A person’s first love is not a matter of the initial stage, it is a lifetime matter. In other words, it is something unforgettable for a lifetime. It is quite a pity if a person has no first love in his entire life. Some people say that everyone has their own first love. Isn’t the first love the first love? I don’t agree with this statement, I think the two should be different. In terms of age, first love should occur at an age when boys and girls are in love. Psychologically speaking, the tentacles of first love are mostly emotional, and there is no reason to talk about, and it is far from maturity. Emotionally speaking, first love is pure, shy, with a fairy-tale dreamlike color. It is beyond the body and has nothing to do with sex. In a sociological sense, first love does not think of getting married or getting married without any utilitarian purpose.
Only when there is experience in everything, there will be understanding. The above understanding comes from my personal experience. I had a first love experience when I was in the second to third grade of junior high school. My first love is of very high quality, which is unforgettable. I am not afraid of my friends’ jokes. I still dare not easily tell my friends about that experience. Over the past few decades, I have talked to good friends two or three times. Every time I talk about it, I get so excited, my face flushes, my heart beats, and even the apex is painful. After speaking, I didn’t speak for a long time, and I couldn’t calm down for a long time. It would be better if you write it down in words, because the qi used to speak is different from the qi used to write articles. The prerequisite for writing an article is to calm down. Only by calming down can you enter the inner world. The qi it uses is mainly still qi. Of course, essays must also express feelings, because with the participation of thoughts and rational control, they will appear to be calmer, at least not to the extent that they are almost gloomy.
Regarding first love, more than thirty years ago, I had written a special novella. The title of the novel was “Distressed First Love”. In other short stories and novels, I seem to have mentioned first love sporadically. I am not afraid that others will say that I repeat, that a person’s first love is only one time, and it is too precious to be precious anymore. It is not too much to say a few more words. People are getting older, and the matter of first love is no longer mentioned, it is not impossible. But there are some follow-up stories that are unforgettable and interesting to think about. It seems a pity not to write them down. For example, after graduating from junior high school, I once wrote a letter to my first love, Ma Lian, and Ma Lian returned a letter to me. The reply Malian gave me is worth remembering and writing.
After graduating from the middle school in the town, I returned to the village to be a farmer. It was a period of deep depression for me. My depression is not one, but multiple. The hopelessness of the future is one factor, the monotony of life is one factor, the heavy farming is one factor, and spiritual emptiness is another factor. Repeated and repeated, no matter how distressed I can’t overcome. Later, I thought that if there were no that first love, all my distress might be nothing but ordinary. And the first love seemed to give me enlightenment. I provoked myself so that I was obsessed with emotional life and yearned for it, so I became restless. Like me, there are still three or four so-called “returning educated youths” in our village who have returned to the countryside to work in farming. Not so melancholy, like me. I think I may be self-conscious, too narcissistic, narcissistic to the degree of narcissism, it is annoying! But I didn’t realize this at the time, I just couldn’t control myself.
Speaking of my luck, at this time, I was recruited to the Mao Zedong Thought Literary and Art Propaganda Team of the commune. Every day I sang, danced, and transplanted revolutionary model dramas with a group of young men and women. The material life and spiritual life were finally improved. . However, as sung in a song, good flowers do not always bloom, and good times do not always exist. If the propaganda team is considered a “good scene”, the propaganda team only lasted for more than half a year. I fell from the “good scene” and fell into a bad scene again. During the promotion team, I hope that the promotion team can exist for a long time, and the promotion will last a lifetime! Although I understand that the propaganda team is temporary and unlikely to exist for a long time, I still pray that way. The prayers of the world are mostly accompanied by fear. My wish, of course, is that the propaganda team will be disbanded. Once, the propaganda team went to the countryside to perform and had to pass through the village where Malian was located. Our publicity team does not have any means of transportation, not only bicycles, but not even a shelf car. No matter where the performance is, it can only be on foot. Our performance still needs some costumes and props, such as the big cap and hand-held signal lights worn by Li Yuhe. So, what about costumes and props? Our solution is to put the supplies necessary for the performance into two wooden boxes and carry the wooden boxes to go. When I heard that the performance was going to pass through Malian’s village, my heart suddenly burst, and I could no longer calm down. After graduating