We are divorced
When a marriage is dying, how cruel and suffocating can be, countless excellent literature, film and television works have been portrayed. In the movie “Road to Revolution”, the wife played by Kate Winslet screamed at her husband, clearly declaring “I hate you.” In “Marriage Story”, the husband played by Adam Drive yells at his wife and gnashes his teeth and curses “I hope you die”. The two people who once loved each other quarreled hysterically, cried bitterly, blamed each other, and used the most vicious language to tear open the weakest wound in each other’s heart. Not to mention there are all sorts of unbearable struggles for custody of children, disputes over the right or wrong of each other’s parents, and competition for family property. Yes, many people have heard the divorced friends around them confided, and have some understanding: When a marriage goes to the abyss, its destructive power is like war.
But we have never seen that after the war, the two people who walked off the battlefield can sit down and calmly review the war together. When I opened the Korean variety show “We Are Divorced”, I once mistakenly thought I could see such a spectacle. After all, it is such a strange setting: the divorced former couple spends three days and two nights alone, two people in one room and three meals, looking back and opening their hearts in 72 hours. The couples who participated in the first period are so unique: a pair of elderly people who have been divorced for 13 years, both over 60 years old, can face each other with a more peaceful and tolerant mentality in the year of earshun; the other young people have just divorced. For 7 months, he was able to get along with each other and raise children together, so that “break up is still a friend.” Such a combination should be able to collide with some new insights into broken marriages.
However, the peculiar setting and selection did not seem to bring much difference. In the 13-year divorce group, the ex-wife Xian Yu Eun-sook refused to stop questioning like a blast: “Why did you leave me behind during the wedding trip and party with friends?” “What happened when I bumped into another woman’s hand back then?” “Why do you have to deal with people who are unkind to me?” and “How painful and wrong I have been, do you know?” These questions should have been clarified in marriage. 13 years after the divorce, she is still waiting for an answer . And his ex-husband Li Yinghe still thought about him: “Have a cup of coffee!” “It’s a bit cold today!” “I’ll read a poem to you!” He denied all doubts: “It’s not like this.” “Nothing. What’s going on.” “I don’t remember.” He waved his hand again and again to tell his ex-wife not to ask again. As a result, these three days and two nights were just a reenactment of 26 years of married life: the man still failed to appreciate the woman’s mood, calling friends, drinking and playing the piano as usual; the woman still failed to express her true feelings and was still trapped In the role of the wife, she suppresses the inner dissatisfaction, cooks and cleans, and supports the smiley face to treat guests.
On the contrary, the 7-month divorce group talked more peacefully about the problems and feelings in the marriage, but it was just a sloppy reflection. The ex-husband Cui Barbecue recognizes the hardship and grievances of his ex-wife in the marriage, but the main purpose is to reconcile. When it comes to core family conflicts, it is always the phrase “Father is old, and I can’t disobey his meaning.” It’s no wonder that his ex-wife Liu Zisu is unwilling to confide in too much, and she just frowned while talking about the past. When the father of the man who was still picking up his ex-daughter-in-law suddenly appeared, the woman still hid and did not dare to show up, and the man still did not have the consciousness of taking responsibility and coordinating the relationship.
Even so, “We Are Divorced” still makes people who have experienced and are in marriage watch and sigh. Cui Barbecue weighed his words and repeatedly tested whether his ex-wife could change his mind, Liu Zisu decided not to start again and again, and tolerated tears. Xian Yu Eun-sook sighed to her ex-husband: “Don’t you think the past time is a pity?” Li Yinghe, who has been dodging from side to side, also sighed: “How can I have no regrets in my 26 years of marriage? I just regretted and reflected on that. The years are getting longer and the years are passing…” Above the video, barrage floats by from time to time: I am crying.
The Pulitzer Prize winner Richard Russeau has a wonderful metaphor about married life in his novel “Professor Griffin’s Troubles”. When craftsmen build houses, they confirm every moment: “Is it vertical?” The answer is often: “Yes a minute ago, but now it is still vertical.” However, “As long as it is not building a skyscraper, it is half a bubble away from the foundation. It’s no big deal.” However, marriage happens to be a 30-storey high-rise building. It is often found that the ground floor has deviated from the baseline when it reaches more than a dozen floors. If the tools at hand cannot be reached, they can only forget it and start anew. As a result, the half-built ruined house stayed there forever. “We Divorced” attracted attention because it brought the two former craftsmen back to the broken house. It is meaningless to find out who built the foundation in the first place. If both parties did not get the new tools, adding bricks and tiles to the building would be nothing but ruin. The most ideal ending is to stand in front of the building to mourn, and then pat each other on the shoulders, and then work together to demolish the ruined building, so that the inner territory can be leveled.
It’s just not easy. The results of a stress survey conducted by the Washington Medical University show that in the stress that people endure throughout their lives, the top 10 are: the first is the death of the spouse, the second is the divorce, the seventh is the marriage, and the ninth is the reconciliation with the spouse. 4 out of 10 things are related to marriage. No wonder some people lament that “no marriage guarantees safety.” But it also shows how important marriage occupies in our lives. We set up a family from it, gave birth to children, dedicated to it, and worked hard for it. It is necessary to dismantle the buildings that were once full of longing and expectation, and work hard to build brick by brick, and then jointly fill in the foundation that was once dug together—”We Are Divorced” attempts to lead divorced couples to make such an attempt, but it seems Far from being successful.
But even just watching the divorced couple pick up the wasteland, and briefly return to the old house to mourn side by side, it is already meaningful. This is why people are moved by this show. In the process of building a marriage mansion, every couple has put in their heart and effort, confirming the verticality again and again, but it is inevitable that they cannot match the time and the consumption of life. When I looked back, I didn’t know at what moment it became “really vertical”. If it is still too late, check and check a few more times to ensure that the building is vertical; even if it is too late, you can only give up, and you cannot let the ruined house collapse and leave a mess.
After all, the best and worst things in our past life happened there.
