Stepmother

 From the time I can remember, our family lived in this small fishing village.
  His father is 1.8 meters tall, and his words and demeanor reveal his literary temperament. Every time my father came back from fishing, he would drink alone. That kind of cheap and inferior liquor, he would get drunk every time. I often hear him sigh heavily, as if he has some serious concerns.
  My father only had me when he was 30 years old. When I was 6 years old, my stepmother was 23 years old. In this way, the father is 13 years older than the stepmother. If the stepmother is my biological mother, it is that she gave birth to me when she was 17. I think this is impossible. Therefore, I have always believed in what my father said that she is not my real mother. But why did my father tell me this should be kept secret?
  My stepmother’s name is Liu Vanilla, and my father always calls her vanilla, which makes me feel bored and disdainful. The stepmother is young and beautiful, tall and tall, with a face with melon seeds, and her skin is white, tender and delicate. Unlike the women in other fishermen’s houses in the village, her skin is dry and rough. But her beauty did not make me feel good about her. In my eyes, she is vulgar and harsh, even cruel to me. I never call her grandma, only her aunt. I instinctively resisted her and deliberately acted against her will. She said east, I deliberately went west, so she would often be beaten by her. Stubborn I still go my own way. I hate her a bit, and the reason I hate her is that she never stopped her father from drinking, even though his father was often drunk, and every time his father came back from fishing, she would cook two or three kinds of food for drinking. The next day, the stepmother will get up early, prepare the meal, and after breakfast, she will go drying her fishing nets. When her father went to sea, she weaves fishing nets. On weekdays, she always cleans up the house. In all fairness, she is industrious, but I can’t mention a good impression of her.
  As for my father, he is a poor man in my heart. As long as the father is at home, he can hear the stepmother calling his father to do this and that. The father always kept silent, silently obeying the steps of his stepmother, as if resignedly. My mother must be more beautiful than her stepmother, at least she has a kind and kind face, right?
  two
  When I was 14 years old, an incident overturned my view of my stepmother.
  In the first few days, I always felt exhausted and weak. Later, I felt vomiting and fever, and I couldn’t eat any more food. I barely ate a little bit of rice in my stomach and immediately vomited up. I was extremely uncomfortable. I visited a small clinic in a town not far from the village a few times, but my condition never got better, and it got worse. I feel like I’m dying.
  One night, I was lying on the bed feebly, and dumbly heard my father and stepmother whispering about taking me to the Shanghai Grand Hospital. They spoke very quietly, and I couldn’t hear what they said before, but I could hear the heavy sighs of my father coming from time to time. Later, I suddenly heard my stepmother pat the table with a “slap”, and her voice rose: “Don’t think about anything. It’s just smashing the pot and selling iron. Even if I sell blood, I will treat Agen!”
  … Later, I fell asleep vaguely.
  Faced with a poor family situation, I don’t know how my father and stepmother borrowed money to take me to Shanghai for treatment. It’s really rainy and rainy! After investigation, I am suffering from uremia!
  In the days when I was hospitalized, the pain of chemotherapy and the high cost of treatment made me want to give up treatment. The stepmother became very gentle. She often sat on the side of my hospital bed for a long time, tucking the quilt for me from time to time. Sometimes, I will see her jealous. She must have cried secretly. Is it my serious condition that made my stepmother kind and loving? I think.
  The stepmother is obviously thinner, the corners of her eyes are beginning to have fine wrinkles, and her complexion is no longer delicate and white and becomes yellowish. At that time, his father had already gone back, and he wanted to continue fishing. Only my stepmother stayed in a strange Shanghai to look after me. I was too weak to take care of myself, she took the trouble to serve me tea, feed me, and help me scrub. This made the 14-year-old me feel embarrassed and ashamed, but there was nothing I could do.
  Uremia requires a kidney transplant. Where to find a matching kidney? Even if there is, the huge medical expenses are simply astronomical for a family like ours. (Later I heard the doctor warned her stepmother during the rounds that she should not always sell blood, which would break her body. I only knew her. I have been secretly selling blood to raise medical bills). I think about it, no more treatment, I want to go back! I don’t want to drag down my father, nor do I want to drag down my stepmother who has been serving me for more than three months.
