If “XX love” is used as a word group, “long-distance love” is probably the only emotional state that can be crowned with “end” and can also refer to perfection.
“Off-site” refers to a wide range of issues. The former “site” was a foreign city and a “young woman in a boudoir” who “repented of teaching her husband to find a title”. Today, the developed communication and transportation seem to make off-site “within reach” … It is still different to see people every day. ” The post-90s boy Chen Xuming explained the reason why he went through half of China to find an internship in Hangzhou where his girlfriend studied.
Like any emotional state, we have turned “long-distance love” into a proper noun, as if speaking of it means talking about loneliness, bitterness and temporary state … however, everyone has his own story.
Only when they really enter their lives will they find that love is far from the ripple duckweed we outsiders can see-it is a huge and complicated small matter, a double history of ordinary men and women “not enough for humanity”, and a miniature struggle between ordinary people.
Today, we are looking at the patterns of long-distance love after the 90s-they are the trivial emotional boxes in life, the unresolved kisses in instant messaging, the frustrated moments of a few miles away, and countless times, these young men and women rush to each other’s resolute choices.
Can’t reach the carton
Yiyang, a post-90s girl, always remembers the moment when she needed her boyfriend most.
Strictly speaking, they are not long-distance lovers, but boyfriends have to travel frequently around Hangzhou due to work relationships, ranging from a few days to several weeks. On the day of her boyfriend’s business trip, Yiyang’s mother sent her a huge food package from her hometown. During the working period, Yiyang was not at home, and large packages could not be put into the electronic express cabinet in the community as usual. In order to prevent loss, the courier put the package on the top of the express cabinet.
Yiyang, who is 1.6 meters tall, came home from work and was helpless in the face of cardboard boxes that could not be reached at the top of the cabinet. finally, he had to use another long box to “squeeze” the big package off the cabinet.
The parcel fell to the ground “bang”, not so decently venting a little childish grievance. “If only he were here. He is tall and can reach it with his hand.”
The unreachable carton has since become a metaphor that sums up some unusual happiness that cannot be easily obtained due to distance.
Tang Yuan, who has been working in her hometown in the north since graduation, has never had similar embarrassment, but the frustration brought about by long-distance love still often hits her in details.
Tang Yuan’s boyfriend works far away in Shanghai. It is not easy to work hard in big cities and the distance is far away. Tang Yuan will try hard to control his emotions, learn to be independent and understand himself. He will constantly cheer himself up with the words “distance is only temporary, through the present, the future will be better”.
The unreachable carton has since become a metaphor that sums up some unusual happiness that cannot be easily obtained due to distance.
But sometimes, Tang Yuan still misses him for no reason. She herself is a girl with a sense of ceremony. She hopes that she can spend every festival “irrelevantly” and “even Mid-Autumn Festival or something, I suddenly and simply want to have a meal with him or share a small piece of cake”. It is not a big thing, it is a small and insignificant sadness, but it often causes Tang Yuan to fall into a kind of sadness that cannot be extricated.
No one sent her a cardboard box that she could not reach, but the ordinary sweetness of everyday life still “took care of her” and “including this time”. Even so, she first thought not to let her boyfriend be noticed by her negative emotional contagion in the far south. “If it is really sad, I will contact him when he is not busy and say,’ I think it would be nice if you were there,'” and try to keep the wind light and the clouds light and stay calm.
Li zhi, who is still a doctor at home, is trapped in scientific research day and night, always fantasizing about a chance to escape from common life and take a short trip there. Therefore, Li zhi’s favorite “pastime” is to see where air tickets are discounted. Once, the discount on air tickets from Hangzhou to Guilin was very low. Li Zhi wanted to go to Guilin for a long time. She was very excited to buy tickets for the trip, but her boyfriend Chen Xuming had just gone to the Confucius Institute in the United States to be a Chinese volunteer and obviously could not accompany her to “flee”.
“If only Chen Xuming were here, it would be fun to travel together.” Unable to find and lazy in seeking other suitable travel companions, Li zhi finally cancelled the travel plan in the cradle and told himself somewhat disappointed to forget the episode and return to the academy.
Distance and time difference caused these “if only you were here” thoughts, and also well concealed those frustrated emotions. Yiyang didn’t tell her boyfriend who returned from a business trip about the cardboard box that was out of reach, just like Tang Yuan, who skipped the holiday on the street after work, and Lizhi, who turned off the webpage of discounted air tickets. In these delicate moments, they chose to keep silent, so that distant lovers would not worry too much.
