Baby, I fell in love with you first, and then fell in love with your dad.
I remember very clearly, that day I sat in the street park all afternoon. I just ended an eight-year relationship and soon I found out that I was pregnant. That day, the doctor reminded me that because of physical reasons, if I don’t want this child, I might not have the chance to be a mother.
Sitting on the cold stone bench, I don’t know what to do in the future.
It was when I saw you, you groaned and cried and called “Dad”. I took a look at you and ignored it. Half an hour later you came crying from a distance again. In this newly developed community, the streets and houses are almost the same. It seems that you are lost.
You stopped and looked at me, “wow” crying. I ask if you are lost. You, stubborn little guy, wouldn’t say anything. I try to impress you: Auntie is sick. Auntie lives upstairs. Can you take me home?
You looked at me and nodded. When I helped you take off your coat, I saw the metal sign hanging around your neck, and I knew it was not the first time you ran away from home. That night I cooked a large pot of ribs noodles, ate two bowls with you, took a shower, and I let you sleep on the sofa in the living room. After confirming that you were asleep, I called your dad.
Your mother passed away due to illness two years ago. Your father was in business, and he couldn’t take care of the other end, so he had to ask a nanny to look after you. You think that Dad doesn’t love you anymore, and your temper becomes stubborn, and you run away from home if you don’t like it.
To me, your father is very frank. The reason why he associates with me is all for you. You don’t kiss anyone except Dad, you actually like me who is stranger. Then your father fell in love with me, and I became his wife.
Ask why you like me, you say I am like your mother. For this, I deliberately looked for your mother’s photo study, and the conclusion is that I am nothing like her. You don’t care about my opinion at all and insist on saying like.
We have been living happily. With my care, you have become more cheerful, and you no longer resist your father sending you back to your grandmother’s house. Once you came back from your grandmother’s house, you were gloomy, and you kept peeking at my stomach without paying attention. I will help you rub your back in the bath at night. You ask me, Mom, if you have your own child, would you not like Fangfang? I said no. You are excited and deceiving. Grandma said that every woman only loves her own children and will not really like other people’s children.
I asked you that night, if I tell you a secret, can I promise not to tell others. You were puzzled at first, and then excited, urging me to speak quickly. I said I was a woman who couldn’t have children, so I married your father. You said “Oh”, it turned out to be like this. I said yes, if Fangfang did not keep the secret and let his father know, his father would not want his mother. You look serious, I won’t say it. After a while, you confirm again: Is it true?
That night you were running around the house excitedly, somersaulting, singing loudly, deliberately mischievous, your dad couldn’t help but want to beat you several times, I stopped.
That year, you were seven and I was twenty-seven.
Fangyuan’s arrival was a complete surprise. After marriage, I have not taken any contraceptive measures, anyway, I can’t give birth. Unexpectedly, when you were twelve years old, I accidentally became pregnant. Everyone is happy for me, even your grandmother sent me supplements and blessed me heartily.
At that time, I could still do B-ultrasound, and I knew I was a daughter. Your dad is as happy as ten years younger. We went shopping over and over again, buying back all kinds of baby products. On the weekend, your dad will pick you up. I am preparing dinner at home. I imagined the surprise look when you knew you were going to have a little sister. I smiled happily.
You complained during the meal: Mom doesn’t pay attention to image at all, and she wears pajamas during the day. Your father laughed: Your mother is wearing a maternity dress, and you are going to have a little sister! After a short period of confusion, your face sank and you looked at me coldly: Is it true? Suddenly remembered that one night you also confirmed one thing with me, and also asked: Is it true?
Liar, you say. Staring straight at me, the chill inside seemed like a twelve-year-old child could have. My eyes wince, you smile instead. No wonder you want to send me to a boarding school, saying that the teaching quality is good, it turns out that way. Before I could explain, you dropped your chopsticks and went back to the room.
You didn’t open the door that day. How to explain it is an accident, you don’t believe it.
Your dad is very angry, let me leave you alone. It is said that when the child is born, you can see your sister. I was still worried. When I came back from shopping for food the next day, the father and son were fighting. How could you be Dad’s opponent? I hurried to get away.
