When love is in Hamlet’s dilemma

  Liang Yongan, Associate Professor of the Chinese Department of Fudan University, “Post-50s”, a “Super UP Master” who continuously outputs topics such as love, life, and workplace to young people on station B. In these videos, he dresses plainly and is a little shabby. It seems that he is not so accustomed to facing the camera, but these do not prevent him from continuing to be popular.
  In May 2017, Liang Yongan was invited by “One Seat” to prepare for a public speech. He took it for granted that it was for him to talk about the content of his professional field, “It must be about literature-why do you love literature, what kind of people you meet in literature, and then what interesting things happen.”
  ”But to Shenzhen and each other. When they communicate, it’s not necessarily what they say. You can talk about what you think is the most contradictory or the most anxious or the most anxious thing in the lives of contemporary young people.”
  At that time, he had just finished reading the American sociologist Eric Kerry. The “Single Society” written by Nanberg, coupled with his close observation of young students on campus, resulted in “How do we face love in the golden age of singles”.
  Once the 35-minute speech video was posted on the Internet, the number of hits reached 100,000+, and then climbed all the way in the next few days, eventually reaching 1.2 million. On Weibo and WeChat Moments, the corresponding texts are also forwarded and shared in large numbers. Liang Yongan realized that what he touched was a very common social problem.
  Under the promotion of the partners, he further expanded and refined his thinking and observations, selecting 35 key words such as first love, breaking up, ex, loneliness, and doing the “Mr. Liang’s Love Lesson” series of courses. After the 6 episodes of the first season of “Love Lesson” went live, it continued to occupy a high click-through rate on major cooperative video sites.
  After “Love Lesson” became popular, some leading content companies and video websites came to him to discuss cooperation. At present, Liang Yongan has nearly 600,000 fans on station B, including a large number of “post-95” and “post-00” students from Fudan University, Jiaotong University and other universities, as well as those in their 30s and 40s who have careers. Become an urban white-collar worker who suffers from marriage problems.
  Why is an associate professor in the Chinese Department of the “post-50s” popular among young people? Why does his love class touch so many “post-90s”, “post-00s”, and even middle-aged post-80s ?
Sophora japonica, two big problems

  I met Liang Yongan in a cafe near Fudan University.
  I came with a lot of questions full of tension, urgency, and youthful hormones, and at the same time I had doubts and reservations-do these “young Witte worries” that have plagued generations of young people really have the so-called answer? In the real world, is his love class a cheap bowl of emotional and spiritual chicken soup?
  We talked about the coffee aroma in the early morning, and the rhythm became slow and long. He recalled his childhood in the north. When the Sophora japonica blossoms, the girls got up early in the morning and picked the Sophora japonica flowers and soaked it in the water in a small wooden basin. Then I took a poplar comb dipped in water and combed her hair, combed it one by one, combing for hours—”In fact, she didn’t just comb her hair, but at the beginning of the day, she combed herself up and down, and her whole body and mind.
  ” So it makes sense for some girls in big cities to be quick-tempered. They wake up early in the morning as if they are fighting. There is no such thing as a leisurely mind.” He said. In such a modern life full of tension, how can one have a good relationship?
  In fact, when one of my girlfriend Andy accidentally learned that I was going to Fudan to interview Liang Yongan, he chased me for several days and asked-what question are you going to ask him? What did you talk about afterwards? How did Teacher Liang answer…
  Andy, who is over 30, graduated from the top three business school EMBA classes in North America. She has been promoted to the career ceiling as a female employee in a well-known multinational company. She is currently planning to quit. Hold three offers, including an Internet giant that is in the midst of a boom, and an opportunity to work in North America. In the working condition that took up nearly two-thirds of the year on business trips, she also worked hard to exercise, beautify, and take piano, painting, ballet, baking and other self-improving classes.
  On the other hand, she is single, living alone in a 120-square-meter house in the city center, worrying about finding Mr. Right. She had two romances, one was the first love that lasted for ten years since she was a student, and the other was a transnational love while studying abroad. In the eyes of the girlfriends who witnessed her love story, the two male protagonists are all “scumbags”.
  I have not had time to tell her: Liang Yongan and I talked about “scumbags”, “scumbags”, internal friction, native family, intimacy and the ability to love, as well as how young people today complete the two major issues-find One or two things you like and have value, and find the person you really like.
Novels, movies, Hamlet’s dilemma

  Novels and movies are Liang Yongan’s tools for raising and responding to the love issues of this era.
  This is based on two considerations: one is to avoid offending privacy on public platforms-in decades of life experience, this bystander of life has accumulated countless life stories and scripts, and more importantly, those histories Excellent and even great works of art such as novels, movies, dramas, etc., often reveal the social problems of that era and the inner spiritual and emotional dilemmas of people.