from school, it has been more than a year, and I have never seen her again. When I was in school, I could see her every day. When you don’t see her, you seem to be plagued by all kinds of illnesses, just look at her and all illnesses will be eliminated. The thing is so cruel. The word graduation seems to mean that everything is over. It separates our lives into one east and one west, and we never have the opportunity to meet again. I still want to see Malian every day, even in my dreams, but I just can’t see her. In fact, the village where I live is not far away from the village where she is located, which is like Qibali Road, which can be reached within an hour. But we seem to be separated by a Tianhe, just can’t meet each other. According to legend, the Cowherd and Weaver Girl, who are separated on both sides of the Tianhe River, can meet once a year on July 7, and we are not as good as the Cowherd and Weaver Girl. Passing by the village where Malian is located, I don’t expect to see Malian. Human settlements are like ants, and villages are like nests. We just pass by other people’s nests, how can we see the people you want to see! Besides, Malian didn’t know that we were passing by their village, and she wouldn’t wait for us at the entrance of the village. How could I see her! Although I had no hope of seeing Malian, it did not affect my excitement. Because of my love for Malian, I even like her village. I even think that the village where Malian was born The name is the best name in China. When I hear that name, I immediately think of Malian. It seems that the name of the village is inseparable from Malian’s name, and it seems that the village is Malian itself. Therefore, it is good to be able to live in Malian’s village. I have heard of the idiom Aiwu and Wu. I didn’t understand this idiom very well before. I thought it was similar to Fengma Niu, which was a bit ridiculous. Since I have loved Malian, the village of Malian, and the name of the village where Malian is located, I have deepened my understanding of the idiom Aiwu and Wu. I think that the first person to invent this idiom must be a lover, and must have a deep life experience of love. It has been up and down for thousands of years and 90,000 miles away. What he speaks is the voice of people!
Boxes for costumes and props are called play boxes for us. Carrying a theater box with me is a female player named Zhang, a middle school classmate who is one grade higher than me. When our publicity team walked to the head of the village where Malian was located, the team leader told us to stop and rest for a while. When we were in middle school, a propaganda team was also set up in the school. Zhang, Ma Lian and I were all members of the propaganda team. Classmate Zhang also knew that Malian was from this village. Taking advantage of the time of resting in the wheat field at the head of the village, classmate Zhang suggested that she would go to the village to see Malian. This idea of classmate Zhang is really good and touching. When I was still in school, the first love between Malian and I was spread up and down by my classmates. It was very extensive, and Classmate Zhang must have known it. Student Zhang asked to see Malian because he said something I wanted to say but didn’t dare to say, and made an action I wanted to do but didn’t dare to do. In other words, this classmate Zhang knew that I wanted to see Malian but did not dare, so he fulfilled my wish instead of me. Later I thought that the psychology of this classmate Zhang was really kind and subtle, too subtle to be named and unspeakable. Regarding the story of my classmate Zhang and me, I once wrote a short story “Trusted Media”, which was published in the “Harvest” magazine in Shanghai. If you are interested, you can take a look and you will know what I said. What’s the matter with subtlety. Of course, I am willing to let Classmate Zhang visit Malian. She will bring back Malian’s information when she visits Malian, so as to ease my thoughts about Malian. At the same time, the message reminds Malian that I am now a member of the Mao Zedong Thought and Literature Propaganda Team of the Commune. You know, there are tens of thousands of young men and women in the commune. The propaganda team is not one in a hundred, but one in a thousand. It is not easy to join the propaganda team. At least some literary aura and literary talent are needed. Commune Middle School graduated from the 1966, 1967, and 1968 classes of nearly two hundred students. It’s me and Zhang that can join the publicity team of the commune! And I’m the only boy who can participate in the promotion team! I dare not say how outstanding I am. It at least shows that I am not a wooden mallet that can’t be beaten, but like a flute that can be played. Malian’s getting this information from me will help me get in touch with her in the future. Even if I no longer contact, I can satisfy my vanity.
Classmate Zhang turned back, yes, she really saw Malian. Classmate Zhang told me that Malian was practicing weaving on the loom, and Malian was woven in a decent way. Student Zhang talked and smiled, and gave me a deep look. I didn’t speak, and smiled. My heart said: Malian has really become a Weaver Girl. The wheat grew up everywhere, and the spring breeze made the young wheat white all the way, like white flowers blooming all over the ground. After that performance in the countryside, our propaganda team disbanded before the wheat turned yellow.
