On the small road leading to the school, there is a bus stop that must pass. That was a very crowded platform, because of the noise and crowding all day long, the mottled walls were exposed on the column walls. The crowd shuttled in the crowd, but people often lost the speed of passing because they were too eager. There is always a moment when the platform is like slow motion in a movie, everyone is jammed there, waiting anxiously.
I remember that I felt the touch, touch and rubbing of my hands during the third waiting.
I saw those hands, they were a pair of delicate boy’s hands. During the third waiting, I found that his touching was not just because of crowding, it seemed more like deliberate, the hands resting on a certain part of my body, it was a simple passing feeling at first, but crowded. The crowd seemed to give the hands full courage. He pretended to be stuck in a certain part of my body by the crowd, and then he was a little brazen. I looked back from the crowd and stared at him desperately in the narrow gap. I stared at his eyes with biting temperature, and the boy stared at me as well. My breathing speeded up, my heartbeat speeded up, I was afraid of making my body tremble, but I couldn’t move a step under my feet, in this damned crowd with no vacancies.
How many minutes did that period last? I can’t remember. The moment the car arrived, the crowd suddenly disappeared. I looked at the vaguely distant back, and he ran away quickly. I didn’t tell anyone about this. I was only thirteen years old at that time. God knows why such a blasphemy chose me? Now, I finally know that maybe it is because of a kind of weakness in my body, that is a kind of “weak attraction”, like a soft blooming flower is easier to pick than a thorny rose. At that time, I alone told Ophea about this matter. Perhaps it is because I have witnessed the changes that have taken place since she was 13 years old. I mean I have witnessed Ophea’s waving palms leaving a fiery red mark on the face of a fat boy. I told her about it alone, my Ophea.
I still remember it was a gloomy morning, Ophia told me she was going to help me solve him.
Ophia told me that I didn’t need to tell a third person about this. When Ophea said this to me, she pressed one leg on the stool in front of me, her hands arrogantly put her back behind her, I looked at the confidence flashing in her dark eyes, that kind of light made me envious. That kind of light made her stronger in an instant in front of me, and that kind of stronger than me seemed to be only seen on the faces of the Sailor Moon madly whirling at the devil on the TV. I remember Ophea wearing a tall ponytail when she said these things to me, her thick black hair circling in the air and throwing a refreshing and sharp wind. Even the lips that she raised because of saying this are very beautiful, with a wildness of ignorance.
Ophea said she wanted to help me solve him. She stipulated that I didn’t need to speak when standing beside her, and I would never cry or show any fear. I obeyed her arrangement, and we were like two magic warriors rushing through the crowd. We passed the thick crowd, and we approached him step by step…Ophea, if it weren’t for my Ophea, I wouldn’t be able to stand it anymore. I faintly felt the desire for toes and the desire for retreat. Ophea didn’t hold my hand, she just hit me hard with her shoulder, and when I focused again, I saw the vague figure quietly retreating. A bus entered the stop at this moment, and the crowd suddenly evacuated, and Ophea had room to move freely. I saw Ophea’s fingers draw a perfect curve in the air, but I heard the sound of the boy running before I could appreciate it. In the flowing crowd, the back of the boy ran away and folded like Ophea’s reindeer. Between her legs…Ophea seemed to have forgotten my existence, she was more like a victor chasing after the poor. I looked at the back of the boy who disappeared from my sight. He was about the same age as me and Ophea.
”It’s not terrible, oh, this hell world.” Ophea insisted on saying that. When I was at a loss for the darkness, she always had to add “this hell world”, it didn’t sound like It’s like a 13-year-old girl said it, but I think it’s a good match for her, and a brave Ophea. I know that at that time, except for me, few cowardly children dared to approach Ophia, especially girls. Ophea became the girl with the fastest decline in grades in the class. She also started to use a word with magical power-depravity, God knows whether she understood this word at all. But I really experienced outrageous happiness around my Ophea, and we said that it was almost a shameful pleasure.
My body is tightly pressed against the glass, just stick there and stretch my body. Just like a person who has nothing to do, I don’t need to have an idea, I don’t need to know what I’m doing, just stop there. I am only responsible for attracting the attention of the stall owner while keeping other insignificant guys from being attracted, just to continue their insignificant existence. This matter seems a bit difficult to the adults, but we don’t feel it at all. I just need to scan Ophea with my left eye, and once she succeeds, I will end the performance contentedly. Then, I secretly secreted my inner expectation, separated a distance behind Ophea, but did not deliberately or pretentiously, and we walked away graciously and generously. Yes, that’s it. This is our almost perfect cooperation. At the age of thirteen, I followed Ophea to successfully complete countless thefts, just like playing a game. Ophea never used such embarrassing words as “steal”, she only told me that we “passed smoothly”. Perfect self-confidence gleamed in her dark and clear eyes. At that time, my Ophea was not afraid to break the “rules.” The world is just a game, and Ophea is simply a game genius, she is even too fierce.