“Titanic” (1997)

  The French novel “Madame Bovary”, completed in the 1850s, was born in an era when women’s desires unfolded; “Little Women”, which appeared in the pioneering period of the United States, showed women’s life choices at that time. In the modern love model represented by “Jane Eyre”, the spiritual dialogue between people is clearly proposed for the first time.
  In Liang Yongan’s view, what young people in Chinese society are encountering today is the Hamlet-style dilemma—the collision and conflict between the individual and the unfolding complex world.
  ”Because Hamlet appeared as an independent thinking person. In the past, ancient Greek tragedies like “Oedipus” were all about the conflict between the will of the hero and the god. Eventually the tragedy was opened and the hero bore his own destruction. But In the play of “Hamlet”, the ghost came out from the beginning and said that he was murdered, but Hamlet still had to go through his own rational judgments, including rehearsing the murder scene, testing the reactions of the parties, and constantly thinking. : Why does this happen, how to act, and how to understand people.”
  ”Hamlet is very hesitant and looks very weak. He always has an asymmetry problem as an individual and the world. This is especially true for today’s youth, because Your previous generation has just emerged from the agricultural society, and has not passed you on the experience of dealing with this diversity and absurdity. The previous logic of’planting melons to get melons, sowing beans to get peas’ is no longer able to catch it. ”

So what then?

  Now Liang Yongan is an out-and-out Internet celebrity-level “love mentor”, even though he doesn’t like this title.
  After “Love Lesson” became popular, some leading content companies and video websites came to cooperate with him. Several publishing houses and booksellers almost “fighted” in order to grab the manuscripts. Recently, he has also been invited to be an “observer” in emotional and marriage-related online reality shows-in the “Summer of the Eaves” and “90 Dating Agency” at station B.
  On Zhihu, a netizen was answering how to see more and more university professors becoming popular on the Internet. Taking Liang Yongan and another B-station UP host with a university background as an example, they believed that these savvy people went to the public perspective, “can do very widely We can provide our own professional knowledge on group issues, and we can also be a tree hole for young people through the screen.” “They who specialize in the art industry will have more trust in our hearts than ordinary people.”
  ”Post-00s” Fudan Girls Xiao Yan and Xiao Qi are one of Liang Yongan’s 600,000 fans. They are currently in their senior year and are about to graduate. After class, they often go to station B to scan him on topics such as love, public examination, work, etc., hoping to get some nutrients to help them solve the puzzles in life.
  ”I think he can unearth a lot of things from literary works, including movies, that inspired me to deal with seemingly negative things. Although there may be a sense of floating like’I understand the truth,’ at least this is also a kind of comfort. , It can stabilize my mentality.” Xiao Yan said, and then added: This kind of comfort and influence is more in the aesthetic sense, “When facing the reality, it may not be useful.”
  And Zheng Zheng Xiao Qi, a media intern, has doubts about Liang Yongan’s way of using literature and movies to provide advice to real life. She is also a fan of Shen Yifei, another Fudan sociology scholar who became popular on the Internet due to dating issues. .
  ”For example, “Pride and Prejudice” only writes that Dasi and Elizabeth are together, but what about later life, for example, will there be key differences caused by family origin? There can be an ending in a literary story, but life is more complicated.” She Discuss with friends on WeChat.
  In the interview, Liang Yongan explained the importance of spiritual resonance and common ideals in love, using the plot in the movie “Road to Revolution” and the dialogue between the protagonists several times. This film tells how two young Bohemian youths, April and Frank, met, collided and fell in love after World War II. “If you are a couple, I think two people must ask each other the question April asked Frank-what do you want to do? What is the ideal life you expect?” He emphasized.
  However, the movie took a turn for the worse in the second half, and the two became increasingly separated and lost communication in the subsequent middle-class marriage in the suburbs. Frank wasted his mind in the mediocre and boring work and needed to rely on derailment to find excitement in life; while April, who was trapped at home, was depressed and suffering from the ineffective communication and the infidelity of his lover. In order to save the marriage, April proposed to fulfill the common dream of the two people-moving the family to Paris. In the end, Frank chose to stay for a promotion opportunity, and April died in a self-abortion.
  Director Sam Mendes, who won an Oscar for directing “American Beauty”, did not give any bright colors as always. At the end of the film, the deaf old man next door who has witnessed all these tragedies ripped off his hearing aid when facing his wife who was talking about all this.
  Intriguingly, the two starring roles of April and Frank are the two leading actors of the most-grossing romantic blockbuster “Titanic”: Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. A movie enthusiast sharply commented: If Jack hadn’t died in a shipwreck, this would be a true portrayal of Jack and Rose ten years after their marriage.
  When I meet again next time, I decided to chat with Andy and Liang Yongan about these three movies.
  People: People’s Weekly Liang: Liang Yongan
“In this place of love, we may need to break a lot of things”