Once I got home, I had to work like the members of the world, earning work points. In the production team, there is no need for propaganda, only the work of playing poles and hoeing poles. Any of my propaganda is ineffective in the yellow earth. Only by breaking the beads of sweat on the ground can I earn work points. To be honest, I have never valued work points. I am unwilling to convert a work point to the value of only two cents in the end. I also disagree with the saying that “the work point is the lifeblood of a member”. However, it’s like no matter what I think about being alive, I still have to live, no matter what I think about work points, I still have to earn work points. I have reached the age of eighteen, a minor, half-adult, and an adult year after year. Adults have the rules and responsibilities of adults. As a rural adult, what can you do if you don’t work in the land! If you don’t earn work points, what can you earn? In the scorching summer, my members and I went to hoe the ground under the scorching sun, hoeing sesame seeds and corn, hoeing beans and corn. A broken hat can only cover my face, but not my arms. Soon, my arm was tanned and tanned again. When it is dark, it is like a burnt stick, when it is white, it has a layer of white skin. The world started to rain heavily, and we could not hide from the rain, and could not stop work. We continued to plant sweet potatoes in the ground under the rain. The thunder blasted on top of my head one after another, and the rain almost sealed my eyes, my mouth, and my ears. I wiped the rain on my face with the palm of my hand, and my heart called heaven. Lord, insist on planting the sweet potato seedlings into the soil one by one. In winter, it snowed heavily. No matter whether the snow covered the sky or covered the ground, we still couldn’t be idle. The captain still assigned work to the members. I was assigned to either go to the top of the wheat stalks to make grass for cattle, or to dig out the manure in the large manure pit in the breeding room, or to lift the snow from the village to the wheat field with a basket. I can only do what the members do. However, my heart is still resisting, not reconciled at all. Why are you not reconciled? Not willing to be a farmer for a lifetime. So, what should you be an improper farmer? Looking around at a loss, I don’t know myself, except I am at a loss.
In retrospect, I was a good farmer at that time. I didn’t slacken off or play slippery. I was willing to work hard no matter what I did. I understand that I do not work willingly, as if I am angry, both with others and myself. After anger is wronged, I feel like crying every day. The sky is big and there are so many people, who can understand my feelings? Can anyone comfort me? Of course I think of Malian, and I think of Malian every day, and it’s Malian when I open my eyes and close my eyes. When I think of Malian, my heart is full of softness, but also full of hope and strength. I think that if Malian is by my side, I can do anything, let alone let me be a farmer for a lifetime, it is okay to let me be a cow or a horse, and even let me die, I will do nothing! Death is a word that everyone must encounter. Death is often associated with courage. If a person is not afraid of death, what is there to be terrifying! It was the word death that made my heart and courage soar, so I decided to write a letter to Malian. When I was in school, I never wrote to Malian. Don’t say letters, I haven’t even written a note to her. What do we do when we go to school, and what do we read? Isn’t it just for communication? Isn’t it just for writing letters! Why didn’t I think of writing a letter to Malian for such a long time? I’m so stupid, I’m such a big idiot! One can’t be stupid for a lifetime, I can’t be stupid anymore.
