Last week, when I took a taxi home, I was unfortunately stuck on the main road. It was half an hour away, and it took more than an hour to drive. The helpless and irritable driver master turned on the music and played classic old songs. These old songs gave us a sense of nostalgia, and we started to chat about the sky one after another: those people and things that have touched us, or a certain smashing singer, or It’s the TV series and mini games that I was obsessed with when I was young, and even the story of Li Lei and Han Meimei written while studying. The strong sense of belonging and relief brought by the nostalgia made me and the driver master forget the unpleasantness of traffic jams.
In psychology, nostalgia is usually defined as a preference for things in the past. The places you have been to, the people you have seen, the events and situations you have experienced can all become objects of nostalgia. Nostalgia can not only help us awaken precious memories, but also has a variety of positive effects on our mental health.
The relationship between nostalgia and love happiness
Among the many objects of nostalgia, emotional experience is an important one. Love gives people a sense of happiness, and builds a sense of self and others from intimacy.
Good intimacy contributes to the development of an individual’s mental health, while a poor relationship, in addition to lower life satisfaction, may also lead to a series of problems, such as self-harm, depression, and suicide. Therefore, it is very important to improve the happiness of love.
So, what is the specific relationship between nostalgia and happiness in love?
Nostalgia in love is divided into single nostalgia scenes and double nostalgia scenes according to single nostalgia or two people nostalgia; according to whether the content of nostalgia is shared by one or two people, it is divided into personal experience and common experience. A bit dumb?
For example: if the boy and girl in the table are a pair of lovers.
In the nostalgia of the single-person situation, both the personal experience of nostalgia (A) and the common experience of nostalgia (C) can improve the satisfaction of the relationship, but the common experience of nostalgia can promote the happiness of love, that is, the happiness of nostalgic personal experience (A)< Nostalgia to experience happiness together (C). Therefore, the feeling of nostalgia can promote your happiness in love. Even if you are alone and carefully review the common experience between you, you will feel very sweet. Maybe the person who is in love will be in a daze. The giggle is the little bit missed by the lover. In the two-person scenario, compare the nostalgic personal experience (B) and the nostalgic common experience (D). Only the nostalgic common experience (D) can promote the happiness of love. Therefore, when you two stay together, if you want to talk or share with each other, it is best to talk about the common experience of the two of you, share each other's feelings and feelings, instead of just talking about your own experiences and feelings. Love is also an interpersonal relationship and requires interaction. In other words, nostalgia for personal and shared experiences alone can promote happiness in love, and nostalgia for two people together can also promote happiness in love. So, which kind of nostalgic happiness is stronger? Compared with the single nostalgic scene, the two-person nostalgic scene can promote the happiness of love more than the single nostalgic scene. Simply put, double nostalgic common experience happiness (D)> single nostalgic common experience happiness (C)> single nostalgic personal happiness experience (A).
If you can choose, I believe that everyone will choose to be nostalgic with their lovers. Because the biggest feature of nostalgia in a two-person scenario is that it increases the factors of interpersonal interaction. In a two-person scenario, individuals not only need to recall and narrate their own experiences, but also listen to the lover’s nostalgic content and express their feelings during the nostalgia to the other party. This process is actually a process of in-depth communication between individuals and lovers and mutual self-disclosure, and self-disclosure can help reduce the sense of distance and improve the satisfaction of intimacy (2015, Guo Aili).
The two embraced each other, reminiscing about their sweet past, and reminiscing about the bits and pieces that they had made along the way. Even though they were happy, they couldn’t be nostalgic for the long-distance love that couldn’t embrace each other. ? No, talking on the phone or WeChat video, linguistic interaction can also achieve a common nostalgic experience for two people, and maximize the purpose of nostalgia to improve the happiness of love. It is not that two people can stay together to achieve a common nostalgic experience for two people.
Other positive effects of nostalgia
1Relieve negative emotions
Storing the positive emotions in memory allows us to consciously acquire these memories, and we can continuously use these memories in our daily lives to improve our psychological feelings. When we feel dissatisfied, anxious and uncertain about the current life, we will hope to return to that certain and beautiful past. Psychology believes that nostalgia has some compensatory effects, which can calm our hearts. It is these strong feelings about the past that help us face the future with a better attitude.
2Get a positive self-awareness
The process of nostalgia is a process of self-recognition. Most of our nostalgia is an affirmation of our past experience. What comes to mind is often that we have gone through trials and hard work and overcome difficulties until today, which helps us to continue Self-affirmation will gradually form a positive self-awareness and self-evaluation, thereby gaining confidence to cope with the current situation.
3 promote social behavior
A sense of nostalgia can cause people to perform better in interpersonal communication. For example, when attending parties, they are more proactive in establishing contact with strangers; they can express their thoughts and feelings more bravely; take care of others’ feelings better, provide them with emotional support, and accompany and comfort them in time when they are sad.
4 Fight against the feeling of “existence is meaningless”
The theory of terror management points out that each of us may face a psychological conflict—a conflict between “a strong desire for survival” and “awareness that death is inevitable.” The fear of death is a natural response, and people who are overly fearful of it will have a sense of meaninglessness in the current life. The theory of terror management believes that people will help themselves overcome the fear of death by acquiring some religious and cultural values. In fact, nostalgia is also a way to help people give meaning to their life experiences, make people form deep connections in their own cultural groups, and enhance people’s self-esteem, personal meaning and courage to live.
Some people say that when a person becomes nostalgic, he is old. There is some truth to this, but nostalgia also shows that a person loves life and pays attention to every detail in life.
Nostalgia does have its painful side. It is a bitter and sweet experience, but in terms of pros and cons, nostalgia can make life more meaningful. Time is a delicate thing. It is the carrier of memory and the root of feelings. When people talk about the past with infinite attachment, they are usually more optimistic and confident about the future. If you feel that life is a bit bitter and boring right now, you might as well go nostalgic, and perhaps you can discover the sweetness and new pleasures of bitterness.