  People: The confrontation between the two sexes seems to be getting more and more fierce. In cyberspace, we often see confrontation between the two sexes. Men scold women as “boxers” and women scold men as “straight male cancer” and “puxin male”. “and many more.
  Liang: It’s a pity. The critics are all excellent men and women. But why are there so many women who feel unwell now? In traditional society, there are few women like Li Qingzhao. Most of them stay at home and do housework, and they exist as part of a patriarchal society. Up to now, there are a large number of women who have received university education and postgraduate education. Among the 10 million college students who enroll every year, half of them are girls. However, girls usually still want to find a stronger male. The proportion of stronger males is not enlarged. Then what do you do if you say that girls are such a large group of outstanding men?
  There are more and more so-called A women. She doesn’t want to wrong herself, and at the same time, she is more and more independent, and she doesn’t want to let herself go. Of course, I have also seen the general, the difference between the two people. With the development of society, how should this high-quality woman respond? In such a transitional society, there are a lot of intertwined and traditional huge pressures, which make women feel more at a loss, especially difficult to deal with. The change and separation of women from traditional roles of course also made men feel a great sense of insecurity. Looking at it conversely, women can also enlarge their range of choices. Because there is not only a match between people in terms of academic qualifications, income, and social status (matching), but also other aspects. In this place of love, we may need to break a lot of things.
  People: I know many women who are outstanding in all aspects. They think that relationship is a high-risk thing, and there is a lot of uncertainty in it. If you run into a “scumbag”, it will be very hurt. In this era, the high risk of love may be even greater than that of individual entrepreneurship.
  Liang: This is because our young people today are underdeveloped in modernity, and their understanding of love is still insufficient. They think that love is a gain or loss, and it is measured by realization or failure.
  In fact, love is a very subjective thing. I think love is like mining, it’s like a coal seam 300 meters underground, and then you go to dig, so you have to show your 100% trust and enthusiasm, instead of looking at how the other person is invested. You have to trust 100%, which is truly called love. Maybe the other party did not arrive after love, and then stopped after digging to 150 meters. This so-called “coal” is not the result of the other party, but that there is something really burning deep in my heart.

