Homeless

At the age of ten, a wonderful friend suddenly moved, and the whole family moved to Nanyang, saying that the relatives over there had a good way, how far Nanyang is, far beyond my imagination, which is equivalent to nothingness to us. I never saw that friend again, and she seemed to disappear out of thin air, and the old wooden door of her house was so locked and never opened again. At that time, I knew that home could be moved, and that it could be moved so far. Before that, I thought that home would always be somewhere. After one semester, our family also moved to a small county where I have never been. My father and mother believe that we will have better days and prospects in the county. I stood in front of my small courtyard surrounded by a bamboo fence. I looked at two tiled houses for a long time. There was no covered living room in the middle of the tiled house. The magnolia in the courtyard was higher than the house, the flowers and plants by the fence, and the right side of the courtyard. Bamboo forest, our days become a kind of breath, attached to all these things, we have to go, we have to throw away some days, I have a kind of inexplicable panic. But the longing for the county seat soon covered up the panic. We believe that there will be a more beautiful new home and a better life. The days in the county have always had a certain sense of floating, and it seems that the focus has been removed. The return to the hometown has been ruined. The village outside Zhaili was walked around again and again. . I don’t know when it will be found in my hometown.

One night at the age of twenty, my sister and I were lying in a small rented house in a big city and listening to her talk about how she longed for a deep sleep in a bed. How did she lose her job and was cheated of the last few hundred dollars at a roadside stall? She pulled a box and walked aimlessly on the streets of the city. She found a table that could be mixed overnight in a 24-hour supermarket. In the park, greening Take a corner that you can hide, and imagine the tranquility of the bed against the box. Later, my sister opened her own store and opened one after another. For various reasons, she kept changing storefronts and changing accommodations. Each time she changed stores, she thought about how to run her own business. With my heart to decorate, it seems that the home has finally come down, but moving is still an important part of life. In a big city such as Haihai, my sister has many friends like her, either working or opening a shop or going to work, wearing blue-collar, white-collar, employees, supervisors, bosses, and other identities, but all seem to be walking the same path. Constantly moving in search of stability, constantly looking for disappointment and hope.

Such a search can never reach the other shore, and then began to look for some implementation point. The house is the most direct materialized form of the implementation point. The house is not a home, but a stable home needs a house. We chase the house like Kuafu chases the sun, and we can use life to go In exchange, the days can be sacrificed. Those who are “capable” make the most of this chase. The real house still needs to stay in the hometown. In our knowledge, the house in the hometown is the most qualified to bear the title of “home”. There is a villa in the remote mountainous area of ​​my hometown, which is built in a luxurious and even luxurious style, fully furnished and scattered in the poor and mountainous areas. The mountains are extremely poor, forcing people to find their way outside to survive, running to distant cities and even the country. They are gaining ground, and have achieved “success” in the mundane world. These luxury houses have been built back in their hometown. Things still have to be fought outside. It ’s just coming back for the holidays. I usually ask some people to do some cleaning work. It seems ridiculous that the big house is enjoyed by the hired workers. But this house is very important. Proving and showing off is one of the most important things. It is the confirmation of the home. The house has become a kind of power, which supports the far-away travellers. Maybe when you are very tired, you go back to this hometown in your dreams and go around. Then you wake up and go forward. strength.

We left the village, because many villages couldn’t hold our bodies and our hearts. We entered the city, perhaps escaping or expecting. The city ran with us and brought us into a deeper confusion. The villages and cities here are not only objective, but also spiritual. Our soul belongs to the village or the city and becomes a kind of personal breath. No matter where we go, this breath follows us, and this breath makes us humble. Or let us be arrogant, inferiority and arrogance are not what we should have in our days, and it will make people lose their peace.

This is a free era. There are countless means of transportation. There is no end to the pursuit of speed. Time and space seem to be compressed. We can use less and less time to travel through more and more distant spaces, but time and space are also getting more and more. Fragmentation, we can not truly feel them, grasp them, walking more and more confused, the freedom of action in exchange seems to be the restraint of the soul.

We walked so many places and saw so many encounters, but we seemed to be walking in some kind of template, similar to the city, similar lights, brilliant crowds, hurries, similar lifestyles, and even similar There is a sense of familiarity in so many places, and you can walk into it quickly and disappear, but all familiarity is strange, and you cannot find your own space when you go in.

This is an era of hermitage. We have more places to go, but we ca n’t find the peace of mind. Many of us have lost our stamped hometown. Although we were born and raised in that place, it is not our hometown. In the past, the soothing and safe ease disappeared, and it is difficult for us to believe in eternity any more. We are sitting on a rich supply of material that we have never had before and are inexplicably anxious. I often stand in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the city, imagining to travel to ancient times, during the childhood of human beings, our ancestors ran on the earth, they lived in nowhere, but they were everywhere. They set themselves so low, as low as the dust They are in awe of all things, and they lift themselves so high that they become one of them.

Maybe I’m too pessimistic, or this is the progress of human beings. One day in the future, we may have no hometown, or our feelings and definitions of hometown are changing. Human beings will be stronger and have more secure support points. The soul is at home, and now the confusion of the sojourn is just the discomfort and pain in the advance. I am pessimistic and willing to hold such optimism.