The reason why I think of writing to Malian, apart from being a little helpless by the hopeless years, is that my life experience in the commune propaganda team has inspired me. No matter what you promote, you cannot do without emotional participation. The publicity team is a place to express your feelings. In addition, the members of the propaganda team are all young men and women, men and women who eat and drink, and each is full of juice. Everyone expresses their feelings and expresses them, and there is no distinction between true and false, reality and drama, neither you nor me, turning the propaganda team into a love scene, and some men and women are involved. In “Chaoyanggou”, the person who played Shuanbao was a demobilized veteran, and the person who played Yinhuan was an educated youth who had returned to his hometown from the county middle school. They played both Shuanbao and Yinhuan together, and the two played together. When I was there, Shuan Bao “tethered” the silver ring, and the silver ring “tethered” the bolt. When the captain of the propaganda team discovered that their behavior was fake and was beyond the scope of the drama, he decisively expelled Shuanbao from the propaganda team. The “Silver Ring” lost its “suppression”, its spirit was hit, and there were some problems. Every day, leaning on the door frame of the propaganda team’s rehearsal hall, it froze. Without “Suppression”, the propaganda team can only arrange some solo songs for “Yinhuan” when performing again, such as Yinhuan going down the mountain or something. “Yinhuan” sang very emotionally, “Where am I going? Where am I going? It’s hard to let go of the unforgettable Chaoyanggou.” When I sang it, I sang with tears. I have a friend who is a 1966 high school student who graduated from the county seat and returned to his hometown. He went to see me at the station of our propaganda team and watched our rehearsal by the way. He sees the rehearsal is fake, but the female players are the real. As soon as he saw it, he saw a female player, and that female player was the student Zhang who carried the play box with me when he went to the countryside to perform. That friend of mine is really courageous. He showed a high degree of self-confidence that “flowers can be folded and straightened”. When he saw Classmate Zhang, he asked me to introduce him and wrote to him directly. The letter he wrote to classmate Zhang, classmate Zhang showed me. It was the first time in my life that a man wrote a courtship letter to a woman, and both men and women were people I knew well. Reading the letter made my face beat with enthusiasm, as if I was also one of the parties involved. That letter is so wonderful, so wonderful! That letter was written in language, but it was so beautiful that there is no language to comment on, to describe it. Before that, I had never seen such a beautiful letter. I didn’t know that the letter could still be written like this, and it could be written so touchingly. I have read some novels, but those novels are not as good as the letter. It can be said that that letter is worth several novels. It’s not enough for me to say so, and there must be other proof to prove that the letter is indeed well written. The proof is from a handwritten copy. Somehow, the letter arrived I went to the middle school in the town and was copied by the middle school students and turned into a manuscript. Manuscripts are a way for the readings of the time to spread in private. The letter was turned into a manuscript, which proved its charm. Let’s put it this way, it was mainly the letter a friend wrote to classmate Zhang that inspired me. I want to learn from my friend and try to write a letter to Malian.
When I wrote to Malian, the middle school in the town restarted enrollment and resumed classes, saying that it was a revolution. The school not only recruited junior high school students, but also opened a high school class for the first time and recruited high school students. When the school enrolled students, Zhang and I were doing publicity in the commune publicity team and missed the opportunity to sign up for high school. Malian seized the opportunity and returned to his alma mater to become a high school student. In fact, I also really want to go to high school. Being able to continue to study is one aspect, and more importantly, it is so exciting to be able to study in the same class with Malian and renew my old dream! Until now, I sometimes dreamed of going to high school or college with Malian, like returning to the time of first love. The moon is still that moon, and the star is still that star. Everything is still so hazy and true. ; Affectionate, but shy and timid; If it is, it is difficult to separate. Every time I have such a dream, I hope I can stay in the dream. But, just like any night will usher in the day, any dream will also be awakened, I have repeatedly dreamed of Malian the same, it can only bring me the loss of waking up. Even if it is lost, I am still willing to have such a dream. Only this kind of dream can make me relive the old dream. Otherwise, where can I see Malian’s shadow! I have never written a letter to anyone before, but it was the first letter I wrote when I came into the world, and it was a heartfelt letter and a courtship letter. Maybe it’s because of accumulation and love, maybe it’s the ability to get close to writing in my talent. I don’t have to struggle to write letters, and I didn’t rack my brains, tearing and writing, and tearing. Under the kerosene lamp at night, I finished the letter in one breath, and I wrote three pages of manuscript paper. In the letter, I did not praise Malian, her looks, her figure, or her posture. Instead, I came up and said: Malian which Malian, you may not know, but you hurt me. It’s bitter! I used a method similar