The baby room was in a mess, everything that could be smashed was smashed, and the little pillows and quilts were all over the floor. Needless to say, you did it. I finally understand what I am worried about. If I want a daughter, I will lose my son.
I decided to give up my daughter. Going to the hospital alone without telling your dad. Unexpectedly, after the physical examination, the doctor said that my physique was not suitable for abortion surgery. After returning home, I cried and cried, not knowing whether to be happy or sad. In the evening, your dad found out, and the man who held me and never flicked tears down my face. He said that I was wronged too much.
I’m not afraid of being wronged, but my sister is still there. I’m afraid you won’t let it go. I’m afraid of losing you.
However, I still lost you.
After that day, you never called me “Mom” again. How did you know that the reason why you are allowed to go to boarding school is because you have been withdrawn since you were young, and we are afraid that you will grow up to be uncomfortable and unable to integrate into society. In the first week you go to school, I will go to your school every night and watch from a distance until the lights in your dormitory are off before going home.
The pocket money I put on the desk, you never move. You don’t even look at the clothes I bought for you. When I talk to you, you always turn your head aside. Helpless, I had to give the money to your grandmother, let her give you pocket money, buy you clothes, and ask her to care about you.
When my sister was born, I was both sad and proud. My child, how do you know the heart of being a mother!
My sister is very cute, white and fat, and she likes it cute. Thank your grandmother for helping me. She showed her sister and asked you to hug. You neither looked nor hugged.
I know you love your sister, and those who ignore it are all pretends. When my sister was six months old, one day when I was listening to the phone in the living room, my sister woke up crying loudly. I knew that you were at home and deliberately talked endlessly with friends. My sister cried for ten minutes, but I could not bear to watch it. Finally, her crying stopped. Kid, do you know? How relieved I saw you holding your sister and making faces outside the door.
After graduating from high school, you are clamoring to go to the south to work, saying that you are not going to college and you want to be independent. That was the only time I slapped you hard. You ask: Why are you hitting me? I said: Just because you said I’m like your mother before.
This slap drove you into college. But after four years of university, you never returned home. Listening to my daughter and you talking to you on the phone and saying that my brother is like this and my brother is like this, I always squeeze my right hand-it was the hand that hit you back then.
Time flies so fast, you went home with your girlfriend in a flash. You have a good vision and you have chosen a good wife. When helping me cook in the kitchen that day, she said: Thank you, mother.
The sun outside the window must be dazzling, I squinted, tears streaming down.
Later, you married and set up a family in another place, and you had a daughter a year later. I took your sister to congratulate you. You hugged your daughter, probably because you wanted to hand it over to me. After thinking about it, you gave it to your sister. My sister said that the child’s eyebrows and eyes are exactly the same as yours. You looked at me, what you wanted to say, but you didn’t say anything.
Later, you gave your daughter to me and you took her back to kindergarten until she was two years old. You call your child grandma, not mom.
Yesterday was your sister’s wedding. The house was plastered with happy words and decorated. You are also back. Your daughter-in-law helped me out. The granddaughter chased my sister-in-law in and out. My relatives and friends came to congratulate me. Your father was so happy from ear to ear.
In the morning, Xi Che picked up your sister. After lunch, all the relatives and friends were gone. Thinking of yesterday’s joy and today’s sadness, I am very sad. You have to go too. I know that my little granddaughter is going to school and you have to work. But how I hope you can stay, even if only for one more day.
I wipe the floor, clean up the house, thinking of the children who are flying high like a bird, thinking that you are all happy, and want to laugh.
Someone knocked on the door, but you did not expect you to be standing outside. It turns out that when you were waiting for the flight at the airport, the daughter-in-law said that after her sister was married, her mother cried all day. If you realized something, you sent them on the plane, but you didn’t leave.
That night, you said that you called your sister to discuss it and asked her to move back home after her honeymoon. You said, so my sister doesn’t have to spend money to rent a house, and you have someone as company. You also said that mother, raising a child only knows the kindness of parents.
Baby, you are finally grown up.