Long-distance love may be: I can’t reach a carton. But “I love you” is: “I can’t reach the carton”. I don’t want to let you know.
“Reunion” will always be the highlight of long-distance love.
When it comes to questions such as “which moment loves him the most”, Li Zhihui will never tire of repeating her unexpected reunion with Chen Xuming during the long-distance love affair.
Li Zhi’s boyfriend, Chen Xuming, went to Portland to volunteer for Chinese teaching with Confucius Institute. In the 7th month of her long-distance relationship with other countries, Li Zhi suddenly got an opportunity to attend a discipline seminar in new york with her tutor. Even when they arrived in the same country, the two had heavy tasks and only half a day to meet in new york.
“It was really our highlight moment. Just walking on the street side by side felt too beautiful and wonderful.” Li Zhixiao said. Walking together in the streets of strange countries, we are confronted with exotic people and cultures, only lovers are familiar with them. “It seems that there are only two of us between heaven and earth. It is a bit of an illusion that we live together.” Chen Xuming added.
Chen Xuming’s life in the United States did not go well, but the unplanned “reunion” almost became a timely refueling, allowing him to pack up his heart, which was shaken by foreign countries and busy tasks, and concentrate on finishing the rest of his volunteer service time.
If “people” cannot appear for a short time and can be made up by other contact methods, it is also the sweet science and technology available in a modern society where instant messaging is changing with each passing day. This is the unique “privilege” of the post-90s generation to fight long-distance love with the popularization and prosperity of the Internet.
Yiyang remembered that her boyfriend was drinking with his working partner on a business trip when he was in a different place. It was already very late to return to his residence, but he insisted on playing video. The young boy on the screen blushed and repeated wearily and obstinately, “I want to give Yiyang peace! I love Yiyang, Yiyang loves me! ”
“Silly and funny,” Yiyang later used it to tease her boyfriend and often told it to her friends as a joke. This is the beginning of their passionate love, a very common foolish thing. But what Yiyang did not say was that she always remembered this video, not because it was childish and funny, but because she knew that “after drinking, the person who wants to contact is always the most important one.”
Because of the more convenient way of communication, contact, attention and sweetness can always arrive faster. Yiyang has never felt anything wrong with “mobile phone boyfriend”, or WeChat and video are pale compared with the solemn old Hongyan book transmission. She believes that an era has its own way to carry out communication and cannot “belittle oneself” to worry that the love maintained by science and technology is not sincere enough.
“If you like writing articles, you don’t have to pick up a pen.” She smiled and said, “Just like you, you can use a computer to write a manuscript, which is more convenient to modify and supplement, but it doesn’t mean you are not serious enough and love it enough.”
When connected to each other by WeChat, SMS and video, Yiyang often felt that he was flying a kite: no matter which way he was connected, the line was always in her hand. Time, love and faster communication will increase the toughness of this line and make the kite’s way home clearer.
Whether it’s the real thousands of miles away or the sweet technology hidden in the mobile phone, what young lovers in long-distance love want is actually a feeling of “this person will always be by my side”.
Of course, as long as we can get together, naturally everything will be fine. As long as we can stay together, it seems that all kinds of troubles can be solved. But if there is a chance to end the relocation, is everything really all right?
In late 2019, Chen Xuming’s volunteer service at the Confucius Institute in the United States expired, and he returned home to find an internship in his girlfriend’s city of Lizhi and ended up in another place. Compared with the distant separation across the ocean and other long-distance lovers who were not free in time and space, Chen Xuming and Li Zhi were lucky enough.
What Yiyang did not say was that she always remembered this video, not because it was childish and funny, but because she knew that “after drinking, the person who wants to contact is always the most important one.”
However, after the initial happiness gradually cooled down, daily life of daily necessities and looked at each other in a narrow space. Li Zhihe and Chen Xuming were a little overwhelmed by the new distance changes.
In the long-distance love, both of them are discussing the understanding of spiritual level, discussing values and thinking grand propositions more often. Now living together, spiritual communication becomes less and less, and those pleasant discussions become concrete and subtle “who washes the dishes, who mops the floor and who takes out food”, which becomes difficult to communicate as before.
“I was really a soul mate when I was in long-distance love, but now I live together every day and meet each other every day, as if I wasn’t very close to him.” The short-term long-distance love has been smoothly passed, and Li zhi did not expect them to be defeated in the ordinary life day after day, becoming “spiritual long-distance love”.