  I became lethargic, tired, headaches, dizziness, insomnia, lethargy, irritability… I knew that one day I would leave this world… It
  was a sunny day when I woke up. The morning sun was shining through the glass windows of the ward, a little dazzling. The father was sitting on the stool on the left side of the bed. Seeing me awake, there was some joy in my father’s eyes. I saw bloodshot eyes in his eyes. My father is much older, with a lot of white hair mixed in his messy hair. In my mind, my father has no gray hair.
  In the next few days, I didn’t see my stepmother. I wanted to ask several times, but I couldn’t help it. I started to miss her a little. Finally, I couldn’t help but ask my father. My father told me that she was in another ward and my stepmother used her kidney to replace it with me. I can’t believe what my father said, and I don’t want to believe what my father said. I don’t know, is there still a bit of prejudice and a little bit of resentment towards my stepmother in the depths of my thoughts?
  Anyway, I still want to wait for me to get better and see my stepmother when I can get out of bed and walk around.
  However, before I went to see her, she first walked into my ward to see me. She crouched and walked over with some difficulty. I saw her face was a little swollen, and there were crystal tears in her eyes. She looked at me with greed and eagerness.
  At that moment, tears filled my eyes involuntarily, but I controlled it and didn’t let it flow out.
  Three
  since gone through this illness, I felt all of a sudden grown up a lot. Because I had lost a lot of homework, I dropped out of school on my own terms.
  When I was 16 years old, I decided to leave this poor little fishing village and venture outside. Chuang was my only ideal at the time, and it was also the only way out for me.
  The first night I left home, I, stepmother, and father, three people sat around the table in the outbuilding. My father was silent, not saying a word, and her stepmother did not speak, she sat blankly opposite me, her eyes kept staring at me, as if she would disappear without a trace in the blink of an eye. Suddenly, the stepmother stood up, walked to me, took my hand, and put 300 yuan into my hand. She still didn’t speak, and I saw the tears in her eyes again.
  The next morning, my father and stepmother sent me off. When I reached the entrance of the village, I insisted not to let my father and stepmother send it off again. My father stopped, but the stepmother did not listen to me, nor did he listen to my father. She was determined to take me to the bus station in the county. I walked in front and she followed behind. I suddenly thought of the four words “Farewell to Life”. Bah, unlucky, I slapped myself in the mouth hard.
  No words all the way. My stepmother and I just walked one after another. I am fast, she is fast, I am slow, she is also slow.

  The coach station is here. The stepmother seemed to pluck up the courage to talk to me. She hadn’t spoken yet, but her face was flushed, which made me feel weird. She approached me timidly, her mouth almost touching my ears. Her voice was very low and low: “Agen, in fact, in fact, I am your mother!” Before I could react, she had already walked away in great strides…
  The words of the stepmother made me feel sick. Is what she said true? It suddenly occurred to me that it was she who replaced me with a kidney. I vaguely knew that it would be difficult for people without blood relationship to find a matching kidney. My heart was messed up all of a sudden.
  When I was working in Shanghai, I wrote many letters to my father asking him about my mother, but my father never said a word in his reply. Maybe I was angry, but I never wrote to my father for more than 3 years. Because the unit where I work is not fixed and I often change, my father and stepmother can no longer get in touch with me.
  Nearly 5 years after I left my hometown, my conscience discovered that, or as I grew older, I slowly became sensible, and my thoughts increased day by day. I resumed communication with my father. I will ask in the letter whether my stepmother is healthy. In the letter, my father didn’t blame my behavior too much, he just let me take the time to go home and have a look, saying that they miss me very much, and so on.
  I have decided, no matter what, I have to go home to visit them.
  Just as I was about to ask for leave from the factory, I suddenly received a telegram from my father: “Agen, there is something important at home, come back soon!” I panicked suddenly, seeming to have an ominous premonition.
  Come back home! I asked for leave from the factory and left hurriedly.
  Si
  rushed to the house, already evening candlelight.
  My father led me into the low room. Everything in the house hasn’t changed much from when I left, and I’m still a gangster. The only change is that the kerosene lamp has been replaced by an electric lamp. The electric lights were not very bright. Two thin twisted wires hung a bare bulb from the roof, swaying slightly in the air, casting a dim light.