to complaining to tell Malian how much I missed her. I said, my missing may be unipolar, and I may not be worthy of such missing, but missing me can’t help. Perhaps it is because the longing is unilateral, the longing cannot be responded to or relieved, so that the longing is like walking into the endless long night, getting darker and darker, and there is no hope of seeing the light at all. I devalued myself very low, in terms of family background, status, ability, future, including long-term equality, I devalued myself very low in all aspects, and almost said the most nasty things. But I said, no matter how bad a person’s conditions are, he can’t hold back a throbbing heart of beauty, and can’t stop him from looking up and yearning for beautiful things. Perhaps it is precisely because of his bad personal conditions that he has a stronger yearning for a better life. In the letter, I especially recalled the bad mood on the eve of graduation from school, and stated frankly and without shame to Malian, because I was worried that after graduation, everyone would never see Malian again, so that I would lose my body. Something went wrong and almost lost his life. I used to only admit the body, and I didn’t want to admit the spirit. I thought that the spirit was mysterious, invisible, intangible, and unrealistic. Even more unwilling to believe that a person’s bad spirit will affect the body and cause harm to the body. It turns out that I was wrong. During that time, my body obviously broke down. First, I was getting thinner, so thin that my eyes were sunken, and my cheekbones were raised. I didn’t dare to look at myself in the mirror, feeling that I was so ugly. Then, I was dizzy at every turn, my eyes turned black when I got dizzy, the world turned around and I couldn’t stand steady. I need to hold a tree at this time , Or leaning against the wall and stopping for a while to relieve the dizziness. I’m a little scared. One night, in the boys’ dormitory at the school, I was so dizzy that I fell into a bed. I don’t know how long I was in a coma under the bed and didn’t wake up until the next morning. After waking up, he touched his face, his face was swollen like a small basin. It turned out that the corner of the right eye was torn, and there were coagulated blood bumps on one face. If I couldn’t wake up that morning, maybe I would be finished long ago, and it would have turned into mud. I said to Malian: Fortunately, I am still alive, so I have the opportunity to write this letter to you. Otherwise, you will never receive my letter. I don’t know the infatuation that a delusional person has for you. At the end of the letter, I asked Malian to forgive me for disturbing her study life. I also said: I dare not expect to receive your reply. You can receive this letter. After reading this letter, my heart Even if it is not in vain, my life is not in vain.
I remember very clearly that at the top of the letter, I did not write Malian’s name in Chinese characters, but the name of Malian spelled in Russian letters. At the end of the letter, I also wrote my name in Russian. I do this because I don’t want people who don’t understand Russian to recognize my name, and just let Malian recognize my name alone. We have studied Russian together for more than two years. During our studies at school, our Russian teacher assigned us homework and asked us to write letters to children in the Soviet Union in Russian. When Ma Lian saw Russian, it would arouse our four-year classmates (because of the “Cultural Revolution”, staying in school for one more year). At the same time, it is undeniable that I did this with a ostentatious meaning. I learned Russian very well. At the last exam in the class, my Russian score was the first in the class.
After I wrote the letter, I read it over and over again, thinking that it was pretty good. Although it is not as literate as the letter that my friend wrote to Student Zhang, it is not much different. At least in terms of the sentiment contained in the letter, the sentiment in my letter seems to be more real and fuller. Reading the letter to Malian, nothing happened yet, I first moved myself, as if the letter was not written to Malian, but to myself. The letter written in words is so magical. Before I wrote this letter, I didn’t know or understand myself. I didn’t know if I was an emotional person. Through this letter, it seems that I have gained a deeper understanding and understanding of myself for the first time. It turns out that I am okay. Not only do I have certain emotional abilities, but I also have the ability to grasp emotions, implement them on the letter paper, and turn them into one. This kind of confession can be seen and touched. I can’t imagine how Malian would react when she read this letter, and whether she would be moved. One thing I can be sure of is that Malian will not object to me writing to her, and she will not be disgusted after reading my letter. Everyone wants others to write to him, because everyone can’t see themselves clearly, just like their eyes can’t see their noses. Everyone wants to know what they are in the eyes of others. Only through letters written to you by others will you know how others feel about you. Especially some girls, they often don’t believe in themselves, and they want and care more to see what others think of them. A good word from others can make them feel happy. A bad word from others may also make them discouraged. I believe that Malian also wants to see what I think of her, maybe she has been waiting for me to write to her! We can only rely on the air in the space for our eyebrows during school. The air is illusory and there is no real evidence. And once it’s written as a letter, once it’s written in black on white paper, it’s almost an article, and it’s not far from “Eternal Events”.
