Is it wrong to become a better self in order to attract the opposite sex?

  Courtship is human instinct. Not only for the need for gene reproduction, but also because people want to fight against the inner feeling of loneliness and helplessness, and need a partner to support each other and live together.
  People who are not confident are often the most motivated to improve themselves to court. Once a person feels that he is not attractive enough to attract people he likes, and cannot bear to live alone, he will have the urge to improve himself.
  I want to make myself look better on the outside through dressing, fitness, beauty, etc.; I
  want to improve my inner self through learning communication skills, love skills, etc., and even improve my connotation through self-growth, reading, etiquette training, etc. .
  Self-growth is a good thing, it represents people’s self-improvement. But, can you attract the opposite sex by improving the external or internal?
  can.
  You become better-looking, more attractive to others; you become more humorous, more provocative, and others are more interested in you. I have observed many cases and they have proved this point.
  Some girls make their eyes bigger and face smaller through simple plastic surgery, and there are really more suitors. Some boys make themselves look cooler through beauty makeup, and they have gained more admirers.
  There are many courses in the world that teach how to capture the hearts of men and women, and most of these are very reasonable and practical. If you insist on using it, your partner relationship can indeed be greatly improved.
  In my psychology courses, I also use a lot of teaching such as consistent communication to help students improve their partner relationships.
  There is no doubt that love also needs to be learned. The problem is that being able to attract the opposite sex and being able to maintain a relationship are completely two different things.
  An intimate relationship is divided into two parts: establishment and maintenance. We often say that it is easier to fight the country and it is difficult to defend the country. It is easy to attract the opposite sex through self-improvement, you just need to study hard. But it is very difficult, even harmful, to maintain your relationship with someone of the opposite sex by improving the inner or outer.
  Yes, you are not mistaken, what I said is that attracting the opposite sex through self-growth is harmful to the relationship.
  How motivated you are to attract the opposite sex through self-improvement, the more you value and desire for intimacy. How much you desire, how much you will destroy the relationship.
  The first element that destroys the relationship is: excessive emphasis. Your care will put pressure on the other person and push them away.
  In an intimate relationship, a family-minded person will destroy the relationship;
  in a parent-child relationship, parents who care too much about their children will destroy the relationship;
  in a work relationship, an employee who is dedicated to the company will also destroy the relationship.
  Not paying attention can destroy the relationship, and paying too much attention can also destroy the relationship.
  A healthy state should be like this:
  to form a balance in a variety of relationships such as close relationships, parent-child relationships, social relationships, and work relationships, rather than over-investing in a certain relationship.
  Moreover, this balance should be basically consistent with the importance of the other party. If one party pays too much attention to it, and the other party does not pay so much attention to it, the relationship will be out of balance.
  Secondly, all your ascension at this moment will be subconsciously recognized as “I am for you.”
  I am becoming beautiful in
  order to be with you ; I am learning to grow by myself in order to maintain a relationship with you;
  many mothers continue to grow themselves for the sake of their children;
  …
  All of these will be recognized as a sense of dedication by those who learn.
  And the sense of giving is the great destructive power of intimacy.
  The reason why the sense of giving is so destructive is that every effort has been secretly marked the price, hoping that the other party will give ten times or even a hundred times the return. And the other party hasn’t received so much contribution, it can’t give back. At this time, those who have a sense of giving will feel aggrieved and angry, and will further attack the other party, resulting in destruction.
  Healthy self-growth and self-improvement, whether externally or internally, should never be for someone or to get someone, but for yourself. When I see a better self, I am happy and fulfilling myself. I do it for myself, not for someone.
  Self-improvement in order to attract someone is actually centering on others. Such an approach can make people overly concerned about the results. Always staring at the results will cause loss and frustration when the results do not happen as expected.
  I was my center and attracted others by the way. Only in this way can we not worry about gains and losses in the relationship, neither humble nor overbearing, can we maintain a relationship.
  Third, the essence of self-improvement is change, and change implies a premise: I can only be liked if I change, and the real me cannot be liked.
  Change should be the icing on the cake. It is better if it is changed, and it does not matter if it is not changed. If one can attract a partner through self-improvement, one will be farther away from the true self and dare not easily show the true self in the relationship. Then, there is a gap between him and his partner. An insincere relationship is hard to maintain by itself.
  Therefore, it is easier to be happy than to be able to attract others and find and accept the true self.

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