  ”Is Agen back?” A faint voice floated from the back room. I heard the voice of the stepmother. Walking into the back room, I saw my stepmother lying on the bed. Although it was summer, she was covered with a thin quilt. When I walked to the bed, I saw my stepmother’s face was sallow, her entire face was so thin that she was deformed, her eyes sunken in her eye sockets. Seeing me, the stepmother struggled to sit up, but she tried a few times but couldn’t sit up.
  My nose is a little sore. I hurriedly bent down, reached out to hold her hand, and told her not to get up. Her hands are like dry tree bark, wrapped in a few dry branches.
  I turned my head to look at my father and asked my stepmother’s condition with my eyes. Father stood with a dull expression, and it took a long time to spit out a few words from his mouth: “Bone cancer. Late stage.” My tears finally flowed out of my eyes uncontrollably, and the big tears dripped down on me. On the back of the stepmother’s hand… During
  the few days at home, I served my stepmother with all my heart. Whether it’s my stepmother or my biological mother, I should repay her for the kindness of nurturing, and repay her for having exchanged my life with my own kidney! In fact, in my heart, I already know clearly that she is my mother.
  From my father’s mouth, I learned about the condition of some stepmothers intermittently. At the beginning, a small tumor as big as a soybean grew on the stepmother’s left shoulder a little behind. She didn’t care and didn’t tell her father. When the tumor grew to be larger than the broad bean, the stepmother felt a little pain when she raised her arm, and the pain worsened day by day. At the urging of her father, she went to the town clinic for a minor operation and cut off the small tumor. Within a few days, the stepmother’s arms stretched freely. Therefore, neither father nor stepmother cares.
  It was two days before my stepmother came home that my father took her home from the county hospital in a tricycle. “There is no hope of healing, go home and prepare for the funeral!” This is how the doctor told his father.
  The stepmother’s condition deteriorated very quickly, her whole body was skinny, and cancer cells had spread throughout her body. She motioned me to press her abdomen across the quilt. I did as she requested, and I found her whole abdomen was as hard as a rock. I knew she was leaving us soon, it was impossible to last long.
  The stepmother suddenly stretched out her hands, gripped the hand I was touching her abdomen tightly, and pulled it to her chest. Her eyes were wide, staring at my face. She motioned me to bring my face close to hers, and she seemed to have something important to tell me. I sat on the stool next to the bed, bent my waist as low as possible, and put my ears close to her mouth. Only in this way could I hear her weak words clearly. The stepmother didn’t even have the strength to speak.
  Five
  stepmother told me that she and her father are fleeing forced out in her 16 years old together from home. My father used to be a Chinese teacher in a middle school in Qingshui Township in the county, and my stepmother was a student in my father’s class. My father’s home is very close to hers, and they are of the same clan and family. According to seniority, my stepmother should be called my father-uncle.
  The stepmother and my father are secretly in love. This was a terrible shame to the family in a rural town that was closed to feudalism at that time, and it was a big rebellion. The exposure of the stepmother and father’s affairs caused an uproar in the whole family! My father was ordered by the school to do an inspection at the school meeting. The stubborn father believed that there was nothing wrong with free love. Moreover, although the father and stepmother were of the same clan, he had no idea how many generations there were. He resolutely refused to be checked, and the stepmother’s parents quickly made a marriage appointment with a family in the northern countryside thousands of miles away through a matchmaker. Under such circumstances, the father and stepmother decided to elope. They escaped in a dark and windy night for a month. At that time, the stepmother was pregnant and she was pregnant with me.
  My father was a face-saving person. After escaping, they settled down in this small fishing village more than 600 miles away from their hometown. My father was afraid that others would be looked down upon by others knowing about him and his stepmother, so whenever someone in the village praised Vanilla as young and beautiful, he always answered vaguely: “Haha, haha, I found a good stepmother for Agen.” Therefore, My father has always kept this secret to me, which he considers to be disgraceful and unspeakable.
  ”I’m your real grandma, Agen! I want to hear you call me grandma!”
  ”Ama! Grandma! Grandma…” I cried out choked. Amidst my shouts, my grandmother slowly closed her eyes, and a long-lost, seemingly satisfied smile appeared on her face.
  Grandma left her father forever and also left me. In the more than 20 years before her death, she silently gave and dedicated to her father, to me, and to the family we share, but her biological son did not call her a mother! I even cursed her secretly behind my back, calling her “Smelly Grass”.
  Others’ mothers gave her children one life, but my mother gave me twice.

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