I did not put the letter in the mailbox of the commune’s post and telecommunications office. The mailbox hung on the wall was rusty with a lot of white bird droppings on it. I couldn’t trust the mailbox. If I put the letter in the mailbox, I am worried that Malian will not receive it. Besides, if the letter is sent through the post office, an eight-cent stamp must be affixed to the envelope. But my pockets were empty and I didn’t even have a penny. I was really worthless. I have an aunt from Yuanmenzi who is also in high school in the town, and she is in the same class as Malian. I decided to ask that aunt to forward the letter to Malian. I used old New Year pictures, turned it over, folded it into an envelope, and put the letter in the envelope. I sealed the envelope, but did not write a word on the envelope so that my aunt could give the letter to Malian. I believe my aunt is an honest person. She will not open the envelope and read the letter I wrote to Malian. But things are hard to tell. My aunt is also a 17-year-old girl. She may also be curious about the letter I wrote to her classmate Malian and would like to take a look. She wanted to read it. It was very simple. Open the seal of the envelope, read the letter, and paste it on.
My aunt goes to school and lives on campus, and goes home every Sunday. I gave the letter to my aunt when she came home on Sunday, and she promised to give it to Malian as soon as she got back to school. The week is the concept when I was in school. As soon as I went home and became a farmer, I played down the concept of the week. I don’t know what the week is. Since I asked my aunt to pass the letter to Malian on Sunday, I picked up the concept of the week again. From Monday, Tuesday, and until Sunday, I didn’t get a day off. This is the desire of a humble young man in a remote rural village to reply and love. Before writing to Malian, my desire seemed to be temporarily put down, and when I wrote to Malian, my desire seemed to be lifted up suddenly. I see, it turns out that writing letters is to express desire, and writing letters is to create hope!
Finally looking forward to Saturday, I knew that my aunt should come back to the village again. According to the law, the aunt will return to the village on Saturday evening and return to school on Sunday afternoon. On Saturday evening, after I came to the village, across the puddle of the village, I saw my aunt coming back from school from a distance. I couldn’t help feeling a little heartbeat, as if it wasn’t my aunt, but Malian herself. I have many uncles and aunts in the village. For this auntie Yuanmenzi, I don’t have any contact with her on weekdays, and I rarely even talk to her, but because I have to ask her to send letters to Malian, I have to ask her. My aunt serves as the bookmaker between Malian and me. Of course, I am grateful for this aunt. There is a single-plank bridge on the Hucun Pit, and my aunt’s home is at the end of the single-plank bridge inside the pit. As soon as she walked over the single-plank bridge and turned left, she returned to her home. I did not walk to meet my aunt or even let my aunt see me, but hid behind a pomegranate tree. I am a person with self-esteem, and my self-esteem makes me a little shy and concealed before I know it. I ask myself not to worry. I believe that if Malian writes me a reply, my aunt will pass it on to me in time.
On the first Sunday, I did not receive a reply from Malian. On the second Sunday, I still did not receive a reply from Malian. It was not until the evening of the third Saturday that I finally received Malian’s reply. By coincidence, I was going to the brigade to do something that day, and I ran into my aunt who came home from school halfway through. Coincidence is not waiting, it is rushed. If you rush it, you will catch it. My aunt also said: By coincidence, I happened to give you the reply that Malian wrote to you. My aunt carried a yellow-green schoolbag with the words Serving the People embroidered with red woolen thread on the lid. She opened the lid of the schoolbag, took out Malian’s reply and gave it to me. She said a coincidence again, saying: I still plan to send the letter to your home. I didn’t expect to meet you here. It was a coincidence. Coincidentally, I understand in my heart, I said thank you aunt!