  My philosophy is that love is a process. It is not about the result. I am afraid that you will care about the result, and then you will not even love. There are discounts on the road, and a large part of it is retained in your heart. It seems that I put down the “scumbag” easily, but it actually means that I haven’t loved it, because there are discounts in the process, and I think those who really love 100% will not call their ex a “scumbag.” “Scum Girl”. Because I loved him/her, I have no regrets at this stage of my life.
  Moreover, for our young people today, under the current historical conditions, you cannot guarantee how certain a person can make a good relationship. Why? Our reality today is the reality of change. A person may be like this when he is undergraduate. When he is in graduate school, his world of consciousness may be enlarged. Because our society has changed so much, he may be exposed to more social aspects. He found that many of the things he had seen were illusions and wanted to change, but he was indeed living sincerely. It’s totally different from the previous agricultural society, where people are the same. Today’s people are changing.
  If because of this, you are suffering from gains and losses, and it is impossible to fall in love in this life. That’s why love is like faith. It is not a rational behavior. Rational behavior must have a strong logic, but love is not.
  Person: So, to have the ability to negotiate a good relationship, the first thing is to complete the growth of your own personality?
  Liang: In this sense, love is not something that everyone is born with. He does want a person’s personality and spirit to develop to a certain stage. At what stage?
  Of course, it has natural attributes, but on the other hand, to a large extent, people are born twice, the first time your parents gave birth to you, and the body came into this world. The second time is the birth of the spirit, and then in the world have their own judgments and identify their own values. During this process, there will be love issues. With whom you want to live with in your own life, and then to pursue something together, you must first understand or have this awareness to a certain extent, and then you will have the spirit and spirit with another person. Feelings or value encounters.
  In fact, many people today do not have a “second birth” at all. They just follow the trend and do whatever is popular in society, just wanting to do better. For example, if the mainstream pursues being a social elite, then I will follow suit, but I have to work harder, but I didn’t expect that I could have another way of living, and the world may have other values.
  The true modern love begins with “Jane Eyre”, that is, a person’s spirit has an object, a dialogue between spirit and spirit. I think many people don’t think about this problem at all. In fact, this is Nietzsche’s influence on me. Nietzsche insisted that his god is dead, and that man is his own God and must be created by himself. Lu Xun was also deeply influenced by him. This is very demanding for people. You have to endure loneliness, absurdity, and all kinds of external doubts. In this process, you may meet people who empathize with you and who can help each other in these areas with you. If you fail to pass this level, you will not be called youth, and it will be difficult to have a spiritual “second birth.”
  People: What do you think of the impact of the original family on people? A considerable number of young people believe that because of the injury of their native family, they are unable to enter and maintain an intimate relationship. On Douban, there is a group called “Parents Are Harmful”.
  Liang: There are a lot of these themes in Western literature. In China, the situation is even more special, because the previous generation of the “post-90s” was a fission generation, just in the historical period when the agricultural society ended and the large-scale industrial society was built, and this process was accompanied by the belt of globalization. Many new factors have come. Therefore, a generation of drifting and fission has occurred, which is tantamount to a person’s original life foundation split, and a life must be rebuilt.
  The child coming out of this family may not understand the social history behind this. He will have a sense of life broken, and on the surface it seems to be very calm and stable. But deep down, in his childhood or adolescence, he lacked the kind of strong warmth that traditional family affection gave.
  From an emotional point of view, it is not easy for these parents. I have a student. Before he went to study abroad, his parents came to Shanghai and asked us to eat in a good restaurant with a good atmosphere. In another year, he returned to China to visit relatives, and passed by Shanghai to see me and told me that his parents had divorced. They are actually leaving long ago, just waiting for their children to graduate. I remembered the scene when everyone was eating together, but I didn’t see it at all. When we grow up and look back, we may gradually understand that it is not easy for the generation of parents. I think it is necessary to have the most basic understanding: the previous generation has put all their efforts into the good life they envisioned.
  People: A person’s ability to fall in love and live, including reconciliation with the previous generation, is in the final analysis related to the “second birth” in the spiritual sense?
  Liang: So there is a saying in social psychology that a young person must gradually get to know the world; secondly, a person must know himself and know that he is an independent individual with many defects. I think many people do not regard themselves as having many flaws in their settings. They always feel that the problems are other people’s and keep complaining about the environment. You must realize that you also have many flaws, because you have been growing in a certain dimension in the past, and you must be missing a lot of things. The third point is that it is necessary to understand life. This world is not just you living, all sentient beings in the whole world are living, so love life, understand life, and realize that life in the whole world has commonalities and differences.
  I know many very good young people, men and women, especially women. They have a particularly strong sense of discomfort and think that society is particularly unfriendly to women, and their own profession and vision are very good in all aspects. I also admit that they are indeed in a difficult situation. But on the other hand, I also want to say that you have to fully realize that you are full of defects, not just the external environment or how the current society cannot meet certain expectations of yourself. After all, human society and its development history cannot be completely changed by a single person subjectively. In addition, our own understanding of society may also have many misunderstandings