Longing for love but unable to fall in love with anyone, wanting to be warm but not daring to be close to others How to break “love incompetence”

  ”I don’t appreciate men when I meet them, even handsome guys can’t feel the willingness to associate…” There are many people who long for love but can’t like others, long for warmth but are afraid to enter relationships, so they can only chase stars or become obsessed with virtual figure. Why don’t they dare to establish intimacy?
  ”I don’t appreciate men when I meet them. Even handsome guys don’t feel the willingness to associate, and don’t know what went wrong…” There are many people who long for love but can’t like others, long for warmth but are afraid to enter the relationship, so they only Be able to chase stars or become obsessed with virtual characters.
   In fact, behind the fear of entering an intimate relationship, it is often because of deep trauma that you don’t even understand. If these wounds never heal, it will always be difficult to establish an intimate relationship.
  Can not establish an intimate relationship is behind raising the environmental impact
   when Dan (pseudonym) first met, I (Sui macro, national secondary counselors) do not see she was a 35-year-old woman. She speaks quickly and looks very young and lively, attractive. But no one can think of such a person, behind him is unfathomable loneliness and loneliness.
   Xiaodan said that he did not like to talk to friends about the annoying things, and worried that others would not like to listen; occasionally talked with his mother, but was afraid that her mother was worried; his father was grumpy, unreasonable, and difficult to communicate; he was single for many years, and he was used to it. Less communication with people, feeling that the ability to express has diminished…
   It turns out that Xiaodan did not get the understanding and love of his parents since he was a child. What he experienced was the weak family affection and the helplessness that he wanted to be cared for but had no choice, and his heart was full of fear of being abandoned. feel.
   For a long time, Xiao Dan’s mother has been in a position of weak presence, while his father is strong and harsh and daunting. When Xiaodan was bullied by classmates at school, his mother always said, “One slap can’t make a sound”; the English test was the first place, but his father said, “If you don’t go to the remedial class, you can take the first place”? And his father never let Xiaodan play with his classmates.
  In such a nurturing environment, Xiao Dan dare not believe anyone, let alone rely on others. She often said that this is true for parents who are related by blood, let alone other people? Therefore, for so many years, she has been avoiding herself from being involved in intimate relationships. Whether it is a close friend or a close lover, it is missing in her life.
  Unhealthy family of origin, will have far-reaching destructive
   really affect the core Dan unable to establish close relationships with others, it is from early family relationships neglect, which is a kind of unimaginable pain. An unhealthy native family can bring far-reaching destructive power to a person.
   I can’t understand what it means to love the world. There are no parents who don’t love their children, but some parents violently confront their children emotionally and physically in the name of loving their children, causing their children to not understand what love is when they grow up.
   The roles of parents and children are reversed. In life, we often say that a child is like a young adult, sensible, obedient, and considerate. In fact, this child has to learn to watch his words and colors, and continue to meet the needs of his parents. This kind of transfer of the responsibilities that parents should have to the children is the role inversion, so that the grown-up children do not know their needs and dare not fight for their rights.
   Repeated behavior patterns in life. A person’s early ideas, rules, feelings, and behaviors are all inherited from their parents. The relationship between us and our parents is the basis for us to interact and build relationships with others as adults. If parents cannot fully respect their children’s rights and freedoms, and cannot give their children emotional comfort, they will treat others in the same way when they grow up. This is why it is difficult to heal the injuries suffered in the native family by one’s own efforts alone.
  How do they dare to hate Ganai
   injuries in the relationship, only it can heal the relationship.
   Listen and accompany you to regain your inner strength. Every time you start a consultation, Xiaodan will say that there is nothing wrong with it, and it seems that her affairs are not important. At this time, I will tell her: “Every word you say is important to me.” So, Xiaodan said more and more, dissatisfied with the company’s leaders, weak and helpless, longing when being bullied by colleagues The need for support and warmth… She began to face her emotional needs and express her emotions directly.
   Develop a lasting and reliable relationship. In a consultation session, when Xiaodan talked about the relationship with me, she still felt that she had nothing to do with me. I told her firmly: “Counseling relationship is another form of intimacy. Although our relationship can only be in the counseling room, I want you to know that I care about you and care about you. When I see you sad I will be sad, and I will be happy for you when you are happy.” Xiaodan began to cry. At that moment, she finally felt accepted and felt that she was worthy of being loved.
   Backed by a reliable relationship, dare to love and hate. Only with attention and understanding can you gradually build trust in others, and ultimately recover the power of inner love. Xiao Dan said, now that I see someone I like, I dare to confess it boldly.