The sky was not dark yet, and the red glow like a rose rose to the west. Two swallows stood on a very thin wire. One swallow flew up, flew around the other swallow, and stood in pairs in pairs. A gust of wind blows, and the corn leaves on the roadside rustle, as if many people are applauding. I turned to a small road at the end of the cornfield, and I need to read the letter immediately. The envelope used by Ma Lian is more formal, with Chairman Mao’s head portrait wearing the armband of the Red Guard, and Chairman Mao’s quotations of “not self-interested, but dedicated to others”. The envelope opens from the long side of one side of the rectangle, and the lid that seals the envelope is a triangle. Malian did the same as me, and did not write the recipient’s name on the envelope. I opened the envelope very carefully, trying to keep it intact. But because Malian glued the envelope very tightly, there was no gap at all, and I was excited, my fingers trembling a little, careful, careful, still tore the envelope a bit. A hare suddenly jumped out of the cornfield, and the hare jumped from the cornfield to the beanfield on the opposite side. I was taken aback, as if my heart burst out. I settled my mind and pulled the letter paper from the envelope. I drew the letter paper more carefully, almost ceasing and stopping, as if afraid that the letter paper would disappear. Fortunately, I took out the letter paper perfectly. I unfolded the folded letter paper and looked at it. There are two pieces of letter paper filled with words, which is not as long as the letter I wrote to her. The sky was getting dark, and I quickly read the letter again, then read it again. My classmate Malian and I have been for several years, and it was the first time I saw her writing. Her handwriting is neat and delicate, which is better than mine. Seeing her words, I felt an inexplicable kindness in my heart. But Malian’s tone was calm, which tactfully turned me down. She came up first and said sorry, saying that her reply to me was late. The reason why I didn’t reply in time was because I felt that some of my words could not be answered, and I didn’t know what to say. The letter she praised me was very good. It was really good. She hadn’t read enough after reading it two or three times. Maybe she will read it again in the future. She went on to write, but gave a turning point. She said that in fact, she herself did not write as well as I did, everything was normal, there was nothing special, it was not worth what I did to her, and it was not worth so much affection for her. She said that her current task is to study, and she must concentrate on doing a good job of studying, and she will not consider other things that have nothing to do with studying. Hope I can understand her. In the last paragraph of the letter, Malian wrote a few words that I never thought of. She mentioned the student Zhang in the letter, saying that she heard that I was talking to student Zhang, she thought that student Zhang was very good, and I and Zhang were quite suitable. She wished me and Zhang could have a good deal the result of. How do you say this, where do you start? Did classmate Zhang tell her what, what hinted at, or was it her own guess? It’s really hard to understand.
Although Malian’s reply disappointed me a bit, I still cherish her letter. Regardless of the result of my first love, this letter is a summary of my first love.
When it got dark, I went home and put the letter into a book, which was my favorite “Dream of Red Mansions”. In the summer of that year, I went to work in a coal mine, and wrapped a few books in the blanket. Among them was “Dream of Red Mansions”. Of course, there was also a letter written to me by Malian in the book. “Dream of Red Mansions” is a dream. Is the first love between Malian and I also a dream? If “A Dream of Red Mansions” is a big dream, it is not impossible to describe our first love as a little dream. Just talk about the love between Jia Baoyu and Lin Daiyu, who can say that it was not a first love!
While working in the mine, I read Malian’s letter more than once. When I read it, I can think of Malian’s face like a peach blossom. Unfortunately, that letter was not found. I rummaged through all the books including “A Dream of Red Mansions” and never saw the letter again. I recalled that a worker borrowed a book from me. When the worker took the book away, I might be negligent and forget to take out the letter. The letters were written in Russian with my name and Malian’s name. The workers didn’t know Russian, so they lost the letter as a headless letter.
Now in the digital age, people seldom write letters anymore, and past letters have almost become cultural relics. Sometimes I think how good it would be to keep Malian’s letter up to now, if I had a chance to meet Malian and show her the letter, I wonder how much emotion it would arouse her!
I won’t take the initiative to contact Malian. According to the usual saying, after time has passed, no one should meet with their first love again. Whoever meets can only get disappointment and pain. I don’t agree with this statement. I think that time can make people gray-haired, but human qi is unchanged. As long as the qi does not change, the beauty will not change, and the emotion will not change. The main reason why I didn’t contact Malian was because I didn’t want to disturb her normal and peaceful life.
I heard other students talk about Malian’s later situation. After graduating from high school, she worked as a worker in the county canvas factory and gradually became a cadre. Her days as a cadre did not last. She was expelled from the factory for violating the family planning policy and returned to her husband’s hometown as a farmer. Now that she has returned to the countryside and was expelled from home again, her life will not be too easy. But the days are for living. You have to live any sad days. After a long time, you will get used to it and you will have your own rhythm. If I contact her, it might disrupt her pace of life, that would be bad.
Ma Lian has a younger sister who works as a teacher in a middle school in the county seat. I just asked someone to find Sister Malian’s phone number and contacted her. After I introduced myself, Sister Malian said that she knew me and called me brother when she came up. We said a few words. Sister Malian asked me: Have you ever written a letter to my sister before?
I said it seems to have been written.
The letter you wrote to my sister, she still keeps it, did you expect it?
How can this be done! I’m a little confused and don’t know what to say for a while.