Life is not as unbearable as imagined

   The older you are, the more you recognize your parents’ lives. The more you see different groups of people, the more you realize that they are rare. The more you deal with concepts and theories, the more you realize how vivid and vibrant the life posture of your parents is.
   The parents are ordinary people, and they have lived in a village in the north of Miluo, Hunan all their lives. The mother is a housewife and the father is a middle school teacher.
   My mother married my father at the age of 19. Grandma gave birth to 6 children and adopted one. She has 5 sons, and her mother is the only daughter. In that era, although I can’t say how much love I can enjoy, at least I have not suffered any contempt for women. My mother even graduated from junior high school, wrote much better than me, and was able to read any literary works freely. It’s just that she has been too busy all her life, she has never had any leisure time, she has never sat down easily and tasted a cup of tea, and had a romantic time. The only thing I feel about my mother’s literary and youthful tendencies is that in the late 1970s, when our four sisters were very young, she strongly wanted to get rid of a few children and was determined to ride a bicycle to watch a movie in the next village. Think about it, my mother was less than thirty at that time, and it was also when she was young.
   My mother had already given birth to 4 children at the age of 26. The most dazzling value in her life comes from this saying, “The most worthwhile thing in her life is to give birth to 4 of you before family planning.” She loves children so much and loves small lives, even though she didn’t think about the use of children before giving birth to us. But she rejoiced countless times and convinced me that this was the greatest victory in her life. This kind of confirmation from the heart has filled me with a sense of existence since I was a child. Although I am the third daughter in the family, and even though the elderly in the village can’t stand it, and start to sympathize with my mother’s hard life, I know that I am not dragging oil bottles, and I know that what I bring to my family is happiness rather than pain. Although the four elder brothers and sisters were close in age, quarreling constantly, and being beaten a lot, after the fight, they still found it interesting to be alive. Before the tears were wiped off, they began to eat fragrantly. Since I was young, I was afraid of death and felt a little uncomfortable, so I took the initiative to ask my mother to take me to the rural health center. Yes, my parents were born before the family planning policy. Even if I was the third daughter, I could come to the world smoothly. , Is there any reason not to be lucky? Therefore, since I was young, I have been grateful to my parents for getting married early. If they play for a few more years and get married after the age of 24, I will be gone.
   I roughly calculated what my mother did.
   In terms of raising children, apart from raising 4 of us (only I started at the age of two and went to 11 years old, fostered at my grandmother’s house). After my aunt passed away unexpectedly at the age of 26, she carried two of us without complaint. The burden of the family, he raised two young nephews at the same time, one of them was 3 years old and the other was 7 months old. This relationship persisted intermittently until the brothers graduated from junior high school and went out to work. Now, my two cousins ​​are very kind to my mother, better than we are to her. In addition, my eldest uncle, man’s uncle, my sister-in-law, and my distant cousin all put their children in foster care in my home, long or short, for five or six years. The situation at home is that I was fostered in my grandmother’s house, and other children were fostered in our house. As for why they are fostered in my home, because my father is a teacher, in their opinion, they may have more counseling for the children, and through his relationship, they can ask more teachers to pay attention to the children, and even allow them to successfully enter the middle school. These things that seemed extremely troublesome now, my mother had hardly any complaints. Now that relatives have asked, and they are all her own brothers and sisters, she feels duty-bound. Because my mother got married early, after raising four of us, she became a grandmother at the age of 45. With the birth of the next generation, she followed her children and raised five grandchildren.
   Because the family has a large population, the workload of cooking is huge. Her whole life’s thoughts and time are mainly to prepare a variety of foods, which directly leads to her mother’s excellent cooking skills. To my surprise, my mother actually likes to cook. She said that cooking never made her worry. If you say that having a meal occasionally can make people feel fun, but like her, for 50 consecutive years, and continue to do it for her family, I feel that this is a great cause. My family has many friends. When my father was young, he liked to bring his colleagues to play at home. His students also liked to come to play at home. My classmates, younger brother’s classmates, and two sisters’ classmates all like to come to play at home. Mom is the favorite of all the guests. People. Of course, my mother is really hospitable and likes the guests who come to my house. The way she likes is to cook for them. My mother cooks very fast, and can prepare meals for 20 people in two hours. She always said that cooking is nothing difficult. Now there are pressure cookers, electric rice cookers, gas stoves, and microwave ovens. It is no more than in the early years, but it also has firewood and smoke. As long as you count the time, you can cook now. Compared to before, I don’t know how much easier it is. I feel ashamed when I think that the meals my mother has cooked all her life can be dragged with train skins. Of course, with her mother’s cooking career, she made various jars of vegetables, pickles, rice noodles, tofu, sweet potato skins and glutinous rice cakes.