“The distance problem is actually a friend as well as an enemy.” Both of them remember the struggle against jet lag during the long-distance love affair and the highlights of the reunion on the streets of new york. However, they also have to admit that the end of the long-distance love affair and the new intimate distance have created more and more new contradictions. The thorns in these dull days lie there and are new issues to be solved urgently.
The two people who have crossed the ocean and lived together despite all difficulties now even occasionally fantasize about simply implementing the “same city but different places”. They rent houses at both ends of the city and maintain a fixed meeting frequency on weekends.
However, Yiyang, where her boyfriend is away on business and meets almost only on weekends, is generally in line with Li Zhi’s and Chen Xuming’s desire to meet frequently in “different places in the same city”. However, Yiyang also has its own complaint: every time her boyfriend comes back, she is like the school’s teaching director to check the hygiene. In order to pass the “examination” smoothly, Yiyang had to set an alarm clock to wake himself up after heavy work, to tidy up in advance to avoid being nagged-the joy of reunion was mingled with the panic of “being educated”. When he struggled to get up, Yiyang even hoped that his boyfriend would be in his cell phone forever.
“It’s not bad to keep distance, especially in the early days of love.” Post-90s couples who pursue independence and personal space need to put forth more strength than confrontation distance and loneliness to cope with the changing changes in intimate relationships.
The Abandoned “Optimal Solution”
Those who have temporarily ended their long-distance love are still searching for the best solution to get along with each other, while more people who are trudging through long-distance love just want to get to the relay station faster.
At the end of 2019, Fan Dou, a post-90s girl studying for a doctor’s degree in Europe, quarreled with her boyfriend in China for two weeks and finally let him revise his plan.
Fandou and her boyfriend are college classmates. As early as when they applied for a master’s degree after graduating from the undergraduate course, the two jointly received an offer from a Hong Kong university. However, in order to be able to go to the “best option” for each other to pursue a master’s degree, they still resolutely chose to go to different countries and began a long-distance love affair.
In their eyes, distance is not a big problem. Compared with “being in one place anyway”, Fandou and her boyfriend are more concerned about each other doing what they like and becoming the person they want to be in their dreams.
But it is still too far away. After fandou decided to stay in Europe to continue her PhD, her boyfriend who graduated from master’s degree decided to work for three years first, save enough money, go to fandou’s school to read another master’s degree, supplement professional knowledge, and live with her.
Love for five years and three months, exotic for three years and five months, this time is one of the few serious quarrel between them. In May 2019, Fandou’s boyfriend came to Europe to look for her. On the day he left, he suddenly said to her, “I have been thinking seriously recently. If I can apply for a scholarship, I want to come to you one year in advance.”
One year in advance is good, but not enough. As a result of this quarrel, Fan Dou’s boyfriend deleted the condition of “applying for a scholarship”. In order to put an end to the long-distance love as soon as possible, the boy who “has a plan to die but will not change” has started to apply for a postgraduate degree from Fandou School in September this year.
The end of long-distance love and the new intimate distance create more and more new contradictions. The thorns in these ordinary days lie there, which is a new topic to be solved urgently.
This is not an economical and prepared “optimal solution”. From choosing “best” without hesitation to irrepressibly cutting down all kinds of preconditions and choosing “come to the other side as soon as possible”, long-distance love is actually more like a long multiple choice question than the cultivation of ordinary love.
Compared with Fan Dou’s long-term long-distance love with her boyfriend, Li Zhi, who experienced the baptism of long-distance love briefly, said to me that the greatest growth and reflection of her long-distance love is to understand that long-distance love is not only a multiple-choice question, but also a ranking question.
“In the final analysis, it is a person’s order of’ what is important'”, Li Zhi pointed at examples: feelings, companionship, career, life value, life needs, personal interests … there are too many elements to participate in this competition. When these important propositions in life are “arranged and seated” under the premise of long-distance love, how to sort and choose is the influencing factor of whether the feelings can stick to or even reunite in the long distance.
“With so many things considered together, if one can deepen one’s feelings with this person a little bit and the ranking of the element” feelings “can keep rising, one will” make good results “. If they are gradually left behind, they will be eliminated. ”
Li zhi is still thinking about where he will go after his doctor graduation. Her research field is unpopular, and there are only a few universities in the country that can support the research. Chen Xuming, a northerner, loves his hometown and is likely to go home for development. But in any case, “once you get married, you can’t go anywhere else” is their consensus.
Li Zhi waited for the time to give the “optimal solution” and secretly looked forward to the moment when “feelings” would slowly climb to the top of the list in each other’s hearts.