Teenage tears in the autumn wind

  On Sunday morning, both parents went to work in the fields, and the teenager and his sister kept home.
  After finishing his homework, the teenager sneaked into his parents’ room and rummaged through his father’s simple desk, looking forward to unexpected surprises. Last week, the teenager found a “Selected Mini-Fiction” that his father had brought back from school, and read it all in one go. It was a hearty. Unfortunately, nothing happened this time.
  Just about to leave, a scarlet-covered notebook attracted the attention of the teenager. It seemed that he hadn’t seen it before. Where did it come from? Could it be that my father wanted to give it to me? Thinking about this, the boy opened it eagerly, and was disappointed. This is my father’s notebook. It records the incidents in his school, the purchase of agricultural materials at home, the year of the flood, and the time of soaking and dropping the seedlings every year.
  Seeing the farm proverb copied by his father, the
  boy chuckles and provokes his sister in front of the hall to ask in surprise: “Brother, what are you laughing?” The boy laughed at this proverb—the east bar is sunny, the west bar is raining; the south bar is north. The bar is flooded.
  The typical Mr. Baizi is the Fuzhou dialect, which is too funny. The so-called “kong” is actually a different word for rainbow.
  The young man laughed, and his heart was full of respect. My father stayed farming in the country for decades and worked as a private teacher in a small village (outside the system all his life, with meager income). During the critical period of his life, he gave up a good opportunity to go out and developed. He suffered all his life and pulled five children. Prop up a home. The hardships and hardships of the father are seen in the eyes of the teenager and remembered in the heart, so in the youth rebellious period, he still has awe of his father.
  The father’s dialect slang was like a switch to laugh. The boy couldn’t control the raised corners of his mouth. He was grinning all the time. He flipped through the laughing and found that the last few pages were also written. He was curious and thought he remembered. Something funny. Looking intently, the boy’s face was stiff, his smile frozen like amber into an eternity that will never fade in his life. Four or five lines of words, just a few words, shooting from behind like a cold arrow, caught the teenager off guard.
  This is a short suicide note-
  If one day I leave you, this is what others owe us.
  Who owes 20 yuan.
  Whoever borrows 100 catties of millet.
  So and so, 80 yuan has not been paid back.
  this just remember the debt of credit did not write a suicide note, like a Pandora’s Box of life, the boy opened, scared and quickly closed quietly back in place.
  Back in front of the hall, Qiuyang was as white as the waxy face of a person who had just recovered from a serious illness. Qiufeng whimpered on the treetops. The boy saw his sister sitting on a small square stool doing work. Everything is as usual. The world has not overturned. Peace, time is quiet and good. But in the young man’s heart, the world was about to collapse, the kind of heaven and earth breaking apart.
  After lunch, the teenager hurried back to school. There was only the sound of wind and birdsong on campus, and the students usually returned in the dark. Sitting in his place, I felt that the text in his father’s suicide note was like a black bat, flying around the world silently. The young man burst into tears, and the tears drew cries and wept, as if the whole world had abandoned him.
  No one saw the sadness of a young man because it was all taken away by the autumn wind; no one inch was wetted by the young man’s tears because it was all dried by the autumn wind.
  In the rehearsal of life and death, the teenager experienced the pain of losing a loved one ahead of time. At first, that kind of indescribable dull pain was just like a small black spot, and it grew to infinity, and the sky was full. All the pain turned into tears and silently slipped from the cheeks, dripping in the autumn wind of 1990.
  Thirty years have passed, and that young man has fumbled in the dunya and finally became who I am today.
  Unknowingly, it has been 25 years since my father left me. In the early spring five years after I read the suicide note, he suffered a sudden cardiovascular and cerebrovascular disease and died forever. Although I read the “suicide note” in advance, it really became a reality. Even after many years, I still can’t accept my father’s leaving forever. The thoughts in my heart cannot be forgotten.
  In 2020, I will step into the threshold of forty-five years old and enter middle-aged and old age. I have twelve years before my father’s death. I am still seven years away from the age of his suicide note. Suddenly, I thought, should I also leave a note for my daughter to tell her what dad has, in case she leaves suddenly in the future, leaving her ignorant and at a loss? I don’t want to leave my daughter in a hurry when she is a child, and she doesn’t want to be in the first year of junior high school, she shed tears in the wind like me back then.
  Confucius said, knowing death, how can you know life?
  Even if there are countless hours in the future, no one can break the iron law that life is accident and death is inevitable. Thinking of this, I followed my father’s last words and wrote one.
  I will leave you one day, the following is left for you:
  a pile of books, a pen, a flower of blessing; an old house, an old Jetta, a lifetime of silent care ; There is no debt of favor, no car and mortgage, only one exhortation: live and be happy, have a complete and happy home.
  hopes for her daughter smiled finished her last words I wrote, I, alone, in the absence of autumn campus, bear so much pain when Mo as a teenager, sad tears the autumn of 1990 were the wet