But you don’t have to be afraid of Ophea at all. Like me, she is just a 13-year-old girl. Like many girls of this age, even if they are fierce, they have a taste of youth. The smell reminds me that apart from the heartbeat, it feels a little distressed. My Ophea, she always shed tears when she goes to the bathroom. I have never told anyone about this. This is Ophea’s secret and I, just like we never talk about that bad palm boy to others. In public restrooms, girls are always reluctant to go to the toilet in opposite positions, as if that is the greatest kind of voyeurism. Women’s voyeurism on women has nothing to do with desire, but more of stealing jealousy. And I can face Ophea, and we allow each other to appreciate the secret process. I saw Ophea’s tears pouring like water splashes, and her bright and hot eyes were flowing with crystal clear and playful water.
At some stage at the age of thirteen, I admitted that I had a fascination with Orphea. Even after many years, my girlfriend will always take the shadow of Ophea. My Ophea, she is my mentor of emotional initiation. She enriched the secret veins of my nerves and stretched my capillaries. She made me understand that besides my relatives, there is actually some kind of “relationship” in this world, which makes me love so much and don’t give up. I suddenly felt that I had grown up. Ophea and I started to try together. When many children were still children, they no longer just wore the school uniforms that could not distinguish between boys and girls. Many times, we risked being criticized by adding a pleated skirt to the plump school uniform pants; sometimes, we pin a weird yellow smiling face brooch to the blue-green top. Under the sun, the yellow smiley face was especially bright. On a few occasions, we used this smiley face to dangle the eyes of teachers who wanted to criticize us, and also used it to dazzle boys who seem to be interested in us.
At some stage at the age of thirteen, the school began to diffuse the breath of puppet love. What makes me puzzled is that all boys are obsessed with bad girls? They are all fascinated by Ophea. They would rather give the “speeding car” to Ophea to ride, but they run behind Ophea like a bunch of madmen or fools. They chased Ophea desperately, sweat drenching pictures on the hot shirt. And Ophea’s bicycle took me alone, I mean, before that incident, Ophea’s bicycle took me alone.
Ophea is in love. My Ophea is in love with the boy who has been my favorite for a long time. In the summer of thirteen, I saw him running with Ophia in the enviable eyes of a group of boys. I know that it is because of Ophea that he is envied by more boys. Holding Ophia was a sign of maturity recognized by many boys at that time. Less than a week after that, Ophea told me mysteriously that she was going to the cinema with him to watch the hit “Titanic”. Ophea told me that this was the first time she went to the cinema with a boy. Watching a movie, her eyes were shining. This bad girl, who looks so fierce and terrifying to all girls, is looking forward to “Titanic” with such innocence.
A sudden sadness lingered in my heart. I swear it was never because of the boy-although I was really fascinated by his handsomeness, at that moment, I was sad only because of Ophea. Ophia’s bicycle started to no longer belong to me alone. I saw the boy jump up in full view, his arm turned around Ophia’s waist, and it was locked there again like a chain. There are always many boys chasing and shouting around them. And I started to dodge, I stood outside the crowd watching them. Ophia’s thick black hair formed a bunch of ponytails, dancing as the bike moved, sometimes sweeping across his face. I heard Ophea’s laugh, which was brilliant in the afterglow of the setting sun. How I wish my Ophea could be so happy, I really hope she can always be so happy.
Ophea told me that the movie ticket was for Saturday evening. In order to avoid the adult’s exploration, she also prepared one for me. She hoped that I would not refuse. With big bright eyes shining, Ophea handed the ticket with the title to my hand. My Ophea couldn’t even control the inner ecstasy and kissed my forehead lightly. I accepted Ophea’s invitation. Of course I will not refuse, and I have no reason not to appear where she needs me. However, there is a huge gap between my picture and Ophea’s seat.
Saturday, 7pm, Times Cinema. Ophea didn’t make an appointment with me, and I sat down in the dark by myself that night. The laughter sounded like a noisy tweet nearly one-third of the time the movie was performed. But my eyes scanned their positions countless times during the filming process. The laughter should be the voice of the boys, and I heard a strange whistle from there. There were not many people in the cinema that night. This over-popular movie had been in theaters for more than a week and was about to go offline. A large part of the seats in the cinema were empty. I heard the weird laughter of the boys, and they seemed to be booing. Then, I vaguely heard her moaning like weeping, and I heard her—calling out my name. In the darkness, I stood up and walked across the corridor, clenching my fists, standing in front of them. “Let go of Ophea!” I tried to keep my voice steady, “Otherwise, I will shout.” I have secret power in the dark.
And those boys seem to have lost interest in this game. I saw his finger squeeze hard against Ophia’s unbuttoned collar, then he got up and slammed past me abruptly. The boys exited collectively, their mocking laughter flowing in the darkness. I took Ophea into my arms, I wrapped her arms tightly around her, I was sad and weeping Ophea. The bad boy and all the bad boys left with a mocking and triumphant smile. I couldn’t put a scar on his face with a waving palm like Ophea. I hugged Ophea and tried my best. I felt her trembling in my arms, and warm tears fell from her cheeks, one after another on my skin. No one knows that in the dark theater that day, my desecrated and ridiculed Ophea, and the tearful Ophea, slumped like a wounded cat in my arms.
