit organizations that care about the river and the environment: Demolition of old buildings can not only improve the lives of residents, but also affect the environment. Will have a major impact. In her brother’s geography homework, they were asked to mark out every mountain and river on the Asian plains, but they were rarely asked to fill in the various buildings in the area around them. What were the houses of those Jewish communities before the two world wars? The original tower of the old city wall was destroyed by who’s artillery fire? All the questions I asked only met with hesitation and silence in different tones.
  And just now when she asked me where the dog had gone, I began to realize that the person who needed help now was actually me. I shook my head, sighed, rubbed my neck, and looked elsewhere. I really don’t know, I was there just now, Leo.
  Leo is really a good dog, unlike other large breeds that also need to move around in the park to vent their energy. He never sprints, nor does he throw off the reins to put other small dogs on his body. Down. It seldom barked, and it was able to get close to strangers like me very quickly. In the morning, it would climb the stairs to the attic where I lived and licked me up. There were mud-colored footprints all the way behind it; it would stop from time to time when we were walking on the street together in a snowy day, tilting its head sideways. Look at me, so that I can follow its pace without slipping on the icy road. Sometimes when the dog leash is released to let it run, it will not go far. It will look back at us every two or three steps, as if worried that we will turn and leave it. And it is now away from us, disappearing in a place invisible out of sight.
  After asking me repeatedly to no avail, my friend started running around the large supermarket where we were calling out, grabbing everyone to ask about her missing dog. Leo, Leo, they were there just now, they were in the shopping cart just now, you should have seen them, Leo, Leo. Her tone was hysterical, her voice strong and strong, and her continuous shouts and anger passed through all the merchandise aisles, over the mountains of blood sausage, cheese and bear candy. I followed the shouts and found my friend again in the fruit and vegetable area, so I pushed the shopping cart to the corridor where she was.
  In the evening, there will be a barbecue party at home, and many people will come. Originally, we came to the supermarket to buy desserts and drinks. When I went out, my friend suddenly said that the dog hadn’t gone for a drive for a long time, so he opened the back seat door and carried him to the only supermarket in town. This is not the first time we have taken a dog to a supermarket. Leo has always maintained an unusual enthusiasm for this unconventional outing activity. The supermarket trolley can hold its huge body, and most of the time it crouched on the trolley net. Within the grid, he readily receives the praise and attention of pedestrians. It tilts its head sideways, sticks out its tongue, stretches its claws, wags its tail, stretches its body, and moves with performance and demeanor, as if it is in a moving zoo cage. . When it encounters a favorite product, it will suddenly jump out of the cage, its front legs and two claws will be supported by the edge of the shopping cart, and it will make a hissing sound in its mouth.
  There was no one else in the corridor where my friend was, and I felt her eyes penetrate and I looked directly at the row of shelves. The shouts on her mouth gradually diminished, and collapsed into a group of small voices composed of whispers: Those who were clearly in the trolley just now, they have been in the trolley, Leo, Leo. It’s obviously in the trolley, Leo, Leo. The two of us stood opposite each other in the bright fruit and vegetable area, and I saw her tears streaming down little by little, her eyes twinkling. The damp spots of light undulated continuously, pulling into a crisscross web on her face. Facing the shining water net, I hesitated for a moment. Facing the brightly-lit vacuum zone, I began to try to speak words. I kept bowing my head and apologized. I’m sorry, it was all my fault.
  I was looking at the shelf just now. I didn’t pay attention at that time. I’m really sorry, I’m sorry.
  From the time the plane landed at Frankfurt Airport until the end of my study period and I was about to leave Germany, I can’t remember how many sorry I said. I’m very sorry for the trouble. I’m sorry to trouble you. I added countless twists and turns of English adverbs before the few German nouns that I had originally mastered, to decorate my apology solemnly and sincerely. I apologized in class, I apologized in the house where I live with my friend, and apologized in front of all the strangers I encountered on the street. I’m sorry I hindered you from walking in the corridor. I’m sorry I dropped the knife and fork on the floor. I’m really sorry that I spoke too loudly on the phone. I’m really sorry that I soiled your toilet seat. I was there before getting off the plane. Diarrhea, I accidentally ate too much salmon here.
  In the era when large-scale forums and communities, Space Talk and Renren.com’s public homepage were still very popular, everyone seemed to like to quote Osamu Dazai and Tetsuya Nakajima in the personal status bar. Almost every youth in the middle school education stage would In my signature, I said: “I was born as a human being. I am sorry.” I have no sense of belonging to both the Christian original sin and the Japanese national spirit. I must say why I should continue to apologize. I think I should be there. Overseas I have a strong sense of being a Chinese. When I do something stupid, disqualified, or that may violate the local public order, good customs and daily behavior, I will always apologize quickly. At first I said sorry in every subtle occasion that might cause embarrassing silence, and then this silence gradually faded away. After a year of getting along with each other, I gradually forgot this feeling, just when I thought I had enough to cross that one. After the boundary between etiquette and the structure of the country, I now encounter this kind of occasion where there is no language at all other than an apology.