   Mom also knows a lot of crafts. Before 1987, in addition to farming and farming and undertaking all the farm work, her main occupation was sewing. She is the most famous tailor in our entire town, and one of the few traditional masters who can make big coats. Our clothes were all made by our mothers when we were young. After 1987, she also opened a grocery store. While opening a grocery store, she learned to cook early, that is, steamed buns and steamed buns. After mastering the basic techniques, she took advantage of her ability to make pot dishes and made oil dumplings and deep-fried buns with a good combination of north and south characteristics. . These delicacies are clean, delicious, and hungry. For a long time, they have been the common memory of our rural middle school children. While doing business, she also contracted to grow Dajing watermelon in the field, and the watermelon was mature, and she contacted her acquaintances to sell on the streets of Changsha. Think about it, my mother has done all major trades in agriculture, industry, commerce, and small handicrafts. She was born in 1949 and said last year that if she were not too old, she would be prepared to take a driver’s license. It was after hearing her words that I made up my mind to stick to the exam and get the driver’s license.
   Yes, my mother gave me the impression of being busy and tired for half of her life, but she lived a majestic, ordinary and fulfilling life, as if she did not need to ask the meaning of life, but she brought her own solemn value.
   Let me talk about my father again, even though I have mentioned him in many places. Dad was a teacher in a rural middle school. After he graduated from normal school in 1968, he returned to his hometown in accordance with the policies at the time and became a public teacher. He always said that he had entered the wrong profession all his life and that he should go to work in architecture or astronomy. He was very interested in astronomy. When he was taking the high school entrance examination, he originally went to Nanjing Meteorological School. Because his grandfather was worried, a few tears kept his son by his side and entered Yueyang Normal School. But for many years, his astronomical complex has not disappeared. Until the age of 60, he was still inquiring about the future where he was admitted to the Nanjing Meteorological School. Dad also likes the construction industry, with a 200-kilometer-in-distance bridge. He would go to see every bridge several times when it was being built. From 1995 to 1999, I worked in a factory in Yueyang. At that time, I was building the Dongting Lake Bridge. Every time my father came to Yueyang from his hometown, he asked me to accompany him to watch the progress of the bridge. Almost all the houses in our town, the decent buildings, came from his design. Although he can only get a few packs of cigarettes every time he is busy for a few days, he is very happy.
   Of course, even though Dad claimed that he was in the wrong line, he was actually very suitable for being a teacher. He is a key mathematics teacher in middle school. He taught me mathematics in junior high school. The characteristic of his teaching is to use the least time to teach students the essence of mathematics, emphasizing the clarity of concepts, and never engage in tactics. He is most disgusted with the behavior that only makes the children foolish. He has always been very worried about the status of teachers at the grassroots level, thinking that there are not too many qualified teachers in the countryside.

  Dad likes children as much as his mother. The way he likes children is to never delay any promising students in the process of teaching. He used to be a class teacher in a high school. There were 29 students in the class, and the last 23 were out of the farm. Through the college entrance examination, re-reading, and serving as a soldier, he obtained new development and changed the direction of the whole family. During this period, Dad did everything possible to meet their needs for tuition, books, and living expenses. In his simple cognition, education is the most cost-effective thing in the world. In the 1990s, he always talked about this with the friends in the town who had made a fortune, and repeatedly urged them to pay attention to the education of their children when making money. At that time, his monthly salary was only two to three hundred yuan, and those friends who were in business were worth tens of millions. I couldn’t understand this behavior at the time and always thought he was worrying. Facts have proved that Dad’s vision is completely correct. Those families that did not educate their children quickly lost their wealth. Under the nightmare of their son taking drugs, the family was once again in trouble. It can be said that my intuitive understanding of education comes from the influence of my father’s educational philosophy.
   Dad is not that kind of traditional good teacher. He speaks honestly and does not flatter the powerful. He has never won a certificate in his life or won any official honor. Even in the school’s sanitary inspection, the label on the door can only be A “cleaner” sheet. It seems that he never cared about other people’s evaluations, he just acted on his own interests and instincts. He likes to read. In the middle school in the country, he has always insisted on reading Suhomlinsky’s works and reading many theoretical books on mathematics. He even likes literary works, like “Mirror Flower” and “Dream of Red Mansions”. He and his mother have lived in an extremely hectic environment all their lives. The family has a large population and is under great pressure. They are in debt all the year round. However, their parents have never shown pessimism and are always enthusiastic about what they deserve. They have never had much personal space and life. They are in a state of burning and giving all their lives, doing what they should do for their children, parents, relatives, and students.
