No one can save anyone

  We always hear and see stories like this: Some men have repeated gambling or domestic violence after drinking, but his partner has endured great pain for many years but has not left; some people have derailed repeatedly and have no repentance. ‘S partner does not want to have a baby or even suffers from cancer and does not divorce. This kind of plot is shocking and difficult to understand, but it is always common.
  It is said that people have the instinct to avoid danger, and they will naturally avoid and avoid risks when they are dangerous or bad. But why can someone live with pain and allow this pain to hurt themselves again and again?
  Some people are angry, I’m not happy, so I won’t let you go, we must die. There is also a very common thought that “he can’t do without me” “he is like this, and if I leave him, he will be over.”
  This jaw-dropping psychology is also called the “savior complex”, which means that only oneself can bear the responsibility of saving the other party, and no one else can carry it.
  The above examples are more extreme. In fact, there are some savior complexes that are not so high, which are more common in life, and also affect our intimate relationships, especially in parenting and gender relations.
  I have a friend who talked about a boyfriend out of town before. Since the two fell in love, their friends have met with her boyfriend every night to get off work, and all weekends have turned away from parties to accompany her boyfriend. Ordinarily, her personality is definitely not sticky. How did she change this time?
  She said: “His family is out of town and has no relatives or friends. If I don’t look for him, he will have to be in the rental room by himself. How miserable?” This friend was worried about gatherings with his family and would make her boyfriend feel disappointed. Even the time at home is compressed.
  They broke up in less than a year. The boy said that he was too tired, and he was clearly arranged after get off work every day. He wanted to gather with colleagues and friends, or go to the library to study. Since falling in love, it has never been possible.
  When my girlfriend came back to us, she felt embarrassed: “I have been in Beijing for three years. Even if I was alone before falling in love with me, why would I feel that I can’t do it without me?”
  There is a good saying, “What you think is what you think”, the rescued person may not think so, or even feel uncomfortable. Good intimacy should be given and taken appropriately. No one can save anyone, so take care of your own happiness and needs first.