That night, I dreamed that Ophea and I had landed on an isolated island. The island was surrounded by turbulent waters and complicated branches of trees spread across the island. Ophea and I stood among the cold gravel, the vines of the wildly growing trees stretched towards us, and then we were separated, rolled up, and pulled away… My heart hurt like a knife cut. I shouted desperately, but I was getting further and further away from Ophea, shouting exhausted all my strength. However, as we were rising with fear, the sea around the island suddenly possessed a mysterious and magnificent color. The beauty was beyond words. The reflection of the mysterious starry sky in the halo of brilliant waves and various colors. Shaped shells, jellyfish, phytoplankton ups and downs on the sea… It’s just that I suddenly forgot Ophia’s face. Her face was like a ripple in the sea, spreading out, and I suddenly couldn’t remember her appearance. I have insomnia.
The last month when I was thirteen, it seemed as if all my memories of Ophea had stopped there. Now, I can still simply tell you the whole story, just for the money. My Ophea missed me and hit me. I said that apart from me, there is no good girl who dared to be with Ophia, if I were still a good girl. I don’t need to explain to anyone why Ophea needs money, I don’t need to tell anyone this. In that crowd of people, Ophea was always the leader. No matter how taller and ferocious men or women appeared, I knew that Ophea had the ability to protect herself. She should just miss me. At that time, there were several other girls who passed through the alley with me, some of them I knew, some I didn’t. Flipping their schoolbags and searching for their pockets, they looked at Ophea timidly. They handed the scraps of banknotes they saved to Ophea’s hand, and I saw them almost panicked in fear. And I, standing opposite Ophia, I closed my free eyes to Ophia’s face, I looked at Ophia, my Ophia with unimaginable calmness.
”I have no money to give you.” I just whispered. I did not make any seeking action.
Ophia’s palm was raised after I said that. At that time, there were a few hideous girls standing beside Ophea, and I couldn’t even call them by name. I did not deceive Ophia, I did not bring money that day. I deceived Ophea. Even if I didn’t bring any money, my schoolbag often contained the coin purse that Ophea had seen countless times. It was stolen to me by Ophea, a black heart-shaped coin purse with an exaggerated colored penguin painted on it. Ophea didn’t speak to me anymore, and her raised palm fell on my face after a few seconds. That was the first time Ophea missed in the action, and it was also the first time she missed me.
It was Ophea who let me taste her least temperature. At the last moments when I am about to say goodbye to my thirteen-year-old. After that, Ophea and I deliberately created isolation, artificially erected icy boundary monuments, and no longer allowed each other to step into our respective corners… At that time, Ophea and I were no longer in the same class, but we still In the same middle school, I forgot to mention that at the special age of thirteen, we were promoted to middle school. Ophea and I were separated in this way, and our youth has been painted with clear and distinct symbols since then. If Ophea hadn’t forgotten, the palm of her hand that fell on my face that day landed heavily and left gently.
After a long period of time, Ophea’s figure always appeared in my dreams. In my dreams, time and space were cut boldly and recklessly and collaged carefully. There is a huge contrast between many things in dreams and everything in reality. I dreamed that the palm of Ophea raised to me was held back by the big white feathered bird with its curved and deep beak, many times. The picture cuts through Ophea’s back again, it is the back of her walking in the bleak sunlight that early winter afternoon. Ophea appeared in that winter figure, and later ran into my dream countless times. I kept repairing the scene: I shouted, I stretched out my arms, and my tears hovered in my eye sockets… Ophea, Ophea who makes me poor and distressed.
Ophea, who was not defeated by any sanctions and morality, was forced to end the game. I vaguely remember that the day she left the public school, heavy snow filled the entire campus. Ophea left in full view. I stood on the tall teaching building and looked at her. On my fourteenth birthday, my Ophea left the public school and was sent to a private middle school. At the school morning meeting that day, the principal secretly secreted the name of the informant and listed Ophea’s “crimes”. My Ophea, she moved in arrogant and self-reliant steps, she showed a crazy and weird smile, she was suspicious, and she wore tears of sorrow. I saw her lonely figure shrinking continuously in the dance of snow. I saw her looking back, with a dazed question.
Ophia left me just like that. For a long time, Ophea’s lonely figure in the snow and her puzzled eyes looked behind me. Many times I wanted to shout, and wanted to tell Ophea that I really never betrayed her—games and even life to me are not as real as the two of us cuddling each other.
One day, I received a message from an unfamiliar number. She said, she still remembers me, and tried to find me for many years… It’s like I’m telling Ophea, to myself in another time and space: “I still remember her. I have been trying to find me for many years. I tried to find her, and I really hope to hug her again…”