   I grew up in such an environment. I have never been asked to study to change my destiny since I was a child, and I have never had the idea of ​​getting ahead. Because my parents are busy with their livelihoods and neglected to manage, on the contrary, there is more freedom and happiness in life. . After graduating from high school, I was only admitted to a junior college. Because my best friend and my own grades are not too far apart, she went to Peking University. I always feel that if I work harder, I can at least go to Lake University, so I want to repeat the year. The parents saw the other side of the matter. There was a girl in the village who failed to pass the exam for several years, and finally became insane. The beautiful girl instantly became a burden to the family. This is the reality they don’t want to see. They didn’t know that their daughter would never go mad, but since I was worried about it, I gave up the idea of ​​repeating studies and went to the technical school happily. After entering the university, the pressure is minimal. The main time is to play, playing cards after class, skating, eating barbecue, and of course falling in love. It seems that I cannot say that this unimaginable laziness today did not bring me any regrets, but since then, I have never regretted it because of the hard-to-sneak time. Many times, I even secretly rejoice that in my youth, I had the opportunity to waste a lot of time. In the confusion and confusion, I could stick to my own interests, and through waste and trial and error, I was convinced of where the passion of life originated. The heart can find the state of yearning and liking, instead of the children nowadays, who have been stuffed tightly since childhood, driven by various external standards to grow up passively. Lost opportunities can be regained, and the money that has not been earned can also be remedied by other means, but the lost youth will never reappear. The young time should not only have bloody competition, but should Have its original leeway and calmness, ignorance and youthfulness.
   After graduating from university in 1995 and entering the factory, he was laid off in 1998, so he decided to take the postgraduate entrance examination. I was preparing for the exam in a small room of 4 square meters in Friend Advertising Company for 7 months, and was admitted to Wuhan University, which was unimaginable before. This dramatic result is as if fate has been standing in the dark, ready to make up for my regrets in the college entrance examination. Compared to my peers from school to school, I just made a circle in society. Then he went on to study for a Ph.D. Upon graduation, he entered the Guangdong F College to teach.
   Unexpectedly, after work, I prefer to teach compared to the attractiveness of creation to me. The interaction with students has become my happiest thing. Although academia now often emphasizes the importance of the platform, the grade of the school, and the influence of the academic atmosphere on personal development, I feel that I have only read 6 years of books. The job I have is compared to the life in the factory after graduating from university. , I have been much better, a university teaching position has already satisfied me. This attitude of being at ease is exactly the same as that of parents. I treat students with peace of mind, just as my mother treats the children around her with peace of mind, just like my father treats the teenagers in his classroom with peace of mind. This is a kind of ordinary heart learned from the family.
   Ordinary life is not as unbearable as imagined in the success theory. The so-called class fall that the middle class is worried about is actually full of intolerant superiority and unnecessary anxiety. Thinking of my mother, I have been doing things all my life, but as long as I do one thing, there is one thing. When she grows vegetables, she can see the garden full of beans, eggplants, loofah and peppers; when she raises chickens and ducks, she can see the hordes of chickens and ducks, lively and lively; she can cook The family smells the fragrance of the house full of vegetables and feels the delicious food; she raises the children, so that the children can grow up one by one, and they will naturally integrate into the society without causing trouble to others. She is like an ordinary housewife in the world, all the time is full of sweat and fatigue, but every minute can measure the quality of survival.
   Her life is so grounded, her spirit is so simple and clean, she has never played with a concept, has never done an opportunistic thing. The older I am, the more respect I have for ordinary and serious people alive. Like my parents, they are the cornerstones of this society. Although they are unknown, no one can deny their value.
   Of course, it cannot be denied that the reason why parents are able to walk so calmly to this day is that, besides being disease-free, hardworking and capable, the more important reason is that they are living in an era where their labor can be rewarded and they can rely on their labor to raise their children. 4 children, and let them get a fair education and enjoy the bonus of entering higher education in the era of planned economy. And the reason why I was able to spend a lot of time and rashly walked through many detours when I was young is because the “religion” that “cannot lose at the starting line” is not so deeply entrenched. Like many of my age, I still have Quite a few gaps, drilled out of the mud of life.
   What we have to do now is to restore the dignity of labor, so that the laborers can enjoy the happiness of life with peace of mind through steadfast dedication. What we have to do is to try our best to get rid of the fate of children’s lives being forced into cruel competition after the extreme utilitarianism of education. We must allow children to try and make mistakes, allow them to get lost and turn a corner, and allow them to grow slowly in accordance with the rhythm of life and the call of their hearts.
   This process is bound to be long and difficult, requiring everyone to pay, but once it is achieved, an ordinary and dignified life will become a reality.